Help! My parents want to take my daughter to meetings!

montana96

I have a problem that im hoping you can all help me with.

My daughter who is now 11 was devastated when we left. She loved it, our fault we did everything by th book. She wants to go to the meetings with my parents. We have occassionally let her go to Sundays meeting but then she started having nightmares and being totally miserable because we werent with her. This is the only thing my husband and I disagree on since we left. He thinks its ok for her to go, he reasons at least shes got a choice. I feel she is too young, we know its not the truth so why let her go. I have tried to reason with her but she doesnt really understand and its making her upset as well as pressure from my mum who is in my kids' ears behind my back.

What can I do, I have made up my mind not to let her go, but how do you explain this to your children when we have brought them up to think its the truth? All she thinks about is the paradise. Any suggestions I am grateful for.

Mercedes x

TallTexan

I do not envy you your position at all. I understand your situation all too well.

My only suggestion is to show her maybe by using a few scriptures that a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is what is required for salvation, and that an organization is not needed as a mediator between her and God or Jesus. If that's too deep for her understanding, maybe just explain that sometimes adults make mistakes and that you have learned that being a JW is not necessary to see paradise.

You're in a very hard spot. My daughter is 16 and still gives me a hard time about raising her as a JW and now not believing - not that she necessarily does either. As difficult as it may be, you may have to tell your mother to please allow you to raise your child as you see fit, just as she raised you in a religion that she found to be the truth, even if other members of her family did not agree.

Good luck.

MonkeyPrincess

This is a very difficult situation, and i am sorry that you are faced with such circumstances.
The fact is that she is YOUR child, and you need to make it clear to your parent's that you
are not happy about them discussing religion with her.
I had to do this with my parent's recently, it was SO hard to do, but boy.. did it feel good.
My son is only 4 years old, but they would read the bible to him, and tell him how holiday's
were bad. I made it clear that if they were to spend time with him, they were not to discuss
religion, as his parent's we were going to be the one's to teach him.

If i were you, i would be planning more activities on Sunday's.
And i agree with TallTexan, show her that she does not need the Org for salvation.
Good luck, i hope whatever you decide works out for the best for your family.

MP

montana96

Thankyou Monkey Princess i appreciate your advice. We have started to do fun things on a Sunday and it has worked. I know it is going to come to a head with my parents, I can feel them getting irritated every time I say no so I will have to prepare my answer well and its true she is our daughter and we need to raise her the way we see fit.

Thanks for comments

Mercedes x

david_10

Hello Mercedes. As the Texan ahead of me said: "You're in a very hard spot." Wow, are you ever. Well, I don't think that letting her go to meetings once a week, say on Sunday, or go once a month, or whatever, is such a bad thing. As Witnesses, we were taught that the word 'compromise' is one of the dirtiest words in any language. In reality, however, compromise is necessary in any and all areas of life. I don't think that by compromising here you would be doing such a bad thing, especially since this something that your daughter wants to do.

Be aware, though, that she is at an age when pressure to get baptized starts being applied. I would let both your daughter and your parents know that this is not going to happen. Not until she is an adult, on her own, and capable of making adult decisions, will she be allowed to get baptized. I would make that very clear.

Good luck.

David

greendawn

Why don't you explain to your daughter using a biblical basis that the JWs are completely wrong on many issues including their paradise concept, and that you decided to go out as soon as you realised that they weren't really talking straight? There is so much to be said on their history and unstable doctrines.

montana96

Thanks david-10. I felt that maybe it would be ok to let her go on Sundays as well but then where do you draw the line. My parents became JW because they felt it was the truth so all us 3 girls had to go as well,very tough when you are a teenager. But my parents thought they were doing the right thing for us even though my sisters and I have all left.

Therefore as a parent who no longer thinks the JW are right, I think i am doing whats best for our daughter now and if she say got to 16 or older and wanted to have a good look at being a jw, I would let her but alson show her the things that I know and why we left. Then I feel she is old enough to make an informed choice, not something she is made to do. When she is older she may understand more the implications of being a jw as well. I hope this makes sense?

Thanks for comments.

Mercedes x

jwfacts

If you let her go occasionally and plant some seeds of doubt in her mind she will eventually choose not to want to go, and won't blame you for it.
Your idea of arranging fun times for her is the best thing to do. Make sure she develops friendships with non JWs. My 13yo still gets dragged along by her step mom and grandmother. At first she wanted to go, but now she hates it. As a teenager she has made good friends at school that she realises are better people than some of the hypocrites in the congregation.
Once she had school friends I started to ask if she thought it fair that God wanted to kill them. I then explained that God will not just let JWs into paradise. I explained that originally Russell said everyone would get into paradise, but than the new leader, called Rutherford said only JWs will be saved. At there age that sort of conversation generally makes it is pretty obvious that it is a senseless religion.
If you show that you still love her, life, god, paradise and fill her life with good she may soon forget all about the religion. (With your parents you need to be strict on them, You have as much right to shun them as they have to shun you. Make it clear that their relationship is conditional, conditional on not indoctrinating your daughter.)

Miss_MG

If she was brought up as a jehovahs wittness it will take time so be patient and arrange activities and arrange for a school friend to come along but the most important thing dont let her spend much time alone with your parents (well meaning as they may be) they will try to indoctrinate her that will confuse and make her a very unhappy little girl you cannot tell her about the organization at this stage she is too young just love her and spend a lot of time with her. All the very best.

rekless

take her to another church or fill her empty time on Sunday doing fun things, go to movie, get out the house help her forget, become full active fun parents with busy time.

Help! My parents want to take my daughter to meetings!

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