i wouldn't even remotely know where to begin if i wasn't so drunk with exhaustion.
i'm at a loss for words. but you won't be able to tell that from this very successful rant.
we are coming up on the anniversary of what began as the year of hell for me. and on the eve of this “celebration”, i just lie in perpetual purgatory and wonder “is this all there is?”
i feel betrayed and abandonned. and angry to the point of serotonin imbalances...
i love him. and i hate him.
i just wanted him to choose me. that's all.
the long and short? i fell in love 6 years ago. with my best friend and then all over again when we were married.
last year, my husband da-ed himself. i was supportive. we were in love. we tried to make it work. i tried to make it work. i think i tried harder. but i suppose i'm biased, as i am the one writing this.
i didn't think it would work out. and in the stupid shrouded needy manipulative way that is akin to the female species, i told him so... hoping he would read between the g'damn lines and say he'd try harder.
but he didn't.
and now, he's moved on. and he's seeing someone else. and i love him. and i hate him.
and now, i'm just gonna go lie in my large king-size bed. and wish, wish, wish there were no aberrations. i'll raise my arms in capitulation – but only in the confines of my own mind.
and officially forgo glasses to drink directly from the bottle.
pour on the pity, i need it.
calliope