Part 1: How Would You Answer This Issue?

by Amazing1914 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  Amazing1914

  Part 1:

  When we were faced with tough issues as JWs, we used one or more of a few ways to find answers. We either searched the publications, consulted with an Elder, or in some cases, wrote to the Society. Once the answer was received and made clear ... and the Watchtower system seems to have answers for everything ... we most likely followed the recommended course, whether we liked it or not. Yet, while I was a JW Elder, I was brought face-to-face with an issue, and I was not able to provide an answer or make a judgment:

  My manager's dilema: My former engineering manager is Hindu. He and I always got along, and as a Hindu, he respected my beliefs as a JW. He sought out my advice and input on more than one occasion. One day, he asked to talk to me, privately, in the conference room. He said, "I know you are a man of God, and I want your views on a very serious issue facing me and my wife." I was somewhat gaurded, but extremely curious ... and anyone would be, but especially as a JW, because we always kept our distance with worldlings. He then told me that his wife is pregnant, and that they have already done tests and confirmed that the baby will be extremely mongoloid. In fact, some of the medical opinion is that the baby will not live more than a year, and may not even have many needed brain functions, or a fully developed brain. Some of the brain cavity appeared extremely abnormal. His questions: "Given this terrible situation, do you think my wife should have an abortion? Will God hate us?" He broke down in tears.

  My mind started swimming: I felt terrible for him. I thought to myself at the time, "Oh no, I can't give this guy advice on such a serious and personal issue. Yet, at the same time, how can I deny my own views and values." I asked him to let me think a second.

  My own birth: I was born on a military reservation in 1951. Back then, abortions were not common, and were subject to state law rather than federal rulings. Given that the hospital was on a base, it was not subject to local or state laws. When my mother gave birth to my sister (Child No. 3) her uterus tore loose. So, the doctors tied her uterus to her backbone. The doctors strongly advised her to not have anymore children. Three years later she became pregnant with her fourth child, and miscarried. because of her weakened uterus, her doctors strongly advised her to have a hysterectomy. She declined to do so. Three years after that, she became pregnant with me. This time, the doctors told her she should abort me because carrying me full term could cost her, her life. My mother refused to abort me. Why?

  JWs call on our door in 1951: The Jehovah's Witnesses of 1951 had some strange views as they do today. While my mother stood at the door bulging with me inside, the JW man told her that I was not a living soul because I had not taken the breath of life. As a result, if she died before Amrageddon, while still pregnant (yes, Armageddon was expected any month, just around the corner) that I would not be resurrected. My mother told him to go to hell. She told him that as a Roman Catholic, she believes that at the moment of conception, when a woman becomes pregnant, God puts a soul in the new life. She said that she could not accept the JW view.

  Back to the military doctors: My mother told the doctors that as a Roman Catholic she believed that I was a living soul of God, and not just the result of a human sex act. Furthermore, she said that she cares not for her own life at the expense of her own child. She told them that abortion was really murder, and she could not murder her own baby.

  Now, back to my manager at Bechtel Corp. in San Francisco. He was waiting for an answer, and asked me again what I thought. I told him that I was not sure what to say. I told him of my own mother, and how this affected my own outcome and a chance for life ... and that I can't imagine having to face such a terrible decision. However, I could also see his dilema, and how this must be their own personal decision ... between he and his wife. I told him that I would not be judgmental, for that is God's job. I felt ill, because abortion to me is so close and personal, and were it not for my dear mother, I would not be here typing away on these keys.

  This is a close and personal issue to my heart. I place it to everyone, because now that we no longer have Watchtower Indexes, Elders, or the Society to lean on for our values and answers in life ... what does your own human spirit tell you? I am NOT interested in the "politics" of the issue, but rather, the personal morality of it. How would you have answered him?

  Jim W.

  PS: This will be a short series. Each part will be about a new topic and presented in a different way.
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  outoftheorg

  After telling him my feelings and what ever of my personal history I wished to divulge, I would tell him that I did not have an answer to his problem.

  That there are too many things in a persons memories and beliefs and thoughts "his in this case" that it is impossible for me to know or use to advise you.

  That the same things apply to me personally and again does not give me the necessary knowledge or the right to even suggest what you may or may not want to do.

  Outoftheorg
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  prophecor

  
  

  Not letting anybody off easy are you, Jim.

  Hi.

  Powerful testimony. If the child was, according to doctor's beliefs, going to probably die in less than a year, what's the harm of allowing those developments to take place? Even if only for the sake of the parents not wanting to involve themselves in such a questionably moral dilemma?

  Doctors have been wrong, and I see no reason to wholeheartedly throwing the baby out with the bath water. In all honesty, I would encourage this individual to consult with his wife and see if they might be willing to consider carrying the baby to term.

  Nothing could be worse than making a mistake about a life, regardless for how questionable the alleged prospects for that child's life. And in all honesty, God is the only one to determine how great or less than great, that child's life has as an eventual outcome. Ours is not to make that type of determination, but God's.
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  darkuncle29

  I think that even as a Jw, my mind would have been trying to find a way to allow me to reconcile what I was told to believe and what I felt would have been more practical. I think that getting an abotion in this situ would be the kind thing for all involved. I'm curious as to how the hindu beliefs of Karma and rebirth would have been dealt with here.
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  sass_my_frass

  People who try to supply him with an answer are kidding themselves; it's a very deeply personal issue. I would suggest that they go with their first reaction on the decision; that's the one that's true to you.
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  Big Tex

  whoooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaah.

  >gulp<

  do you think my wife should have an abortion?

  I hear where you're coming from on this, I really do. And that, as much as anything, makes this a difficult question. Where does life begin? What exactly is life? If the heart still beats, is that life? Is the sum total of who we are contained only in our brain so that if the brain is dead, "we" do not exist?

  What kind of life would the baby have? Would the inner person of that child be able to come through? Would there be anything at all?

  Jim, just trying on your question in my own life and I find I cannot give an answer right now. I really don't know. I really really don't know. My first, gut reaction was that life finds a way. Where there is life, there is hope. Having said that I realize that is at best an idealistic notion and idealism does not always fit reality. As the philospher says, "there is that which is and there is that which would we like it to be."

  Will God hate us?

  Only one person can answer that.

  It sounds as if your friend is asking permission or even perhaps, if you'll forgive me, absolution.

  I've found in my own life, partly because of the arrogant judgmentalism of the Witnesses, I cannot find it within myself to sit in judgment on another's life choices. Oh I can say I wouldn't do this or that, or even to shake my head and wonder about their intelligence (see the Darwin Awards) but to actively invest energy and say that I know what God thinks or even to presume to speak for God about someone else's life, no I cannot in good conscience do that.

  The one thing I do know is that in the major religious philosphies there is the concept of a Power greater than ourselves and that Power is above all else, benevolent toward us. The rest is a matter of belief and hope.

  My heart does go out to your friend. I'm very, very sorry that what should be a happy event is instead, no matter the outcome, a sad one.
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  Undecided

  I feel that it would be a matter for the mother and father to make and I couldn't give them any advice.

  Something that happened with my pregnant step-daughter makes me question some doctors. He told her the baby was dead and for her to come back so he could get rid of it. My wife didn't accept his opinion and carried her to another doctor and the baby was OK. She is 21 now. Can you be sure of everything the doctors tell you?

  Ken P.
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  Amazing1914

  I appreciate all the good responses. Just a note: This event happened a long time ago. But it was difficult at the time, and it would still be a tough issue today. I would have much the same reaction, notwithstanding I am no long a JW.

  Jim W.
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  TallTexan

  <as I prepare myself for the barrage of criticism>

  Get a second opinion. If it agrees, abort it.

  I understand your personal involvement in this type of decision. I am a very practical person. From working in a Level 3 nursery, I know the pain and suffering a child born with severe birth defects can go through (not all, but many). They have a lifetime (however long that life may be) of illness, multiple surgeries (for many of them) and poor quality of life. This could be a child who never sees the outside of a hospital bed.

  Now, I know there are many, many parents who love and cherish their children who have severe retardation and birth defects and will send notes of abuse my way. I applaud them and have great respect for them. But it's not easy, and that's an understatement. It's mentally, physically, and financially draining.

  From a strictly religious standpoint, I don't see how you could do it, however. The Bible states that life is precious and therefore should be preserved at all costs. From a strictly practical standpoint, I think it would be the right thing to do.
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  Odrade

  This is a question I could never answer for another person. To choose a side for someone else is the pinnacle of hubris. I know what I would decide if I were the woman that was pregnant with the child developing severe congenital deficiencies, but I could not in good conscience tell another person what their decision should be. After all, they have to live the rest of their lives with the decision, not I.