Hi LL,
Thanks for taking this on. I'm really interested to see if there's any specific advice for discovering and nurturing passions. I don't have many interests and I can directly relate that to abusive parents and my JW upbringing.
Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships
by Lady Lee 19 Replies latest members private
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Big Tex
The keys to recovery are balance and moderation, qualities of life that were most likely absent in the cult. Give yourself a program from recovery that addresses your needs and wants, changing it as necessary to adapt to new circumstances and needs.The important thing to do is what feels right. After all that time in the cult spent squeling your gut instincts, it is now time to let your self speak to you--and this time you can listen and act. From now on, only you are responsible for setting and achieving your goals.
Exactly. Move at your own speed, addressing those issues that mean the most to you. For example, I left over the issue of child abuse and the Society's demand that one must have 2 eyewitnesses to be believed (Iike that ever happens). For me this rule was not only looked the other way but so blantantly condoned child abuse that it left me with huge trust issues in spirituality. How could I trust Jehovah when he demanded something so unreasonable?
Gradually I gave myself permission to look and think more and more outside the limited areas the Society imposed. Maybe it wasn't Jehovah who made that demand, maybe it was the Witnesses. What a revolutionary thought that was!
The part of the above quote that resonates most with me is "After all that time in the cult spent squeling your gut instincts, it is now time to let your self speak to you--and this time you can listen and act."
Yes! I truly believe that God doesn't make crap. By that I mean that we know when we hurt; we know when need; and we know deep down when those hurts and needs aren't being met. Someone once said, "He knows only that he needs doctor. But like so many of us, he does not know what." We all have not only the instinct for survival we know innately what we need. Those needs, spirituality and all that that implies, must be addressed. We are NOT wrong for scratching the itch.
It's that which often impels people to start the break out. And perhaps this is why that feeling is often ridiculed or suppressed.
Chris
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Lady Lee
BT
Gradually I gave myself permission to look and think more and more outside the limited areas the Society imposed. Maybe it wasn't Jehovah who made that demand, maybe it was the Witnesses. What a revolutionary thought that was!
That is such a hard thing to do. The WTS does so much to scare people into thinking in a very limiting way. The control is so great that they don't even need to have someone monitoring what a person thinks and does. People will monitor and report themselves to the elders. Separating the org from God is huge.
The part of the above quote that resonates most with me is "After all that time in the cult spent squeling your gut instincts, it is now time to let your self speak to you--and this time you can listen and act."
I have learned the hard way that ignoring my gut feeling always gets me into trouble.
"He knows only that he needs doctor. But like so many of us, he does not know what."
So true. I don't always know what I want but I DO know what I don't want
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Big Tex
I have learned the hard way that ignoring my gut feeling always gets me into trouble.
Isn't that the truth? I remember my last therapist once told me that a victim is someone who waits for bad people to turn good and good people to hurt. Part of the transition out to survivor is to change that, and in this case of spiritual abuse it is to stop waiting for the Society to behave decently, lovingly and do as they say. It is part of their evil that they demonize those who can truly help.
To come out of an abusive experience, whether spiritual, sexual, physical or emotional, requires strong survival skills. That gut feeling is sometimes the only milepost we've got as we try to navigate out. Perhaps that is what separates those long-time Witnesses who leave versus those who stay. We trusted our hearts, rather than our eyes and ears because we wanted to survive.
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Lady Lee
a victim is someone who waits for bad people to turn good and good people to hurt.
WOW I can so relate to this. It's practically the story of my life.
Part of the transition out to survivor is to change that, and in this case of spiritual abuse it is to stop waiting for the Society to behave decently, lovingly and do as they say.
Reading the posts here and the devastation of so many lives helped me realize just how corrupt the WTS really is. The Mexico/Malawi issue really flicked on the light bulb for me.
To come out of an abusive experience, whether spiritual, sexual, physical or emotional, requires strong survival skills
I think it takes a long time for many victims to believe in their personal strength. I know I thought I was weak for walking away from any of my abusers.
That gut feeling is sometimes the only milepost we've got as we try to navigate out
Sadly I thnk all abusers waork hard to teach us to ignore that gut feeling. They undermine any feeling as bad and wrong. It often takes a lot for a person to start listing to their internal guide and then to act on it..
Perhaps that is what separates those long-time Witnesses who leave versus those who stay. We trusted our hearts, rather than our eyes and ears because we wanted to survive.
If those who listen to thei conscience leave then I think it is really scary to think about what happens when they leave and the org is filled with YES men (and women) who believe they have a moral right to set themselves above others and then treat those who leave as less than human.
Both ozzie and Scully have recently posted some incredibly hurtful comments that JWs have made to them.
Words from JWs that Show Their True Colours by Scully
Lurkers and JW apologists: Please read this experience and consider by ozzie
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seven006
Lee,
I think this is great and very much needed here. In the past I have spent numerous hours reading books along this line but quit reading them years ago. I have not read this one but am very impressed with the outline you have provided that gives an overview.
I have only one question. Are the authors writing this from any kind of specific religious affiliation? Or simply, do either one of them consider themselve a Christian?
Dave -
Lady Lee
seven006
Tobias is a psychotherapist and exit counselor in private practice since 1079. She is a former member of an Eastern meditation cult and a psychotherapy cult.
Lalich is a former member of a political cult and is associate editor of the Cultic Studies Journal. Plus she runs a goup fro ex-cult members.
What I like about the book is that no where do they talk about JWs or the WTS. The information can so easily apply to any kind of cult. AndI think it is Tobias who brings in the connection with controlling relationships. I certainly see the similarities that have occurred in my life.
From what Lalich and the new publisher have said, the new edition will be even better but I really don't want to wait to start this and see how it goes.
I haven't finished the whole book yet. I'm about half way through. The approach is educational and therapeutic. I haven't read any religious slant to any of it. They clearly talk about all kinds of cults, religious, political, financial, therapeutic, etc. They make it really clear (in the first paragraph that I will be posting tomorrow) that they will not address the beliefs of any cultic group. They are far more concerned about the controls they have over people.
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LearningToFly
Thank you Lady Lee! I still have not gone through all the postings you have provided, but this is something I truly need at this stage in life, and I thank you for providing it here.
LTF
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JK666
Lady Lee,
Thank you for this opportunity. I look forward to participating!
JK