Lurkers:How To Leave The Organization Quietly And Discreetly

by metatron 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • metatron

    An ever growing number of Witnesses would like to leave the organization - but how? You may have an extended family "in the truth".

    All your "friends" ( and that word "friends" deserves to be put in quotes ) may be "in the truth". You may not be in any position to make

    a clean break by disassociating yourself - so, what can you do?

    First, adopt an illness! Depression worked well for me. Migraines might work even better. Also, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

    or any number of chronic conditions. The point is: you need a parachute whose ripcord can be pulled at any moment,

    convenient to you. I know one elder's wife who claimed so many chronic illnesses over the years, that I've lost count!

    You might want to claim that "night blindness" prevents you from attending any evening meetings.

    Second, get some outside help! Build some friendships at work or school. If asked about your "bad associations", just say

    that you're witnessing to them and trying to get them to study.

    Third, Move somewhere else! Deliberately attend a Kingdom Hall far from your home and turn in your time for a couple of months.

    Ask the congregation Secretary if they received your publisher record card yet. If so, disappear completely and never return

    to that Hall again! Make sure you gave them a phony address - or none at all. You are now free.

    If you can't get completely free, turn in some fake hours at least once every six months so that you don't get on the

    list for irregular publishers. If elders insist on prying, just talk about your illness/disease and admit to nothing.

    If you must go to meetings, try showing up for the beginning and skip the rest. You just want to be seen. If you have to stay,

    pretend to take notes while making up grocery lists. Take up meditation, close your eyes and lower your blood pressure.

    I once saw an older sister knitting during a convention program, while seated in the center "old folks" seats, facing the audience,

    It was funny. Use your imagination!


  • stillAwitness

    Man... seems like a lot.

    Maybe I should start pondering the possibility of D'A myself...

  • Dune

    personally, i favor the fade. My family wont be affected, i wont have to bother with those bothersome judicial commitees and best of all when i'm 70 i'll go back cause i'll have nothing better to do (and my family wont have to pay for a funeral home :-d)

    But in all seriousness, i dont think i can up and leave all of this, so i think fading will be the best. Also, when i graduate from college i'm going to move out of the area so that should finalize everything. I cant agree with you more about the finding new friends category, after this semester, i plan on joining a club at school, that should help me on the way out.

  • Mr.Beaker

    Hey all, this is my first post here and thought this topic was a beauty!!!

    I managed to "disappear" but it took a fair bit of work. I moved states and went to 1 meeting, I told the elders in my old congregation that I would let them know what congregation i was going to be in after i moved. I never did. They once tried calling my parents who live overseas to find out where i had gone, also asking my brother who was still in the old congo. None of which caused them to find me!

    Next is the move overseas... Ive never made a move with the goal to disappear from the JWs, its just been a positive outcome!!

  • cyberdyne systems 101
    cyberdyne systems 101

    This seems overly elaborate to me, but I guess there are those who dont want a clean break and wish to fade or drift out.

    In fact a friend of mine has done just that - although he still claims to feel it is the truth, but its the people he had issue with and that feeling a lot of us had of never being good enough. He has moved a few times and therefore congregations so I guess he wasn't close to anyone and was able to miss meetings without much intervention. He had no plan to do this, rather it just happened. Lets face it if your in your mid to late 30's and male and havn't made it to an MS or elder, your not wanted and are likely to be left as a weak one anyhow (lost cause).

    Good luck to all you faders - I have to say personally to read about those who questioned the watchtower and left because of its falsehood, actually making a stand against it have my respect, I just stopped going myself and did most of my research after I had left, I now wish I had left by disasociating myself from the lie.

  • DannyBloem

    Some say that DA is better. yes maybe it is good to make a stand. But you have little change in helping others to get out after that, except for that one final eyeopener.
    Some think fading is better, we do not have to be martyrs. When we are not DA/DF'd we can help others better maybe. But then you always live the lie.

    I'm busy with the fade thing, but do not know if I could make it. I do not think that fading is easier.

    I think that moving, only to break away is a big thing to do. Moving has such a big impact.
    You can just go to another congregation. Make or fake a big argument with a wiseass brother or sister, and say you can;t stand him anymore and go to other congregation. Of course you get counseling, but who cares. This moving happens a lot. Then repeat this 3 times or so, coming to the meetings less and less (so they care less and less). Tell the elders each time another congregation then you will show up. At the last congregation tell to some brothers and sisters you are going because you do not like it here, to yet another congregation, name your original one.
    Your card will get lost somewhere, or will keep circling, until nobody cares.

  • scotsman

    My take would be:

    Start making friends elsewhere.

    Just stop attending meetings but offer no explanation beyond doubts.

    Don't accept more than one shepherding visit.

    Don't confide or even hang out with old Witness friends.

    Make sure you're not seen smoking, attending another church or making out with someone for at least the next year.

    Yes this will be difficult for JW family members but the ones that can't handle it will cut you off if you do the long term slow fade anyway, or if you move away and stop attending meetings.

    Witnesses train their members to waive the right to privacy (eg. elders prying into the bedroom and now HLC reading your medical records). Reclaim it. Explanations and personal decisions are yours, not a corporations.

  • jwfacts

    Good topic Metatron.

    I couldnt really fade because of knowing too many people and being related to too many, so had no end of harrassment from the elders. But I spent the last few years preparing my mind for being shunned, so now it has happened it is actually a relief. One really important thing was to make new friends before the shunning. I have heard of too many people that got d/f without knowing any non JWs and it was emotional hell for them for a long time.

    Mr Beaker, welcome, nice to see another person from NSW.

  • ozziepost

    Welcome aboard, Mr Beaker!

    Another from NSW, eh?

    Heard about the Apostates's Restaurant? You'll have to join us sometime. Just turn left at Bethel!

    cheers, ozzie

    Freedom means not having to wear a tie.

  • minimus

    I think that it has to be a "process" to be successful. Well planned, deliberate. In my mind, the FIRST thing to do is make friends with "worldly" aka/ "normal" people. Once the foundation is laid, the isolationism is not a huge factor. Then resolutely make legit excuses----even if they're not considered that good by the elders. Work more hours, get sick more, ISOLATE yourself. E v e n t u a l l will be less thought of. This "process" is about a 2 year thing. It worked for me!!!

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