Help! My parents want to take my daughter to meetings!

by montana96 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • Darth Yhwh
    Darth Yhwh

    Well, here’s my story:

    My JW mother is very good with my kids. In fact she’s one of the few that I feel is capable of watching all three of them for any given time. She feels especially close to my oldest 6 year old son. She will occasionally take him to her house for “special days” where he gets to spend an evening with Grandma and Grandpa and essentially get spoiled.

    She’s been doing this for about two years since he was four or so. Since “special days” usually fall on Fridays or Saturdays when she is not working there is typically some type of JW activity going on the next morning. So for some time she was taking him to book studies, out in service, or to a meeting. At first I didn’t really mind because I felt that he was too young to really understand what they were teaching.

    It didn’t take too long for my son to start bring me home tidbits of information regarding Jehovah and the bible, etc. About this same time I began to post on this forum and finished reading COC. I finally decided that I don’t want any of my children any where near a KH and had to confront my mother regarding what she does and where she goes with my son.

    The other problem we had with her taking our son is that unless we firmly establish a time to have him home by she would keep him far longer than we desired. So last summer she was over and asked to take him on a Saturday evening. My wife and I agreed that it was OK and I asked her what time she would have him home the following Sunday? I suggested that she bring him home early, perhaps on her way to her meeting. She asked if she could keep him longer and take him to the meeting with her and I told her no. When she pressed me for my reasoning on this decision I informed her that I no longer wanted him anywhere near a KH as the WBTS is a false prophet in my opinion.

    Needless to say, this turn of events certainly put some tension on my relationship with my mother. It has, however, made my desires clear and unquestionable. I still allow my son to have his beloved “special days” with my mother and she understands that these “special days” are not to be used for indoctrination.

    So far so good. If problems arise, I’ll certainly post them here.

  • rebuilding

    At 11 years old your daughter is old enough to start seeing the inconsistancies in what the Watchtower teaches. You might start showing her movie ratings and ask what the pictures in JW childrens books should be rated at. Also getting her one-on-one attention with another adult. Private music lessons? Figure skating? A tutor for school? As long at the person is really positive and you can supervise the interaction. Help her set up goals and break them down into reachable objectives to give her something else to focus on. Arrange for different times to socialize with her grandparents scheduled apart from JW meetings, weekly tea maybe, and have her write the invitations. If the grandparents say no, support your daughter with understanding their reasonings.

    Try not to put your daughter in the center of a battle between you and your parents over the JW's. Remeber she is Your daughter!

    rebuilding - (Who hates to see kids caught up in the Watchtower slave machine.)

  • mouthy

    I have not read all the responses-as I havent got the time at this minit...But will later .But my 2 cents!!!!

    Do what ever you can to stop that. I have a support group for ex JW ( they are adults in their 30 -40) & they ALL say they had nightmares down the road. when they did something bad- they knew Jah was angry & was going to bring hailstones ( or whatever) on them.... For petes sake it is abuse to teach kids that drivel..... I am sorry to be so blunt- but this is MY true feelings. good luck

    Better you take them to a Sunday school where they color or some fun thing & learn that God is a LOVING God not the Angry God of the Watchtower/

  • jaffacake

    Rather than censorship, or total banning from seeing your parents ot visiting KH, hopefully the solution is to educate her.

    My daughter is 11 and she was close to her 'cousin' - my newly baptized JW friend's daughter. I have gradually and gently, with humour, educated her about the JW religion. That's what I suggest, that is if you have access to the right resources to teach her the truth.

    Because of what we all know about the JW religion, even if we ask to visit KH or ask for a Bible study, we are kept at arms length. That is because everything I mention, and which at first they deny (eg baptism questions change, UN scandal, change in 'this generation' teaching etc etc) they find out to be true. They put these truths to the back of their minds.

    If your daughter is properly educated, she will be far more of a threat to them through her comments and questions, than they could be to her.

    If she says one thing and they another, only she will be allowed to research both sides of the debate. That will give her a huge advantage.

    However, she is young, please be very careful.

  • lisaBObeesa

    My 2 cents:

    I think the best course is to put your foot down and not let her go and explain things to her, as others have said.

    However, if you MUST let her go, please go with her.

    Hear everything she hears, see everything she sees, plant seeds, have talks. Never let her be around JWs without you. Never. She is only 11.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

  • freedomlover

    Hi Mercedes -

    I was thinking of your situation today and I don't know if it's been said or not yet (haven't had to time to read all the responses)

    I'm thinking we are talking about an 11 year old girl. I remember being 11 and I hated being told what to do without getting my feelings on an issue first. Your daughter is most certainly old enough to be talked in a straightforward manner about all this. Sit down when both of you aren't emotional and find out why she really wants to keep going to meetings. I'll bet given her age it's the social aspect. If it is; does she realize she can have friends at school now? Maybe it's not the social issue, maybe she is really scared of displeasing Jehovah or dying at Armageddon. Maybe she already feels torn between pleasing you and pleasing grandma. find out her reasons and then go from there......

    just a thought. hope it helps.

    let us know how it goes......

  • montana96

    Thankyou all again, such good advice that I will take to heart and put into practice many things I have read. Kind regards to you all and thanks for listening

    Mercedes x

  • NYCkid

    Am I missing something here? I don't mean to be confrontational, but you are you daughters parent. You have every right decide what she hears and reads..period. Unless you are abusing her or not providing for her physical needs, the congregation or her grandparents have no right to interfere.

    I have a good friend who left the JW religion when her daughter was very young. When her daughter turned 18 last year, her JW grandparents and Aunt (my friends sister) pounced on her..actually they were sneaky, inviting her to spend "time with them" when actually they were trying to get her to go to meetings with them and to start a study. Thankfully my friend raised her daughter to be a smart woman and she picked up on it soon enough (she's also in college now). Without any sort of proddding from her mother, she told them that going forward, she'll accept their invitations if she can bring her mother along (who's disassociated). Needless to say the invites stopped shortly thereafter.

    The point is, while your daughter is under your supervision they cannot do anything. Believe me, get her involved in extracurricular activities and she'll soon lose interest. Does she like ballet or music?. When she turns 18 and wants to be JW, then so be it, but for now you can make that decision for her.

    Best regards,

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