by elliej 16 Replies latest jw experiences

  • elliej

    I don't know if anyone else has this problem or if I'm just crazy. I have been attempting to fade. My family recently moved to a new area and we have never attended the KH here. I finally got up the nerve to tell my husband the things I have been researching and he sees "the truth about The Truth". We have told our immediate family back home that we are out (they are all non-witnesses) and told one close relative who is a witness. So far, no repercussions.

    Anyway, I spend my mornings doing research (this sight has been an amazing support for me) and making sure that I'm on the right track. The problem is that every night I have dreams about arguing with witnesses and being attacked as an apostate. I dream that elders from our old congregation show up at my door to yell at me and try to separate my husband and I.

    Will I ever be free of this cult? Does anyone else have anxiety like this? By the way, it isn't guilt I'm feeling. I have never felt more free and happy. When I realized what this organization really was I felt like a weight had been lifted from my heart. I think it is because I do so much research and its on my mind. I fear that they won't let us go. Nuts, right?

  • Brigid

    I understand that it is a very common occurance to have nightmares, etc. I had a few myself. Don't forget that you have been under brainwashing techniques for quite sometime--if you were raised in it, like I was, I liken it to hardwiring of sorts. 5 meetings, 3 times a week, little to no outside reading material or associates, the constant theme of "here, we're good, special, have the "Truth" vs. "there" bad, bad, bad--stories of those who've left falling into debauchery, AIDS, crack addiction, etc."

    Give yourself time. You will heal.



  • BlackSwan of Memphis
    BlackSwan of Memphis

    Yes, constantly. Everything from my family to the elder I sent my letter to.

    I do think it fades after time. Mine kicked in within the last month or so.

    Maybe the lack of sleep is why I'm getting so crabby.

    It can take an awful lot out of a person emotionally to do what you are doing. Hang in there, the passing of time does help.


  • daystar

    It is your unconscious trying to come to terms with, to digest, the changes you are experiencing. It is quite natural.

    The methods used to maintain control work upon the unconscious mind, not the conscious mind. Your unconscious mind is what directs your life from behind a veil. It is "programmed". You can "reprogram" it, but it takes time, effort and courage.

    The programming used by the WBTS goes very deep. But it can be undone.

  • Finally-Free

    Welcome to the board!

    Post 2 of 2
    since 12-Dec-05

    I don't think you have much to worry about if you just moved to Bahrain. I don't think there are many kingdom halls there so the elders shouldn't bother you.

    I'm glad your husband sees the truth about the "truth", and that you can get out of it together. My leaving the org caused a huge rift in my marriage and it didn't survive. It's been almost 2 1/2 years since I left, and I still have occasional nightmares, but it's getting better.


  • hillbilly

    I used to have some recurring dreams too. Some were pretty scary...and not about things I had directly experienced... but had sme real or composite componets of things I had seen or people I had known.

    Dreams and mild night terror ( feeling held down or watched while asleep, for me) started while I was a JW.

    As my mind escaped the cult I found that the night terrors ceased and the dreams stopped. I think that this was linked to the JW mindset and what it does to the sub concience mind...the farther away I get from the cult the more lucid I become.

    It gets better.


  • HockeyMullet

    My wife was having the nightmares. Pretty extreme. She dreamt(sp?) that she was in the kh, armeggeddon was going down, and our two children and I were locked outside dying. In one form or another she would always have this type of dream and it really affected her. I would wake up and she'd be crying trying not to wake me.

    Then she visited a therapist who helped her out incredibly. The doctor said he's been visited by many jw's. The dreams are gone now.

  • skyman

    I still have them, When I first left I had them almost every night i would find myself arguing with the Elders and my brother. I still have them after four years of being out. It goes in cycles most of the time I don;t know what triggers the dreams to start again but they come and steal my sleep I hate it.

  • greendawn

    It's a free world and everyone can choose to believe what they want and you don't have to give an account to anyone, so there is no need to feel anxious about what the JWs think.

    Their doctrinal history is full of errors and changes, at the end of the day they don't really know what to believe so why try to pass their beliefs to others? What to them is truth today will be apostasy tomorrow.

  • Legolas

    Welcome to the board!

    Don't worry about the dreams, it's just your mind going through the days stuff!

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