I hope you get your sanctuary soon. You sound like you deserve it.
But yikes, waking up to a new day and re-reading my initial post...I feel like a bit of a whiner
Thinking on it some more, it seems to me that we learn and grow so much outside of sanctuary, in ways we never could if we were always inside...yet, somehow, that makes the need or longing for an inviolable one just that much stronger. Is such a thing possible? I think so, for I have found one, deserving or not...and maybe one is all that's necessary.
Your post reminded me of a little story I heard once (I thought in a play by Brecht, or perhaps Beckett, but I can't find it now). Here's how I remember it:
A little boy walks on a low wall beside his father.
"You catch me if I fall, Daddy!
-- Yes son."
At some point the boy falls, scratches his knee and cries.
"Why didn't you catch me, Daddy?
-- To teach you one very important thing: you cannot trust anyone."
This story shocked me when I first heard it, but now I see the point.
I love this topic! I tell myself and my children all the time that our home is our sanctuary - and for that reason, NO ONE is permitted to disturb our sanctuary without dealing with ME! IOW, no teacher will make me angry with my child to the point that I berate him/her as an individual, no child will be allowed to chide their sibling within my earshot - yes, there's enough room for them to be kids but not to be cruel, finally, no man, woman or child can raise their voice to ME in MY F'n house! I've had to say this to visitors a few times and they always pipe right down out of proper respect.
Outside we have to face the world on it's terms, at school, at work, engaging in business etc. No matter what goes on outside, when we come home we should feel safe, secure, loved, protected, cared for, supported - all the warm and fuzzy feelings. Cause if you can't find that at home you're liable to go looking for it elsewhere.
As for the dubs, they violated the most private sanctuary of all - my inner thoughs, my beliefs, motives, goals, hopes and dreams and took them over leaving their lies and fairy tales in their place. After recovering from the cult mentality I would never allow anyone to do that to me again. I fight that every day. I'm determined to be true to my own values and my own beliefs.