Childlessness: Missing Part of My Humanity

prophecor

Somehow it just occured to me, I've no idea where this came from all of a sudden, but not being one who's ever had children of their own, I feel the missing portion of my humanity has been lost in this. Those who are biological mothers and fathers have a kinship with thier children that defies the normal comprehesion of those who've never had them.

It came to me while watching a movie tonight, Minority Report with Tom Cruise. He was set up to kill someone who was supposed to have kidnapped his child. He would've have died to save his son. So I feel a little handicaped when it comes to not having children. Maybe I've always felt this way, but never truly owned up to it.

Just a thought that I'd had.

atypical

I know what you mean. We have not had any children yet. Sometimes I wonder if maybe we will not be able to relate to real world family problems if we do not have a child. I know couples who have not had children ever who definitely turn me off. I also know parents with children who turn my stomach. I don't know what the answer is. I think it must be that we need to feel unconditional love in some aspect of our life.

Scully

It's not too late! Where I work older couples are having babies all the time it seems.

For those of us with teenagers, sometimes we really envy you folks that chose to be childless. Once you have 'em ... you can't return them!!

under74

I don't know prophecor...I think-
1) not everyone should have kids. It doesn't mean they are bad people. What I mean here is a lot of stupid people have kids...and usually the dumbest have the most.
2)It's not a bad thing to not have any of your own.
Even if a kid isn't bilogical, it doesn't mean you aren't a real mother or real father to them.
3) Our society puts a lot of emphasis on having children...especially biological children--like this is what makes you a whole person. Personally, I think this is wrong and in a way brainwashes people into thinking you have to have a child in order to be right.

I just think that you can have a kinship with kids without being a biological parent. And that if not...as in you don't have biological kids or have developed a good relationship with kids not your own, it makes you know less of a good person. In fact, in many cases I think realizing this can make you a better one.

AK - Jeff

Wifey and I adopted our only child. We feel the same closeness as if she were biological. She is 26 years old now.

That would be one option perhaps - and there are so many children that need someone to take a place in thier lives otherwise - programs like Big Brother/Sister and other mentoring programs. One couple we have met recently are taking Christmas to fly to Mexico and meet and serve the needs of children in an orphanage there.

The biological connection is precious, true. But connection with children is precious on all levels.

Jeff

Dansk

connection with children is precious on all levels

Beautifully said!

Arthur,

I know it can/must be painful for some not to have children. I dearly love my own - and yet only recently Claire and I were discussing this very subject. We both agreed that, knowing what we know now, we wouldn't have any! That sounds selfish, but we were thinking about what we'd be bringing them into!

A lot could, of course, be down to my illness (the way we're thinking right now, I mean). It could be clouding the issue - but as I believe that all is suffering (from a Buddhist perspective) I shudder at the thought of all the trials and tribulations a person has to go through growing up. I'd rather not bring anyone into the world to suffer that. However, once they are here - as my own children are - we love them madly. I wouldn't not have my children for anything now - I'm merely saying that if we were starting over again it would mean deep contemplation. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I know having children is a cause for daily worry, even when they grow up. As you can see, there's so much to consider and you are most definitely not necessarily missing out.

There's also this heinous Watchtower cult to consider. My older daughter hasn't been in touch for three years. To bring a child up and then for that child to disown you is hard to take. We never know what the future holds so, if I were you, I'd count the blessings I HAVE rather than dwell on those I think I don't have.

Obviously, with hindsight, I'd do things differently. Watchtower wouldn't get a look in. I think I could be content just living with Claire, lots of pets and out in the countryside.

Love to you my friend,

Ian

tetrapod.sapien

So I feel a little handicaped when it comes to not having children. Maybe I've always felt this way, but never truly owned up to it.
Just a thought that I'd had.

wow proph. interesting. and here i am in the schedule queue for a vasectomy. hmmmmm.....

i see it this way (though perhaps one day i may see it as you do here), that the difference in genetic material between a homo sapien child you father, and a homo sapien child you adopt is so slim, that it is practically negligible. then again, i don't really believe in the magic of one's individual DNA. then again, i guess neither did the parent who abandoned the child i would adopt should i want one. not that all adopted children abandoned. but you know what i mean. perhaps one day i may feel as you do.

thanks for making me think bro.

TS

gumby

Ian, I didn't know you had an older daughter who has abandoned you ......EVEN WITH YOUR SICKNESS. That's horrible my friend. A cult that can do this type of thing is more dangerous than many realise.

Atypical,

I know what you mean. We have not had any children yet. Sometimes I wonder if maybe we will not be able to relate to real world family problems if we do not have a child. I know couples who have not had children ever who definitely turn me off.

This is why the parts at the assemblies that showed families on stage looked so unrealistic. Many of the old bastards who run the show do not.....or have forgotten, how families are in REAL life. Their portrayal was so off base it made the publishers laugh inside.

Gumby

prophecor

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Childlessness: Missing Part of My Humanity

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Childlessness: Missing Part of My Humanity

atypical

......Sometimes I wonder if maybe we will not be able to relate to real world family problems if we do not have a child.

Scully

Dec 25, 2005

It's not too late! ....( Oh yes the #&%% it is!!! )

For those of us with teenagers, sometimes we really envy you folks that chose to be childless. Once you have 'em ... you can't return them!!

( My sentiments exactly, Scully ) Though not a participant in futhering and propagating the species, I realise as many of you here do that doing that isn't for everyone. Some people are just not cut out for the

under74		Dec 25, 2005
	I don't know prophecor...I think- 1) not everyone should have kids. It doesn't mean they are bad people. ( I know, just not good parents ) What I mean here is a lot of stupid people have kids...and usually the dumbest have the most. ( Can't touch Dis' ) 2)It's not a bad thing ? to not have any of your own. ( I know how much of a blessing it can be to live on the other side of street ) ....society puts a lot of emphasis on having children...especially biological children--like this is what makes you a whole person. ....kinship with kids without being a biological parent. And that if not...as in you don't have biological kids or have developed a good relationship with kids not your own, it makes you know less of a good person. In fact, in many cases I think realizing this can make you a better one.

AK - Jeff

Dec 25, 2005

The biological connection is precious, true. But connection with children is precious on all levels.

Jeff I couldn't have said it any better, Jeff

Dansk

Dec 25, 2005

connection with children is precious on all levels

Beautifully said!

Arthur,

I know it can/must be painful for some not to have children. I dearly love my own - and yet only recently Claire and I were discussing this very subject. We both agreed that, knowing what we know now, we wouldn't have any! That sounds selfish, but we were thinking about what we'd be bringing them into! Ian, I can identify on so many fronts regarding how it is you feel. Not bringing any children into a world such as this. It's selfish in a way, yet and still, I can appreciate not wanting to bring children into a system such as this. With all the injustice, rife with struggle and misery, it could be viewed as almost criminal, not to deal with the helpless children who are already here.

A lot could, of course, be down to my illness (the way we're thinking right now, I mean). It could be clouding the issue - but as I believe that all is suffering (from a Buddhist perspective) I shudder at the thought of all the trials and tribulations a person has to go through growing up. I'd rather not bring anyone into the world to suffer that. However, once they are here - as my own children are - we love them madly. I wouldn't not have my children for anything now - I'm merely saying that if we were starting over again it would mean deep contemplation. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I know having children is a cause for daily worry, even when they grow up. As you can see, there's so much to consider and you are most definitely not necessarily missing out.

There's also this heinous Watchtower cult to consider. My older daughter hasn't been in touch for three years. To bring a child up and then for that child to disown you is hard to take. We never know what the future holds so, if I were you, I'd count the blessings I HAVE rather than dwell on those I think I don't have.

Obviously, with hindsight, I'd do things differently. Watchtower wouldn't get a look in. I think I could be content just living with Claire, lots of pets and out in the countryside.

Love to you my friend,

Ian

tetrapod.sapien

Dec 25, 2005

So I feel a little handicaped when it comes to not having children. Maybe I've always felt this way, but never truly owned up to it.

Just a thought that I'd had.

wow proph. interesting. and here i am in the schedule queue for a vasectomy. hmmmmm..... T, just wanna' say that it's a mixed bag of nuts and bolts. I see myself losing, only in that I'll never have an oportunity to experience that parental nurturing that exist between parent and child. That I'll never be able to throughly understand the bonding that can only occur between biological connectedness. A portion of my understanding of humanity, I feel, goes lost in that I can never look into the eyes of the child I have brought thru my loins as it's so quaintly put in scripture. To know that there is a section of your soul that is visibly balanced and blueprinted in the form of flesh and blood, right before your eyes.

i see it this way (though perhaps one day i may see it as you do here), that the difference in genetic material between a homo sapien child you father, and a homo sapien child you adopt is so slim, that it is practically negligible. then again, i don't really believe in the magic of one's individual DNA. then again, i guess neither did the parent who abandoned the child i would adopt should i want one. not that all adopted children abandoned. but you know what i mean. perhaps one day i may feel as you do.

thanks for making me think bro.

TS

gumby

Dec 25, 2005

Ian, I didn't know you had an older daughter who has abandoned you ......EVEN WITH YOUR SICKNESS. That's horrible my friend. A cult that can do this type of thing is more dangerous than many realise.

Frightening

Narkissos

(((((((((Art)))))))))

There are billions of ways to be human, and everyone of us will only experience one of them. Although -- to play on your thread title -- missing is part of any humanity.

I became a parent pretty late in life, and I am infinitely grateful for my daughter. What I would have become without her, good or bad, I will never know. And whether it was a good idea it will eventually be hers to decide -- and she can revise her judgement any time.

I was not overly interested in furthering my genes. Yet about the considerations on suffering, I have one reservation: absurd and painful as the human world can be I sure wouldn't want it to stop now. It's absurd. It's beautiful. It's human.

Childlessness: Missing Part of My Humanity

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