How do you choose......

by EC 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • EC

    I was born and raised a JW.... Right now I know I am still going through the deprogramming, but in the pit of my stomach I so want to believe in something. I don't know if it is because I always have had a regular "schedule" with God, but to leave and not believe anymore to me is very lonely. Where do you start? How do you just "allow" grace, or whatever, to just happen? Prayer even confuses me now. Who do you pray to? I also don't want to jump into something else just to fill a void but, I guess I just don't feel "biblically" smart enough to figure it out on my own. My mind is constantly swimming and I don't want to feel this way anymore. The cycles you have to go through are so hard. It is like relearning to walk or talk after a bad accident.....And also my young children are constantly asking me questions and always talking about God and I have no idea what is the right or wrong thing to say.....I was so scared as a witness child about Armageddon and dying.....I made a decision not to talk to my children about it, instead I focused on Jehovah's love. I am so thankful that I did that, especially now that I am taking steps to leave. This site has been such a great help, but I have to say confusing for me too. I mainly stick to experiences of ones leaving because if I venture off into the biblical discussions it just confuses me. I guess what I am trying to say is ANYONE can take the bible and twist it or construe it to mean whatever they want it to mean, so really, where is the truth?? I am sorry that I am jumping around everywhere. I have so many questions that I need answered. As many of you can probably relate, in the organization, every question has an answer. There are no gray areas......To go from that, my entire life, to this is difficult to process. Thank you all for your help.

  • Legolas

    Welcome to the board!

    Believe in yourself!

  • luna2

    Welcome, EC!

    I think I'm still just floating on my back, letting the current take me with regards to religion and belief in a god. I read the posts here on Bible/spiritual topics and am letting my attitudes develope naturally. Right now, I'm certainly agnostic and leaning towards atheistic. I know floating along like this isn't for everybody. LOL

    Some find great comfort and joy in joining other religions, ones that aren't as constricting and absolute as Jehovah's Witnesses. Guess you have to figure out what is right for you at the moment. It doesn't mean that you can't change your mind down the road if a particular church or faith doesn't meet our needs.

    One thing I'm pretty sure of is that there is no one single organization/religion that God (if he exists) uses exclusively. Certainly the Watchtower, which has set itself up in place of Jesus, makes unending false prophecies and is more a corporation than a religion, couldn't possible be the avenue a sane and loving superior being would use for anything.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    I think I can relate to what you are saying. I am in a process of change .I still feel a need to figure out what I believe as far as God,right now I don't know who to pray to either.I think maybe, pray to heavenly Father our Creator, and leave off any first names. What I have concluded is I won't have all the answers right away, if ever ,so take a day at a time and be open to listen to others opinions.I set before me things I know for sure # 1 I refuse to live a life motivated by guilt any more.#2 If something bothers my conscience then I don't go along with it.# 3 I will do things that bring me happiness and joy. That's pretty basic stuff right now ,but it gets me through the day.

  • prophecor

    Welcome EC. With a little luck and some looking around in here, you should find many of the answers for which you're searching. Grace? It just happens. Grace is all that I've got. It's showed up at the most particullarly oddest times of my life. Many, in a moment of desperation. I think its found you, right here. Look around. Hang in there. Take the time to de-activate your account with the WTB&TS. Everything should fall into place soon.

  • schne_belly

    Welcome to the board EC!

  • acquittal

    Dear EC,

    Congratulations to your brave step of writing your thoughts down as they are ...

    Don't you agree, that we kids of j.w. always had an answer at hand WHATEVER it was (thank you so much Mr Watchtower ). The current status of your inner development is on tour and works hard.

    For me personally I've found out to accept open questions instead of indigestive replies (do you see the elephant? ). A few decades of your life are gone and you were kept rather little in your self-thinking. Now, as you realize to live without fixed answers given by remote-controlled Watchtower-Men you see a big dark hole and huge question-marks. This is life in the purest version. You will adjust to it. Take your time. Cheer up! It takes a few years and then you will laugh about the McDonalds-food of j.w.-zombie-land.



    P.S.: It is not a shame at all to tell my kids that I am not a walking copy of the American Encyclopedia for everything in this world ... everybody can live his/her dream without fences. Th thing is, we are not used to have a play ground in our mind without fences ...

  • cyberdyne systems 101
    cyberdyne systems 101

    As your aware your not alone in your feelings. I am a thinker and upon leaving you are left with a void, it can range from how do I live to what movie shall I watch.

    Personally I have felt very immature for my age because my life has been planned out for me until now. I had no ability to think for myself to make choices etc. I think you go through a process of denial - anger - relief, good and bad emotions.

    Right now I wonder if the bible is from god, if there even is a god? I can now see the witlesses are just another interpretation, unfortunately delivered in a cult like manor. My main advise is to let the conditioning fade before you make any serious spiritual choices. I have just recently read the new testament and was amazed how different it was without the watchtower bias, I still dont think it applies beyond the annointed christians of that day or is even deffinately true, but you may find the answers your looking for in it without someone else telling you what it means to them.

    Hang in there and time will heal you


  • jgnat

    Yup, it's rough learning to live with uncertainty. If you loved the routine, why not follow a schedule and read the bible in a year?

  • NYCkid

    Hi and Welcome,

    As I posted on recent topic train regarding a similar topic in MY experience, it's best to not get involved in another religion right away (I've been out for about 12 years and was raised a JW). I hear your pain, but you need time to explore many ideas and thoughts as well as to develop as an individual. However be cautious about finding answers to all your questions. One of the things that draws people to the JW religion is that it appears that they have the answers to all kinds of theological questions and to the purpose of our existence. They don't have the answers and they are only presenting an interpretation of scripture (although they won't admit it). Religion like life is very complicated and we have to admit that there are not always answers. The questions you may have are no doubt questions humans have been asking since the advent of intelligent life form. History tells us that through free inquiry and debate, conclusions about a plethora of topics can be made, but these are only conclusions based on experience and sensory's deep stuff, but give yourself a break for now and enjoy living your life on your terms as you begin your journey to self-actualization. My most important word of advice: be very wary of anyone or anything that tells you they have all the answers AND take some college courses that will initiate your new life full of free inquiry. Personally I'm enjoying the freedom from not worrying about the end of the world and although there are admittedly many problems that plague mankind, life is quite wonderful and must be embraced. Besides, each of us can become involved in our communities to make living better for everyone.

    Best wishes.


Share this