A question for all the new ones

by Lady Lee 20 Replies latest jw friends

Lady Lee

skyman
Interesting. I hope other will keep this topic going for awhile so we understand how to get more to post here and start the healing.
Umm they seem to find us pretty fast. I don't think we need to go looking for them. But I agree - Let the healing begin. force Welcome to the group. We really do need someone to talk to when there is no one at home that is safe Mysterious
Any of my worldly associates I had to give too much backstory to for them to understand. I just needed somewhere that others could understand what I was saying.
I see this everywhere. So many people say it is so difficult to expalin this to people who have never gone through this. limbogirl
this forum is that it allows my boyfriend to get some perspective on what I went through with JWs
I'm sure my now you have found our resident expert on UBMs (unbelieving mates) jgnat. Even though you are out I'm sure she .can offer your boyfriend a lot of her wisdom. 2stepper Welcome to the board.
I guess it has taken so long to join in is because I was so screwed up I didn't feel that I had anything worth while to comment on. It's just been within the last year that I've really come to terms with everything and finally rid myself of most of my witness programing.
Yes people have to be ready and come to terms with all the WTS stuff on their own terms. It took me 10 years after I was out to start dealing with it.
Also I was intimidated by the quality of some of the posters here. There are some really sharp people here and being slow of mind and even slower of typing I was comfortable just reading what others had to say.
aw Glad you didn't let us scare you off. We have no idea how fast or slow your typing is in here.
In answer to your question the main reason that I decided to join in was because I felt indebted to everyone here. This site has helped me more than words can describe and maybe in some small way I might be able to help someone else.
Well I for one am glad you are here. And I'm sure you like so many others will have plenty to discuss. Even though I have read similar things many times, someone comes along and says something in just a certain way and I "get it" - even after all these years.
serendipity

Hi Lady Lee,
People may not like my answer, but I'll be frank.
I lurked off and on for a year. What kept me from joining was the irreverant misuse of Jehovah's & Jesus' names and the extreme negativity and victim mentality. I was also bothered by the encouragement to leave JWs without any apparent regard for the consequences to a person or circumstances of that person's life. It's one thing to advise someone to leave if they have no family in the org. It's quite another thing to tell someone to DA when they have generations of family.
I've seen less of this stuff lately so I decided to join. I also hoped that as a member there would be a way to just pull up the new posts in a thread, so I wouldn't have to spend so much time looking for them. I was also curious about the private threads - I thought that's where y'all have all the fun.
I thought that by being a member, I could participate in various topics that I may not have thought about before, helping me with a mental exploration of new ideas. I thought my posts would be commented on, either affirmed by others or picked apart by some bright minds. I don't mind respectful, constructive feedback.
I wanted to share my experiences and show that despite an abusive, unloving upbringing, a person can become a reasonably successful, productive member of society and be content with life. I also want to support the female posters because of all the negative messages females have to deal with, both from the Society & society at large.
I want to communicate that life is what YOU make of it and that a person has to take responsibility her life and not give her power away. That means thinking about what she wants, what's important to her, setting goals and then working toward those goals. There are some who were able to make good lives as JWs- I was, though I had a lot to overcome. Even if a person chooses to leave the JWs, s/he can make a good life despite the consequences. It doesn't mean everything is a bed of roses or that it's easy but it's important to look forward, and not backwards. It's a neverending journey, while we're alive. And it's never too late to start. (That's a paragraph full of bad self-help cliches, I know.)
Finally, I'd like to meet some discreet people in the Dallas area, but I'm not ready for an apostafest. Hopefully this will help me overcome some of my social retardedness.
I think that's about it. Was that enough? (New Year's resolution: learn to edit)
serendipity

Hi 2stepper,
Welcome to the forum!
MuadDib

I didn't lurk around or anything. I was reading about JWs on Wikipedia, just to see what a reasonably balanced outside appraisal of the religion would look like, and followed their link to this page. I saw quite a few threads that seemed to indicate this would be a place where I could find people with similar experiences to my own, and it occurred to me that a messageboard would be an ideal medium for expressing my thoughts and working my way through my issues by discussing them with others. So I signed up and here I am. I already feel better for it - no wonder the Society warns us about places like this all the time.
seek2find

To me, This site had a different feel to it than h20 or some of the other sites that let anything go. I don't agree with a lot of what is said here, but I then I don't agree with everything on any discussion board. It's not about agreeing anyway, its about sharing real life experiances, and learning. I first got started on discussion boards back in the 90s on the old prodigy service. There was a board for only JWs and then there was one for debate called "Not the party line". I learned a lot there. Even tho it hurt a lot to find out that a lot of things I always beleived were not true. When that service closed, I went to h2o tho I didn't post there just read. This is the only board I've posted on since Prodigy. I guess the real reason is sometimes I feel a need to speak my mind, and i feel I can do so here. I can't in my real world because no one is listening. seek2find
Lady Lee

serendipity
People may not like my answer, but I'll be frank.

After reading your post I actually do like and appreciate it.
I lurked off and on for a year. What kept me from joining was the irreverant misuse of Jehovah's & Jesus' names and the extreme negativity and victim mentality. I was also bothered by the encouragement to leave JWs without any apparent regard for the consequences to a person or circumstances of that person's life. It's one thing to advise someone to leave if they have no family in the org. It's quite another thing to tell someone to DA when they have generations of family.
Those things bother me too. People have to make their own choices. Especially when they have JW family who have no idea about the doubts the poster has. Losing all your family is a really hard thing to go through.
I've seen less of this stuff lately so I decided to join. I also hoped that as a member there would be a way to just pull up the new posts in a thread, so I wouldn't have to spend so much time looking for them. I was also curious about the private threads - I thought that's where y'all have all the fun.
Well I am glad you took the leap. I don't know all the things Simon has planned for the new version of the board but I too would love to be able to get to the last posts from where I left off. I've seen it elsewhere and it was great
I thought that by being a member, I could participate in various topics that I may not have thought about before, helping me with a mental exploration of new ideas. I thought my posts would be commented on, either affirmed by others or picked apart by some bright minds. I don't mind respectful, constructive feedback.
I hope you have found that. The administers and moderators try to keep things respectful. And it is possible to disagree and still be respectful of other posters
I wanted to share my experiences and show that despite an abusive, unloving upbringing, a person can become a reasonably successful, productive member of society and be content with life. I also want to support the female posters because of all the negative messages females have to deal with, both from the Society & society at large.
That is so true of those negavive messages
I want to communicate that life is what YOU make of it and that a person has to take responsibility her life and not give her power away. That means thinking about what she wants, what's important to her, setting goals and then working toward those goals. There are some who were able to make good lives as JWs- I was, though I had a lot to overcome. Even if a person chooses to leave the JWs, s/he can make a good life despite the consequences. It doesn't mean everything is a bed of roses or that it's easy but it's important to look forward, and not backwards. It's a neverending journey, while we're alive. And it's never too late to start. (That's a paragraph full of bad self-help cliches, I know.)
I totally agree with this
Finally, I'd like to meet some discreet people in the Dallas area, but I'm not ready for an apostafest. Hopefully this will help me overcome some of my social retardedness.
Well I don't know if you have seen the JWD maps. But the number of Texans on this board is phenomenal.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/73268/1.ashx
Hopefully you can find someone to meet for a coffee.
Lady Lee

Muabdib
I didn't lurk around or anything. I was reading about JWs on Wikipedia, just to see what a reasonably balanced outside appraisal of the religion would look like, and followed their link to this page.
Wow that is a cool link.
I saw quite a few threads that seemed to indicate this would be a place where I could find people with similar experiences to my own, and it occurred to me that a messageboard would be an ideal medium for expressing my thoughts and working my way through my issues by discussing them with others. So I signed up and here I am. I already feel better for it - no wonder the Society warns us about places like this all the time.
Yup the Society knows what will happen when people are granted freedom of thought and speech.
Lady Lee

seek2find
To me, This site had a different feel to it than h20 or some of the other sites that let anything go.
While I believe people have a right to say what they think and feel I, and all the mods here, believe that this does not work well here on this forum. We try hard to make it user friendly. That's not to say people can't disagree. But they can be agreeable about disagreeing.
I don't agree with a lot of what is said here, but I then I don't agree with everything on any discussion board. It's not about agreeing anyway, its about sharing real life experiances, and learning.
exactly
I first got started on discussion boards back in the 90s on the old prodigy service. There was a board for only JWs and then there was one for debate called "Not the party line". I learned a lot there. Even tho it hurt a lot to find out that a lot of things I always beleived were not true. When that service closed, I went to h2o tho I didn't post there just read. This is the only board I've posted on since Prodigy. I guess the real reason is sometimes I feel a need to speak my mind, and i feel I can do so here. I can't in my real world because no one is listening. seek2find
That is so sad that no one is listening. The WTS makes sure people don't talk and don't listen. They are too busy being slaves to the WTS' teachings.
And WELCOME to all you new posters
jessthebull

I discovered this site and signed up on the first day but waited for around a month to make a post. Just wanted to read a few threads and suss the place out. Seeing the response to other new posters also encouraged me to post.
Lady Lee

During the last year I had no internet access unless I found a computer that I could use somewhere. Even though I had been an active poster before that, I had to take a couple of weeks to suss the place out (and all the new posters) too.
It does make sense to get the feel for the place before diving in.
But then I remember when I first went for counseling. I sat there and told my whole story (probably in one breath). I so needed to get it out to someone I hoped would understand.

A question for all the new ones

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