ok i think i finally have made a decision

Cordelia

soooooo any of you thats been following my threads thanks (and poor u) i have changed my mind so many times.

BUT

I have finally decided that i must stop trying to get reinstated, basically i got dfed 9 months ago had a boyfriend i felt i loved, was married tho still to my hubby who is only just starting to divorce me, (hes waited coz he keeps saying we could try again for the sake of our daughter but he would expect me to be completly in the 'truth') i hid the bf from my family coz they were so heartbroke and i decided to please them i would get reinstated and then fade, but as time went on i realised that wasnt an option as with a family like mine it would be so hard to do, plus there was the bf still hidden poor guy, anyway we spilt up several times, i was a complete physco i kept blaming him for everything,

anyway last month i put my letter of reinstatement in and sat there scared stiff that they would reinstate me (as that would defo mean the end of the bf) they didnt reinstate me, and i blamed the bf and we spilt for good;

anyway i decided it was better that we werent together and told my dad i would not see him again (coz my dad had cut off all contact coz id made a big stand to him and told him i want to be with the bf and i hurt him so much so when wed spilt i told my dad i could see him again and i wouldnt see the bf)

but after a few weeks of living without my bf i have realised how much i do love him and that i dont want to go to the meetings anymore so i feel that i should just tell my family,

the question is HOW? how do i hurt them so much i wish id been straight from the beginning instead theyve had 9 months of thinking im behaving and trying to get back, and now if i stop going now i will undo all them months of trying, but if i dont stop i feel i will go crazy and get reinstated and lose the bf

awwwwww what should i do and how?

vitty

Will your BF have YOU back ?

You must play fair by him and start putting him first, before your family and this means telling them the truth about him and accepting any concequences.

Goodluck

telltruth

hi cordelia. i agree with vitty on this. being the person who is being hidden from the jw family i can tell you it hurts like hell. you owe it to your boyfriend to be honest with him. you owe it to yourself. if your own life is the one you wish to lead, honesty is the only option... it is real....telltruth

Cordelia

i understand what you are both saying. but do you understand my piont that if i say about my bf i will lose my family forever and its a big decision to make.

i did decide i would just go back and live my life thru my family but if my bf is willing to have me back then i feel like i should give him a chance.

isnt it a shame that giving him a chance would mean hurting my family (what a bad religon!)

thing is as well, the bf is sick of everything so wants to move in with me (so then id be living in sin) but i dont think hed settle for hiding again, so what do i dooooo?

carla

To be perfectly frank I think you should stop wasting your bf's time and his life. You are much to conflicted and at some point yet again decide to go back. What happens to him then if you should marry and have children? And your family guilts you back. Then he will have the life of us ubm's. I can understand your dilema and sympathize, but you must also think of his life as well. To knowingly put him through what you have read from the many ubm's to me would just be plain selfishness on your part. Let him go.

vitty

If you decide to put your family first and give up your BF, that means you will never be able to have a bf again, unless hes a JW or they will shunn you. Can you really see yourself being a JW for the rest of your life ?

If not then the answer is clear, but maybe not easy.

Are you sure you will lose your family forever ?

jgnat

You can't break this to your family without causing them pain. Cordelia, I don't think you've had as much trouble knowing what you must do, your problem is living with the consequences.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/100361/1743132/post.ashx#1743132

I suggest you steel yourself for the uproar and then do it.

.

I suspect your parents know you really well, may calmly accept your latest decision, and then try another run at you a week from now, "give you time to think about the consequences." They've had lots of success turning you around by applying a little pressure. Only you can stop the merry-go-round by standing firm.

You may want to practice with us. We could throw all the manipulative shrieky weepy things our parents have told US, and you can practice being firm with US. I think the longest I went not talking to my family was two years. People are human. If you stand firm, in time your parents will have to accept you for what you are. Or THEY will have to live with the consequences. Lost relationship with their grandchild. Lonely in their old age, etc. etc.

AlmostAtheist

You've wasted 9 months of your life on this, Cordy. You've decided it's go time. So GO!

Be straight with your family. Tell them why you won't be coming back to JW's. Tell them you think it is so messed up that your family could even contemplate shunning you, much less that they will actually do it. But also tell them that you ARE leaving JW's and you are NOT coming back. Don't let them feed you ANY sort of deals on 'just trying it one more time' or 'just get reinstated' or anything. No deals are necessary.

Then go on out and live like a normal human being.

Dave

Cordelia

thanks so much jgnat u have always helped me so much i dont mean to seem like i havent listened but i made my decision to tell my dad and my bf started being horriable about the way i had treated him in the past and it all went pearshaped and i found myself promising my family i wouldnt see him again, i know i need to do it now its been too long surely to keep coming back to each other like this must mean theres something there!

vitty i know what you mean and carla is ubm unbelieving mates and is that what u are and is it hard? coz i guess us jws expect other people just to understand and i know thats not fair.

jgnat

Now you are worried how we feel! This is your weak spot, I figure, Cordelia. Just like the old man, the boy, and the donkey, you don't want anyone to feel badly about you. By trying to please everybody, you please nobody.

You might need to talk to a counsellor to sort out why you slave so hard to have everyone like you.

Believe me, being a strong person who stands up for HERSELF is a very admirable quality. You will earn the respect of everyone around you.

ok i think i finally have made a decision

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