Sanctuary Trauma

by MerryMagdalene 13 Replies latest watchtower scandals

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  MerryMagdalene

  In a post by Ingenous on another thread (Scandal Frenzy, I think) some quotes are posted about "sanctuary trauma." It hit me in kind of a big(-ish) way...

  Being hurt by those who should be protecting or nurturing us is a betrayal of sanctuary. The trauma experienced is called sanctuary trauma.

  It's seems such a powerful way of describing what has happened to so many here, in such a variety of ways.

  Our religion was supposed to be a sanctuary, but I grew up with nightmares and guilt and fluctuating levels of anxiety due to not being able to live up to impossible standards, and not having the comfort other Christians have from the awareness of the grace of God through Christ.

  Then being DFed and losing most of my family in one fell swoop was another trauma (a bridge here between two types of sanctuary).

  Home and family should be a sanctuary, but my mother wouldn't leave my mentally/emotionally unstable stepfather because it wouldn't have been "scriptural." So I grew up with the constant stress of never knowing when and how he might "crack" next.

  Marriage should be a sanctuary. Let's just say mine wasn't. Long-term, often low-grade trauma. And yet divorce, as well as being a relief, was also a trauma, as I gave up what I had tried so hard to find and create. Never finding sanctuary in marriage is one trauma, losing the sanctuary one once had, or hoped to have, in it is another (again, I see, so often due to the intrusion of religion).

  I want to give my daughter undefiled sanctuary. I hope I can. I hope I have. I wish sanctuary of all sorts for everyone here, and healing from past/present traumas.

  Love,

  Merry
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  Ingenuous

  Some powerful thoughts, Merry.

  I feel confident that awareness is a powerful tool in healing and learning. I have a great deal of faith and optimism when it comes to the emotional and psychological safety you'll be able to provide for your daughter.
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  MerryMagdalene

  Thank you, Ingenuous. You caught this one before it slipped completely away in today's avalanche of exciting and interesting threads Thank you for your encouraging words. It is difficult to walk unfamiliar paths, especially when moving from darkness to light, from injury to well-being, but, fortunately, it is not impossible

  ~Merry

  [edited to spell your forum name correctly]
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  outoftheorg

  You stepped on a raw nerve Merry.

  Your post made me recall some memories I have from the age of 7 or 8 yrs.

  I recall my mom talking about the child that was to be sacrificed and at the last minute was saved "by an angel telling his father not to continue"and about how children younger than 5 yrs. would be selected and sent to live with the Jewish Hi priests, I think it was .

  During these discussions my mother would be very emotional and very happy, while I stood there frightened, that this might happen to me.

  This never changed. As I look back on my life in the jw's I as a child always felt uneasy about my sanctuary "my mother and home".

  Not much changed as an adult. The jw's religious sanctuary is filled with a mix of fear, anxiety, anger,and confusion.

  Outoftheorg
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  MerryMagdalene

  I appreciate your experience Outoftheorg. And isn't that just the thing with raw nerves? Especially those from childhood. Sometimes you don't even know they're there until something touches one unexpectedly. This site has triggered a lot of that for me during the past year...painful, even startling, revelations...and healing too.

  My best to you!

  ~Merry
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  prophecor

  Home and family should be a sanctuary, but my mother wouldn't leave my mentally / emotionally unstable & stepfather because it wouldn't have been "scriptural." So I grew up with the constant stress of never knowing when and how he might "crack" next.

  Hi Merry. I see reflections of my life in things you speak. Sometimes it becomes almost impossible to seperate ourselves from our history. Repeated failures and generational curses have followed me in many ways. Things which I wasn't responsible for have often found themselves thrust in my lap. Father and I were at odds with each other indefinitely. It continue to be a thorn in my side to this day, eventhough he's been dead now for over 10 years.

  It can be so easy to continue in the pattern. To break the cycle takes enormous effort. I've wrestled with my taking the easy way out, by following along in the footsteps of my father's history. It takes a tenacity for which it is I question whether or not is in me, a resolve to break the chains of the past, dominating my present life.

  I've taken a few bites out of the elephant. It's not a tasty item, and there's much to partake of, but it will bring me to a better place. It's been a long struggle, but I look forward to the blessings that can result from having moved beyond my complacency. Its so easy to stay stuck on stoopid.
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  MerryMagdalene

  Hi, Proph...here's to re-inventing ourselves...day by day...

  ~Merry
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  sixsixsixtynine

  "There........is.........no.......sanctuary!"
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  MerryMagdalene

  That's a good one! But, I must confess, the movie scene that kept springing to my mind was this one:

  

  Quasimodo brings Esmerelda to his "SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY!"

  ~Merry
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  FlyingHighNow

  One reason it's so hard to break a cycle of abuse in one's family is because often one inherits the same temperment and/or emotional problems their parents and grandparents had.

  Sanctuary. Yes, religion, parents, family should provide us shelter from the storm. Sounds like a Dylan song. Good thing to thing about, Mare.