My Family or Thiers?

Dondi

I am new to this site and am seeking a little advice from some of your more seasoned veterans. I met my girlfriend about 7 years ago, when we met we fell in love and 2 years later had a baby and we moved in together. I brought with me 2 children from a previous marriage and she had one from a previous as well. While I knew her for the first two yrs. she hinted that she was once a JW and her mother as well. Didnt think much of it because she never went to the hall or her son either. Soon after a JW rep started to show up while I was at work and give her child classes in my house. I figured Id leave it alone I knew nothing. Soon after she began to take "studies" as well. About a yr after we argued, I moved out and got my own Apt. 3 months later we talked and started to see each other again. All of a sudden she is seriously into the religion. I loved her so much I went to the hall with her twice but as they preached I just felt some things they were saying were odd so I began to research the background of the "religion". Needless to say I found many inconsistancies and things I didnt like. When I brought it to her attention, the fights began. I truly Love her and wish we can agree on researching the background together but she is close minded, she doesnt want to know who originally translated their NWT, she doesnt want to know of all the Watchtower contraversial statements of the past, the false prophecies or the fact that God would have left his people with out the "true" religion untill the late 1800's. I want to be with her and have a family but it is very difficult around holidays, birthdays, and even the fact that she thinks we cant be intimate until were married even though we have a child together( considering all the arguements marriage is a difficult thing) She doest want to reason or research at all. What do I do? Last week she had one day off of work, she had six hours of freedom for our family to spend some quality time 4 went to studies and the hall and 2 went to me and the family. please help.

Aude_Sapere

Gosh what a mess...

I understand your pain, frustration and the full extent of the problem.

Yours is a great example to share with people who KNOWINGLY get involved with active/inactive witnesses.

Many people here will have suggestions and encouragements for you. It's a little late at night right now so the postings slow down quite a bit so maybe post back on this thread tomorrow morning in order to bring it up to the top of the 'Active Topics' list.

In the meantime. pour yourself a cup of tea - or a beer! - and read thru some posts in the 'Best of' series on the home page of this site. There's so much great information there.

btw - Welcome to JWD. This is a perfect place for you to address your questions and concerns. While most of the people here are ex-witnesses, many are active, some were elders and a good number are current elders and ministerial servants.

Nice to have you along.

-Aude.

Aude_Sapere

Here are a few links:

From Lady Lee's 'Best Of' Series: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/77159/1.ashx

Jgnat is a non-jw married to a jw. She recently started a special support series. I will try to find a way to list her Threads. Try this link: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/member/3324/topics/default.ashx

You will find that Jgnat refers to UBM's. That's UnBelieving Mates. Witnesses refer to their non-witness spouses as 'unbelieving' regardless of what religion that spouse professes. Check_Your_Premises has good threads, too. Try this one for starters: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/104475/1.ashx

Hopefully others will start responding tomorrow.

Good Night.

-Aude.

quango

Hi Dondi.

Bear in mind that this is very much an anti-witness forum , so most of the responses you will get will be very hostile towards Jehovah's witnesses.

For a more balanced view , feel free to ask some of the current elders from the congregation your girlfriend is studying with.

funkyderek

quango:

Bear in mind that this is very much an anti-witness forum , so most of the responses you will get will be very hostile towards Jehovah's witnesses.

Now, that's not quite true. Active Jehovah's Witnesses are perfectly welcome here. We don't have that many because their religion prohibits them from being here on pain of shunning and the threat of eternal damnation.

For a more balanced view , feel free to ask some of the current elders from the congregation your girlfriend is studying with.

How would they have a balanced view? Their professed goal is to convert as many people as possible to their religion. They prohibit their "flock" from even looking at material or talking to people that would cause them to question their faith.

under74

Nice one quango...I almost peed my pants reading that ask elders for a "balanced view" part. JWs are welcome here...they just need to accept that others don't have to agree with them.

Dondi- Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry for what you're going through and also what your girlfriend is going through. Aude gave some good links there are more if you click on the "best of" topic. A lot of people have been in your place, you're not alone. And trust me on this... elders and anyone your girlfriend is studying with will not give you a balanced view.

Honesty

Welcome, Dondi

I hope you can get things worked out with your GF.

Bear in mind that this is very much an anti-witness forum , so most of the responses you will get will be very hostile towards Jehovah's witnesses.
For a more balanced view , feel free to ask some of the current elders from the congregation your girlfriend is studying with.

You will find a lot of compassionate elders on this forum. Some of them are still active Jehovah's Witnesses. Most of us here are not hostile towards the Jehovah's Witnesses because we know they are just following orders from their masters at WTBT$ headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.

garybuss

Get custody of the child!

quango

"Get custody of the child!"

I rest my case!

Sentient

Hi Dondi-

It is my belief and experience that the most effective way to help a Witness is to be able to demonstrate and explain to them, in a loving and considerate way that respects them as a person, the difference between love and control. They truly believe that they are not being controlled in any way, and are in an extremely loving organization. The primary thing is to educate yourself (maybe even heal yourself a little too in the process) and compare what you are learning to what is happening in the organization, then you become in a much better position to help someone else that you love.

Don't push things, don't try to make things happen before they're ready to happen. Love is not controlling. A choice-respecting approach based on understanding is what will do the greatest good. Share information with another, use questions effectively to stimulate critical thought. Once you understand the interworkings of the organization and the methods used in the indocrination and social system, you will begin to understand just what to say and when. Remain CALM, patient and kind. If you follow this advice I have know doubt you will succeed and you will become closer to your family than ever, because love in action has the greatest power of all.

For more information on the techniques that you need to understand try my earlier post here.

My Family or Thiers?

Share this