Curious as to what a wedding at the KH is like...

by Riverwatcher 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  IMustBreakAway

  I am probably revealing to much.. But when i was getting married i told the brother that A. I didn't want Adam and Eve mentioned at all, i figured (at the time) they had screwed it up for everyone and didn't really deserve to be in my talk. B. I didn't want to say, "God's marital arrangement." I thought it sounded stupid. I told him i would say God's arrangement for marriage. But we ended up in a civil ceremony anyway. (other things happened that would very much give me away if mentioned.)

  I hated KH weddings for one reason only.. "The Shulimite Maiden" They would play it as the procession song every time. Made me sick. Esp since i was drinking with that girl a few months before and and she was a slut who was feeling everybody up like a cat in heat. I didn't want to hear a song that was supposed to reflect her "chasteness"...
• 

  onesong

  The wedding talks of JW's have got to be one of the most inane and degrading processes known to man.

  Every one I've ever heard is an instruction talk, all the do's and don'ts.(If these people haven't figured this stuff out before today their gonna have some problems.)

  There's always some stupid, humiliating joke about the woman's "time of the month" (I always wanted to scream when I heard this, I can't imagine how you women felt.)

  Then there's the "squeezing the toothpaste tube" conundrum that's inevitably going to be brought up.

  And of course it's "subjection, subjection, subjection."

  Can any couple really remember their talk? (if it wasn't recorded) Who's actually listening?

  I was 23 years old, still very much a virgin and was thinking " I'm actually going to have sex tonight!".
• 

  enderby

  as others have said, a JW wedding at a KH is exactly like any other boring meeting....same people in the same suits, same music, same old elder giving the same old talk....except you don't have to worry about preparing a watchtower study! boooooring!
• 

  Tuesday

  It's been a while since I've been to one but from what I remember I don't ever remember having to look up scriptures. Or sing actually. I remember the Kingdom Melody thing, I'm not a huge fan of them, I think they're rather contrived, but the bride seemed happy to be coming down the aisle to the dullness. I remember in my hall they got to choose which Kingdom Melody to come out to. Like picking entrance music, they should pick something to pop the crowd...really.

  Afterwards the reception is the real celebration, there's corny music, corny food, and corny conversation. Actually I was at a reception in an Elk's Lodge when I was about 15 where the fire alarm went off and the sprinklers went on in the hall. Everyone ran outside to a torential downpour. I remember by the time everyone made it back inside, at least myself (who was looking for an older person who "didn't make it out" but was actually on the other side) was completely drenched. Everyone settled in again for another long bout of laughter and dancing to the worst freakin' pop music in the history of man (seriously it was like '95 and they were playing Wham) the sprinklers went off again.

  Funny looking back, actually I thought it was funny then too.
• 

  damselfly

  Instead of throwing rice everyone throws Tracts and Watchtowers. At the reception everyone celebrates by passing around a single glass of wine but no one actually drinks the wine.

  **gigglesnort**

  They are very cold and unfeeling ceremonies. The focus is on obedience of both to God and especially on the female to be obediant to her husband. Gag

  Dams
• 

  Candlestick02

  The weddings I would go to also ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS (and I do mean ALWAYS) played the stupid 'Electric Slide.' Gawd, how annoying! It was like THE song that everyone would always hop up and dance to. After so many times of hearing it I would cringe when they would start it. Usually I'd find myself on the dance floor and then as soon as it would start and everyone was jumping up to come to the dance floor I'd sit down. Man, it was so annoying. Then it turned into the 'other' electric slide...I don't know what that one's called, but where it says '...Now Slide to Left....Slide to Right...' I would just sit there in bewilderment. It's so funny now to think of it. Still have Electric Slide phobia though. LOL!

  Also at JW weddings: No bouquet toss, no garter, no dollar dance ... translation: no fun

  Sometimes some with some more $ sprang for a Latin band. One wedding I went to had a pretty famous Mexican local band and the place rocked. The whole place was jamming and we all had fun.
• 

  stillAwitness

  Anything that smacks or hints of superstition, luck, worldly tradition is forbidden

  And yet isn't it true that wedding veils, rings and honeymoons all have pagan origins?

  So true about the wedding dance rehearsals! Man, those thing we annoying and no matter how much you practiced they still came out all cheesy anyway.
• 

  stillAwitness

  The weddings I would go to also ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS (and I do mean ALWAYS) played the stupid 'Electric Slide.' Gawd, how annoying! It was like THE song that everyone would always hop up and dance to. After so many times of hearing it I would cringe when they would start it. Usually I'd find myself on the dance floor and then as soon as it would start and everyone was jumping up to come to the dance floor I'd sit down. Man, it was so annoying. Then it turned into the 'other' electric slide...I don't know what that one's called, but where it says '...Now Slide to Left....Slide to Right...' I would just sit there in bewilderment. It's so funny now to think of it. Still have Electric Slide phobia though.

  The Cha Cha Cha! Yeah! I know that song! Oh God! And they always get some old disco brother who still has 8 tracks in his car to be the DJ.

  And they always like to tease the younger ones by playing Usher's "Yeah" for about 2 seconds and then stop it in the middle of the song.

  "Sorry young ones, looks like you're having a little too much fun."
• 

  Calliope

  Is there music? Yes, kingdom melodies only

  
  

  
  

  to walk down the isle, my almost-ex and i wanted the "Flamenco Sketches" by Miles Davis, but were told we couldn't use songs or pieces by composers/singers that had questionable lives (i.e. miles davis and drugs...). so we chose to walk down the isle to Bach's Goldberg Variations instead*.

  *elders are not smart enough to know that Bach composed mostly for the church which would've likely constituted "questionable".
• 

  sass_my_frass

  The groom always vows to 'love and honour'. The bride also, but she also has to vow to 'respect'.

  "....for as long as we both live together on earth according to God's marital arrangement"