Please help! Child custody

by Cindyrenee 29 Replies latest social family

  • Cindyrenee

    At five years of age they have already learned to stop talking when their JW father walks into the room, they clam up. They are so innocent and sweet, it makes me sick. Such a nightmare. I've been looking, aren't that any laws to protect children from this kind of abuse from step parents, grandparents, etc.? My daughter was staring at them when they were telling the story of "pants down, wooden spoon, and paddle", she was trying to control her emotions, but the little girl took it wrong and said, "I'm NOT lying." Already she has to defend herself, thinking if she is telling the truth people won't believe her. Thanks again. It is nice to have a place where I can vent.

  • GoingGoingGone

    Welcome to the forum, Cindyrenee!

    Keep on venting.... it really does help!


  • Billygoat

    OMG, Cindy, I am heartbroken to read those words from your kids. I wish I could help you. I have nothing. I'm so sorry.

  • Cindyrenee

    Thanks for just listening. I am hoping that sombody out there has gone through this and will be able to give some advice as to what they did to stop it. To spank a child with a spoon and paddle is bad enough, but to PULL THEIR PANTS DOWN and spank their bare butts is humiliating and degrading. I do not think a step parent or grandparent, etc., had the right to do that to a child. Cindy

  • Billygoat


    Growing up, my father would regularly spank me with a belt, with NO CLOTHES on period. Not just my pants down, but completely naked. That happened until well into my teen years and if I was on my menstrual cycle it didn't matter. Clothes were gone.

    As an adult, in talk therapy, a counselor helped me understand that my father would be considered not just an abuser, but a sexual abuser. Making a child strip so they can be spanked or beaten, is only about control and humiliation. Much like a rapist.

    I wish I could give you something more tangible in terms of help, but do WHATEVER POSSIBLE to get your children out of that home. WHATEVER.


  • Brigid


    I do not want this thread to die. So, sans any sage advice, I just want their story to be told. Over and over and over and over again . I despise child abuse no matter what religion the parents are. When one adds the soul abuse of being told repeatedly that Jehovah's will, that they are doing it righteously, and everyone who "doesn't love Jehovah is going to die" it's exponentially worse.

    Keep this thread going.

    The abuse is common.

    The abuse is tacitly sanctioned.

    The abuse is culturally condoned.

    I send you, your daughter and your little ones many blessings, may karmic lessons and justice come very very swiftly to the perps.,


  • Brigid


    Was he a JW? It's horrific no matter what religion/philosophy he espoused. I'm just curious. I think some light needs to be shone on the abuse problem that the Organization is trying to rid itself of due to outside pressure. Without the pressure, the abuse will continue. That is why these stories have to be told again and again.



  • Chimene

    If I were you, the next time one of them says that they were spanked with a spoon, I would call DSS, Department of Social Services and tell them. They will have to investigate. If there is one mark on a child, it is considered child abuse. I hope someone hits those 2 on the head with a wooden spoon after this is all over and see how they like it, that is aweful, so sorry to hear....

  • Cindyrenee

    Thank you all for your support. Yes, he is a JW in good standing. His actions are upheld in the congregation. I too, feel that pulling the pants down is nothing but control. When he was married to my daughter he had to have control over her at all times, he never hit her, but would push her around, and hit at her, never making contact with her face. When the children cry, and ask for their Mom, he tells them "Your Mom left you." He is not a nice man. We called Child Services, and they said it is not illegal to hit your child with a belt, stick, paddle, etc., as long as you don't leave a mark. I check this thread repeatedly, hoping somebody will have a story, a personal experience that we can use to show the long lasting ramifications of this abuse. He has a very rotten low attorney. I have gotten lots of advice, excellent advice from loving people who have read this. It is a source of comfort to me to know that you care, and I thank you for that. Cindy

  • coppersgirl67

    Well, I lost my two girls to my JW ex H. I am very saddend and hope to get back in court soon. My civil rights were violated and I am also sending a letter to the ACLU. Many do not believe that a judge will take your children away in favor of them being with a JW parent. Especially a father who is at work all day and leaves all the care to his wife. Who by the way I studied with and was my best friend for years.

    I recently viewed part of a trial tape for Sabrina Montgomery. It was the testimony of the elder which was total bull**** and I was amazed to know i am not the only mother who has lost custody in this manner. If anyone could get in touch with her or let me have her email I would really love to contact her. I beleive she lost custody of 2 girls just as I did and would really like to see how things have transpired for her since.

    My father testified against me, went to their wedding and still goes to their house for supper. I am no one to him and neither is my son who still lives with me.

    You need a very proactive attorney to help you. I used all the info in regard to the custody prep booklet they have that Duane Magnini provided and still lost.

    The judge specifically said that she felt she was making a decision like King Solomon. The issues that he used to modify were the fact that I moved. Her response was this does not matter I do not beleive that you were notified and you moved as well. The other issue he said was that I am unfit because I have bipolar disorder. She stated that altho she realizes I have this disorder she see's that it in no way hinders my ability to be just as good a parent as he. That she had given many people with bp custody and that she felt I was dong very well especially with my work with NAMI. She said that issue comes down to the religion where I must make my decision. She said that she in no way wants anyone in the court to feel it is religous discremination. But, that due to the fact that children have been JW sinc birth and that is what the father is that they should remain with him because he would be the one to continue to keep them a part of the religion.

    So yes religion should have never been a deciding factor and I myself as well as my attorney and even his attorney were actually shocked that she based her decision this way. That is why I had wanted to appeal because I felt regardless of what the judge said that it was discriminatory and against the weight of all the other evidence I had against him. She even stated to my ex that his wife had overstepped her bounds as a step parent and that she hoped he would control her behavior in the future.

    I know it sounds crazy but this is truly what happened. Even in the written judgement it states that the court has made note of why she mad the decision (of course I have never located where this note may be) and that the allegations against me by the ex are found to be untrue.

    So I really don't know where that leaves me. Honestly they are displaying the same behavior but he is still a JW and I can only assume that is of higher priority to the judge. He does everything he can to alienate my girls from me.

    So I really don't know that trying to modify will do anything.


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