Okay, another self-indulgent post from sass about my mother. This one's a keeper, it's today's cellphone text war. A bit of background; she's had the book study moved from her place as her conscience doesn't permit her to have it there while she's still in contact with me, her disfellowshipped daughter. A few years ago my decision over marrying another non-witness guy split our family down the middle, and she was basically broken by it. She's also menopausal, not dealing with empty-nest syndrome, and in my unprofessional opinion very deeply depressed. I've been getting ready to let her know that I'm just about to stop attending meetings, and after stuff like this maybe the sooner the better.
warning: this post will reveal that I was disfellowshipped for sleeping with my husband before we married but in my own defence he's my first and last...
So I'm doing my five-yearly bra-shopping (I bought six; enough for the next five years...) and this comes in:
Her: PAIN and HURT and SORROW bloody bloody bloody kids if I'd known how much pain mine were going to put me through I'd never have had any. I want to move to the other side of the world where I can get on with my life and not have this PAIN anymore. Have a nice xmas. I hope it makes up for all the ones you think you missed. So sorry for screwing up your life with what (Mr Frass) calls our fucking religion but there I go. I just want to stop feeling SAD
Me: What are you talking about? He'd never have said that
Her: Then you need to speak to (non-witness aunts and uncle who attended the wedding and have been great). Amazingly they were more shocked and disappointed than we were. He had the conversation with them. They had the grace not to say anything until we came home. They related it out of concern for us but mostly you.
Me: Interesting, they told him they're shocked and disappointed that sass' family shun her. Somewhere in there is the truth and I'm not involving them in this to find out
Her: Whatever. Here's a question, did you ever tell (Mr Frass) that if I have sex with you before we are married theres a possibility I would lose my family? See you are the one that put the cart before the horse knowing full well what the consequences might be. You were prepared to dump the family long before they chose their option by your actions. I believe that you can't see that and still remain offended at something you have known all your life would happen! And worse not explain it to Mr Frass that he can accept it. No sorry you dumped us first with very little thought.
Me: Actually I'm just not perfect, and here I am accepting the consequences. Pull yourself together, I don't need this.
Her: Well dammit neither did I. Had a major meltdown yesterday. The primal scream that has been just below the surface for the past five years finally came out. I am living each day between a rock and a hard place fear/hope. You could at least have the courtesy and the compassion to put me out of my misery and inform me one way or the other if you are back at the meetings and if not then let me know that too so I can get on with MY life.
Me: Of course I'm going to meetings. It's time for you to get professional help about the primal scream thing. Nobody else can fix you, we don't know what to do.
Her: I don't need a professional to tell me what I already know.
Me: What, that your depression has plunged to a depth beyond your control and our reach? Yes you do. Welcome to MyLife2001. See a doctor, it saved me from insanity.
*sigh* That's it for now, probably will have ended it because she won't have liked the medical thing. She's not into doctors, she sees a homeopath who cured her chronic fatigue with placebos made from alcohol and water that's put in a magic-ray machine. Yes, I do intend to 'put her out of her misery' just out of a sense of fairness. I realise that it will hurt her a lot initially but she will eventually get on with her life as she says. Well who knows really.
So she finally lost it, I'm kind of glad, she has some good friends, maybe they've noticed and will talk her into doing something about it. Somebody tell me that I don't have the only head-case of a mother on the planet.