Mom Makes Daughter Stand on Street Corner (page 3)

stillconcerned

Intentionally humiliating/SHAMING a child may change behavior, but it won't change the heart.

As parents, aren't we after the HEART of our children?

I care about my daughter's behavior; i care more about what's going on in her HEART.

twinflame

Wow, I saw the subject of this post several times before I opened it. I thought for sure it was going to be about a JW Mom making her child stand on the street corners with the ragazines.

mrsjones5

Intentionally humiliating/SHAMING a child may change behavior, but it won't change the heart.
As parents, aren't we after the HEART of our children?
I care about my daughter's behavior; i care more about what's going on in her HEART

That's sweet but kids arent really that deep. If they are acting out it's either becasue something is bothering them or they dont know or havent been taught how to handle themselves or a situtation. I am concerned about my kids's hearts and mental well being but I see no harm in expressing to them when I think they are out of line and punishing them if it continues. If I dont do it someone else down the line will and I'd rather it be me getting them in line now than a cop beating my sons to death in the future.

Josie

LDH

Humiliation was the order of the day for a lot of us JW kids.

I don't think what this mom did was great, but I have seen worse humiliation. Sometimes children can be shocked when faced with the raw facts of their behavior. I have seen a lot of kids in the prestigious school district I live in, throwing away their education. I always try to impress upon my girl that she has more at age 15 than 95% of the children who are born on the face of this earth will ever have.

IMHO, as the mother of a 15 yo daughter in a prestigious and high performing school district I can tell you I have never resorted to the humiliation tactic. On a couple of occasions I have had to tell her, "I don't want to embarrass you; stop pushing my buttons" in front of her friends. The THREAT of embarrassment works much better than the actual embarrassment.

By the way, I have kept it all positive with her. Out of her own choice, she has no boyfriend. She is much too busy with band. So far she has made good choices, but it's a marathon and not a sprint.

mrsjones5

Yeah I have read that the best way to keep teens out of trouble is to be very involved in their lives (as much as they will let you) and to have them involved in positive activities like band or sports and limit times of being alone like mall cruising and that window of time when they get home for school.

Josie

LDH

be very involved in their lives (as much as they will let you)

They will let you, if you are not judgemental. The things I hear from the kids, would amaze you. Instead of taking a dogmatic JW like approach, I present the alternate viewpoint to the opinion they express in a very rational way.

The usual response is ," I never thought of it that way."

If you want to push your kid away, be a know-it-all. If you want to attract your child to you, let it be know that you, too are learning. Also that you are open to correction, and will apologize willingly if you are shown to be in error.

Humiliation is not net necessary where there is two way communication; it's about the respect you display for each other.

It probably won't ruin this kid's life, but it probably won't help her in the long run. After the JWs the lesson I have learned and have sought to teach is one of BALANCE IN ALL THINGS.

jeanniebeanz

Saying that the daughter sending her aged mom out in her wheelchair to beg for Depends for wetting herself is the same thing as trying to reign in an out of control teen by humiliating her to her senses is kind of dumb.

Dealing with a recalcitrant teenager would have any mom, good, bad or indifferent, banging her head against the wall at times. Since I don't know this woman or what this kid has been putting her through, I don't think it's my place to judge. Sounds like the mom was making a desperate attempt to save her daughter from herself, regardless if it was 'right' or not. If is was (gag) "abuse" (a much over used word these days, imho), let the Child Protective Services handle it. Maybe they will enroll the mom into some kind of "how to deal with a teenager who is ruining your life" class that would be helpful.

For a fact though, no matter how great a mom you are, kids can make you insane...

J

mrsjones5

I have a friend who raised her two daughters by herself. Even moved to a city where the cost of living was a bit higher but she could just afford it so she could send her daughters to the much better schools in that city. The girls reached the teen years and started to act out. The mother tried everything to control and help daughters but one day she lost her cool and things got physical. One of the daughters called the cops, social services got involved, the mom went to court and it came down to the mother been restricted and threaten with jail time if she touched the girls again. Her daughters took full advantage of their mother's hands being tied and started coming in at late hours, bringing strange men that they had met on the internet home, back talking, even getting physical with the mother and daring her to hit back so that they could call the cops. The mother couldnt even throw them out of the house because they were underage and social services was involved. The mother used to call me and my husband and I just couldnt stand it sometimes because there was nothing I could do and all I could tell her was be patient and pray that time flys til the day they turn 18 then kick them out, which happened just a couple of years ago.

Josie

jeanniebeanz

Hearing that kind of crap really *isses me off. I'd have moved back to the little town, into a small apartment where they would have to share bunk beds, and told them if they wanted to stay in the 'big town' they could get emancipated and do it themselves. That way, you're not kicking them out, you're just taking control of the situation. If they want to come with you, fine. If not, hit the trail.

I think we are too afraid of our own kids these days and we are screwing ourselves later in life because of that. Spoiled brats do not give a flying rats *ss for their aged parents.

J

mrsjones5

I think we are too afraid of our own kids these days and we are screwing ourselves later in life because of that. Spoiled brats do not give a flying rats *ss for their aged parents.

I agree. I think some parents are afraid of their kids and try desperately to be their friends. I am not my kids' friend I am their mother. If I tell my kids that I am their friend I lower myself in terms of respect and responsilbility, I put myself on an equal level with my kids when I should be the one in control and looking out for their welfare. I tell my kids that we are not equal yet, that there will come a day when they will be adults and I will treat them as such. Kids want to be protected and nurtured by their parents especially their mom.

Sometimes my oldest wants to do something that I dont approve of and tells me that everyone else is doing it and that he will look like a dweeb if he cant, I tell him to tell his friends that his mom says he cant do whatever crazy thing they want to do - just put the blame on me and sometimes the look of relief that comes across that boy's face is priceless.

Josie

Mom Makes Daughter Stand on Street Corner

Share this