by aoxo 23 Replies latest social relationships

  • aoxo

    the "hurry" is that i have wanted a relationship for a long long time and am long overdue for one. i have had several years of theropy and have established what i like and dont like. i agree with the comment that i am still in the process of change. i have yet to get used to the worldly way of doing things, which i realy like. however, i think that i am ready for a relationship with the right person. i am extremely picky since i want to have more of a permenant relationship, someone i can come home to everyday and be used to. yeay, people always tell me "dont worry it'll happen" but i've found that the more i try the farther i seem to get from accomplishing the task...

  • kiddotan

    aoxo - good luck in your new life.

    Don't hurry, enjoy the pace. A relationship doesn't just happen, my other half has only dated the one person JW style. I was his first worldly date. (he blew me away with kindness and romance). If it's sexual relations you desperatly want, you can buy that. Truely don't be in a hurry to get to that bit.

    What kinda things do you like? What are you into?

    PM if you just wanna friend. I'm have not been a JW just engaged to a not sure where he is kinda JW.


  • doofdaddy

    My advice is go out.

    Push the limits a little.

    When I left the jws (and ultimately marriage) I forced myself to go out alone. I was so nervous the first time I went to a coffee shop, I had a newspaper in front of me but could not read it. I started a conversation with a woman at another table. Turns out she was happily married but it got me conversing with women. Then I chose a funky bar where lots of over seas travellers hang out. That was the beginning of a great adventure.

    I got to realise that most people are, depite what the wts says, very open, balanced and friendly. Relationships sprang from having a large social network.

    Can I say one more thing? Women can smell desperation a mile off. Be your own man and learn to be happy in your own space.

    Good luck!

  • AuldSoul
    the more i try the farther i seem to get from accomplishing the task...

    [Mr. Mackey from South Park] I found a few potential problem spots here, m'kay? And I'd like to discuss them with you, m'kay?

    people always tell me "dont worry it'll happen" but i've found that the more i try the farther i seem to get from accomplishing the task ...

    (1) People are telling you not to worry

    (2) You admit you are in a hurry (which smells like desperation, from a potential date's perspective)

    (3) You admit you are still trying, despite what people are telling you (see #1)

    (4) You are approaching courtship as a task to be completed...

    Yeah, I agree with the people who are telling you "don't worry" and can pretty much guarantee that until you stop worrying you will not accomplish the "task." Settle down. When was the last time you wanted to be around someone who was frantic to be around you? Life takes care of itself as long as you are true to yourself.


  • MerryMagdalene

    Sounds like good advice. (Told you I'd stick around to watch for pointers)

    Reflecting on it, it seems to me that whenever I am feeling loneliest and most desperate what helps most is getting involved in something that is, for me, deeply interesting, important or otherwise utterly absorbing that has nothing to do with dating or finding a mate.

    Best wishes...cos dwelling on the loneliness totally sucks. I've done it enough to know.


  • Darkside Blues
    Darkside Blues

    Hey aoxo . . . glad I'm not alone in this regard! I'm 24 and have not had what non-JWs would consider to be a date, let alone an actual relationship. I've had crushes on non-JWs (naturally since the JW guys I'm surrounded by are too damn boring) and have had some romantic alliances, but things didn't work out. Not having a place of my own certainly doesn't help. I've called off the search for a man until I'm able to get myself settled.

    I'm picky myself, and I want a solid relationship with someone who's marriage-minded. While the lonliness does get to you at times, I say its better to be single than to be with someone you're not compatible with, doesn't treat you right, etc.

  • Ellie

    Hi aoxo, welcome to the forum. I was brought up a witness too so know exactly what you mean, but I've found that just relaxing and being yourself, not trying to push things works, just make friends either through work or where ever else you can and pretty soon you'll meet someone.

  • daystar

    We all exist in a constant state of change. Being raised a JW, many of us have "issues" to deal with. Some people feel like they've adequately dealt with them after a time. Others never seem to. I thought I'd dealt with them all after having been out for 14 years. I was fooling myself.

    If you feel like you're at a point where you can handle a relationship, then go for it. Don't expect issues not to pop up here and there. They will.

    Expect to meet failure. You most likely will. But don't expect that you will fail, for then you most assuredly will.

    Be true to yourself, no matter what. Don't try to be someone you're not, for the sake of being in a relationship with someone else. It will likely end tragically.

    Look for people with similar interests, goals, and values. Hang around them.

    No matter what situation you are in, look to the positive, while being aware of the negative. If you allow yourself to focus on the negative, you will become a sourpuss. No one likes a sourpuss.

    And I'll emphasize this statement further. Be true to yourself and you can be false to no other. (nods to Will)

    Good luck!

  • Nosferatu

    You have a PM

  • Think

    Hello my Dear Sister, welcome to net. I know the feeling. Lonely. Tears. Cry to God for help.

    To find the right person to fall in love and marry. Pray to God for the right person, he will guide you. Try Library, Museum, Parks, vacations spots, where people are at easy, relaxed, not to busy with anything, and have the time to chat and be themselves. Don't rush anything, be yourself, try Friendship first, things that you can do together without any commitment. ( Walk in the Park, lunch, wizyt to museum, read a book together in a Library, etc., don't call this a formal date, explain from the beginning if it is nessesary, that you just want to know that person better without any commitment first.) Put your heart in God hands, trust him.

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