I can't do it. Am I supposed to?

by Ingenuous 15 Replies latest social family

  • mrsjones5

    After reading your topic I wonder if jw parents take a class teaching them how to totally suck as a parent.

    I also cannot trust my parents. After the way my mother lost her mind when my sister lost her baby and my father took my mother's side like she did no wrong, I know I cannot trust my parents in a emergency. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/90337/1.ashx

    My brother (who hasnt spoken to my parents since it happened in May of this year) and sister feel the same way. My siblings and I have been talking and we finally acknowledged that my mother has been actively trying to poison our relationships by talking about us to each one of us behind the others backs. It had gotten to the point where my brother was hesitant to come visit me because he believed (after talking to my mother) that we would ask him for money, among other things. So we have decided to be a united front. To talk more to each other. To divert or ignore mother when she starts to talk about one of us. And ultimately love and appreciate each other more.

    I love you Suzie and Wes,


  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff
    My father has told me plainly that they will have nothing to do with me if I DA or am DF'd. I have no interest in or need to do either, but just typing that sentence makes me wonder why I bother trying so hard to maintain this relationship.

    I remember one witness mother saying the same thing about her daughter - who was only 15 maybe at the time!

    The Sister said " Well, Lacy knows what will happen if she screws up. She will lose her entire family and have to move out and find a way to make it on her own."

    I was still a witness at the time and nearly cried for her heartlessness for her child. It was already assumed that anything that took Lacy out of hte organization was worthy of total disownment of her. The discussion was regarding how wifey and I were dealing with very sensitive issues regarding our own daughter [who had been df'd]. The callous disregard for what should have been normal parental love and concern was not even in the witness picture.

    As far as your Father thinking he had a right to enter your home to 'investigate' - what is that about?

    I must agree - emotional blackmail is the point here. You must stand up for yourself. It might be time to make a move across state - or far enough away that they cannot interfere in your life - maintain the 'fade' for the sake of visits. Just a thought.


  • Ingenuous
    As far as your Father thinking he had a right to enter your home to 'investigate' - what is that about?

    Every time I think of it, it reminds me of a parent searching their teenager's room while the kid's at school to find out if they're using drugs.

    Only, I'm an adult, with my own home, and I'm capable of engaging in an honest and intelligent conversation if I'm asked a question.

    Apparently, with my parents, "I'll always be your mother/father" actually means 'We will always see you as in immature dependent and we retain the right to treat you like a child - like our property.' My father did say he "retains the right" to interrogate me about my spirituality and worship-related activities. He hasn't resorted to employing this "right" yet, so he has no idea I've retained the right to tell him to mind his own business.

    If I don't grow up, none of us will.

  • AuldSoul
    If I don't grow up, none of us will.

    [somber applause] Well put.

    From the looks of things, their best chance is you. Keep that in mind in your interactions (((Ingenuous))) .


  • hamsterbait

    What happened to "Fathers do not be irritating you children"?

    It will be very hard to do, but - next time they say one word that shows they are not respecting you, get up, and explain you will not accept this and you are leaving NOW. Make it clear that you will not accept an invitation from them, or accept them into your home until they have worked out what is wrong with the way they are treating you.

    If they ask you to explain, refuse. Tell them that their knowledge of the bible should help them work that one out. Then go .

    Whenever your parents behave inappropriately to you, just stand up and leave. NO EXPLANATION. It is like training a dog. Certain behaviors lead to unhappyland. VERY soon they will work it out themselves. No effort on your part.

    HB (lovin ya - my family was so nasty)

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie
    My father has told me plainly that they will have nothing to do with me if I DA or am DF'd.

    Considering their reaction to your need to be heard and respected for your right to make decisions for yourself, you could always tell them that you'd consider that a blessing for you, Ingenuous.


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