Hi guys, as most of you know I have been inactive for a bit ( August of 2004 was the last time I turned in time) I changed congregations in December and have pretty much faded.
Last night I had a talk with someone and he asked me why I was still in, why not just DA?
My answer ?
1. Because I'm afraid of the hurt it is going to cause some people that I care about.
2. Because I am afraid of doing something that I won't be able to take back.
Here is the crazy part, the people that I don't want to hurt have pretty much failed to show any concern about me, during the last few years I can count on one hand the amount of times they have called me to see what was wrong with me. Still there is a huge part of me that wants to protect them and spare them any pain.
I know that there is no way I will ever go back, but Daing just seems so final, it is not something I can take back and I am scared of taking that step.
So, why not continue to fade like I have for the last few years?
Because I feel dishonest, and I hate that feeling. I can not lie to myself, I don't want to continue pretending that I believe in the Society. I have written my DA letter, I wrote it a while back and last night it became clear to me that right now I want only one thing: To be out.
Thats all I want now, but I'm too scared to do it, so my question for those of you that have DAed is, do you regret it ?
I'm sorry for the long rant, this is mostly just me thinking out loud, but if any of you have something to share please do, the wisdom of some of you here is always welcomed.
thanks for hearing me out