Can someone help me decide what to do?

Kaylen

Can someone give me some feedback on what they would do in this situation:

Last weekend my best friends husband told me that three years ago he caught (and spied on for about half an hour) my husband and my very best friend "getting hot and heavy" (his words) in our spa and that he watched them because "he found it hot". The three of them decided that they would not tell me and kept it a secret for the last three years until he told me (because he was drunk at the time). I confronted my husband and he admitted that it was true and that he doesn't really remember anything about it (drunk) and they decided not to tell me so as not to "hurt me" and they say nothing has happened since. He feels I should get over itbecause it was three years ago and I am overreacting. You know the thing I have the biggest issue with is the fact that they ganged together to lie to me. I haven't confronted my friend about this yet. Should I? What would you do?

Soledad

Jeez what a mess.

I would confront all parties involved. I hate being lied to and worse still being told to "get over it." Your feelings are your feelings and these folks need to accept responsibility for what they did rather than brush it off. Just my 2 pennies.

Legolas

Oh gawd I am sorry

I don't know what to tell you I only know what I would do...probably spend the next 25 years in prison for a double murder!

DevonMcBride

He feels I should get over itbecause it was three years ago and I am overreacting.

It's three years ago to him, but it's brand new to you. If the tables were turned and it was you with his friend 3 years ago would he "get over it" and not overreact?

You know the thing I have the biggest issue with is the fact that they ganged together to lie to me.

I agree. That would bother me too.

(because he was drunk at the time).

I can't stand when people use drunkeness as an excuse to justify doing something wrong. Nobody twisted their arm to overindulge.

To answer your question, yes I would confront the friend and say something.

fullofdoubtnow

Oh kaylen how awful for you. I agree with soledad on this, I think if it were me I would just have to confront her for my own peace of mind. Being told to get over it is no help at all.

I hope things work out well for you.

love, Linda

misspeaches

(((Kaylen)))

You poor thing. I understand completely why you would be so upset.

Devon is correct although this is history for them for you it is new and extremely upsetting.

I think you have every right to speak to your friend about this and see what she says. At the very least you deserve an apology from all 3 of them for doing that in the first place and secondly for covering it up.

Be strong - keep it together - talk to her. It will make you sick if you don't let it out.

Kaylen

Thanks guys,

I don't know why I am procrastinating about confronting her about it. I know it sounds pathetic, I have had alot of trouble making "real" friends I have plenty of aquaintances, but she is my only real friends. We spend heaps if time together even own a boat together, I tend to push people away and I find it hard to let people into my "inner circle". I think I am really going for the ostrich defence here. I feel so bad. I should be yelling and screaming and carrying on but I just find that I just keep trying to establish what was going on then (my husband while he has admitted to it says he doesn't remember anything and says it doesnt achieve anything to go into details about it) and I feel that in some way it must be my fault.

Jez

The talk that goes on inside your head can be far worse than what actually happened, the longer you let yourself 'fantasize' about what happened, the worse it gets and it will eat you up.

I would HAVE to confront "my friend" and find out her version of events. You have asked your husband, asked him to take responsibility for it, now, why not everyone else involved.

"My friend" would no longer be my friend anymore. Alcohol is just an excuse. If they were that obliterated so as to not know what they were doing, then they would not have been able to even make out.

Sorry, Jez

carla

I'm so sorry about this mess. But I must ask, 'she's your only 'real' friend'? With friends like that......

Soledad

Notice how not one single man has responded to this thread.

I wonder why!

Can someone help me decide what to do?

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