Did you as a brother, do less to avoid responsibilities?

by truthseeker 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  truthseeker

  I have no choice but to remain active in the "troof" - for family and friends. One day I will leave, but that day has not yet come.

  I am not happy about leading a "double life" but I really have no say - for the peace of the family and my own sanity I must maintain the status quo.

  It's difficult coexisting - I go to some meetings, but I spend more time here learning about the Society.

  The elders are trying to get me to be a ministerial servant. I don't want to be.

  Being a ministerial servant means I have to tell more lies, give teaching parts from the platform and be regular and "seen" in the ministry.

  The dilemma I face is - to do more or not to do more - that is the question.

  For the last few years, I have deliberately done as little as possible - mainly to keep the elders of my back and also to keep the peace with the family.

  But they keep nagging me to reach out and do more.

  I am a dilemma to them.

  I give them the answers they want to hear, I tell them I need to "work on this or work on that" to keep them happy.

  Inside I feel like a hypocrite - I am a hypocrite - but I am in a catch 22 situation.

  I'm not ready to pick up and move on - too many people will be hurt, including myself.

  It's so hard to maintain a "neutral" position regarding the truth - too difficult to keep living a lie, yet I don't have the circumstances to leave right now.

  My question to you brothers, and I guess sisters could be included is: What did you do to avoid being appointed a servant, a pioneer etc?

  I keep my hours way below 10 - especially as the CO told me that he would not look at any brothers report card who had less than 10 hours.

  I attend meetings sporadically too.

  Life is so difficult right now.
• 

  metatron

  Tell them you're depressed. Depression is still the best excuse to avoid meetings and other

  activity. Other chronic illnesses are useful, too, if you can lay claim to them.

  metatron
• 

  RichieRich

  You have effectively summed up my current situation too.

  I totally empathize, as I'm sitting in the same boat right next to you.

  What I do is: lie. I tell them what they want to hear. I fake the smile, run the mic, say the prayer. At first, this really takes a toll on you mentally, and emotionally. SO I just stopped caring. I still fake and lie, but I don't give a damn. My conscience has written this off as a necessity, a moral ambiguity, that is inescapable.

  I just face forward, and look down the road at the day that I'll drop 13 registered letters off at the Post Office, then go to the meeting, and sing those Kindom Melodies the loudest I've ever sung them. I'll get there early, say my goodbyes, sit in the backrow, and use the bathroom at least four times. Then, I'll be sure to have an upturned middle finger as I stroll my good looking ass through that door one more time.
• 

  ithinkisee

  For the longest time I used my kids as an excuse. I needed to help my wife with the kids. The brothers that ran the sound or whatever would give me "that look" knowing that they are not going to even hint that I shouldn't help my wife with the kids, but that they really think I should be running a microphone or whatever.

  Then, when the time came around to get reappointed as MS in my new hall, my book study conductor said, "Well, we notice you are getting 10 hrs per month, but 4 of those are for your family study. We would like to see more FIELD MINISTRY."

  I smiled and said, "Well, that's all you're getting right now. I am stretched to the max as it is just trying to hold it all together."

  That was a pivotal point in my attitude change. I had been on one of my "upswings" and was studying regularly with the family - and it STILL wasn't enough. I began to accept that whatever I did was never enough and began to look around the kingdom hall at all the burnt out people. I realized I did not want to be like them.

  -ithinkisee
• 

  Soledad

  I feel for you TS. What a horrible way to live.

  With this dumb cult, it's all or nothing.
• 

  Midget-Sasquatch

  A few years back, they made me a MS despite my below average field service reports and virtually no commenting at the meetings. I was almost always there though and always did my assignments as best I could. So I'd say: besides the low service hours, make your attendance more sporadic and peg it on depression. If you're in the school, deliberately cancel on some assignments (preferably on short notice). Oh and grow a real cool goatee if it looks good on you. (I don't because I'd personally look dorky with one.) In your comments, try to bring up different viewpoints without being overtly opposed to their own. The elders will see you're not completely toting the party line and will realize they can't use you for other parts.

  The last point is tricky and you get few opportunities but take Jehu for example. He was supposedly so zealous for true worship and he's like Jesus and the anointed...yadda yadda...Well lets not overlook that once he was king, he kept the calf worship in Northern Isreal. What happened to no rivalry to Jehovah? Their own Insight book says that he may have had ulterior motives for all those enthusiastic eliminations. Leave the people to hopefully make connections themselves about how their own Anointed lapse in some things.
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  greendawn

  Perhaps you can turn them off just to the right degree by expressing or implying some mild disagreement with the FDS not big enough to cause you trouble but enough to slightly sour the ambience.
  
  It's great that you at least give them as little as you can.
• 

  ocelot

  Agree to do things then never do it. Its hilarious how they always give me things to do despite me never doing them.
• 

  dedpoet

  I was a ministerial servant for a couple of years (1995 - 1997), and I knew I was being considered for elder, but I didn't want it, I want to be an ms any more by then, and I wasn't sure i even wanted to be a jw either. So I resigned as a servant on grounds of principle - I did not agree with the way some things were done, but I went on holiday just after that, and they announced my decision while I was away, citing ill health, the lying b*sta**s!

  Soon after that, I was approached for re appointment as ms. There was no way I was going to allow them to do that, so I turned it down flat. That didn't endear me to the elders, and it was soon after that that I started consciously doing less of everything, service, meeting attendance, commenting etc. I was trying to ensure that they wouldn't bring up the issue of my reappointment again, and it worked, they never did.

  I didn't find it much of a privilege being an ms, just a lot of hard work for little reward. I often wished I had never accepted it, and it was a load lifted off my shoulders when I brought it to an end. Looking back, the 2 years I was an ms were probably the worst of the 8 mostly unpleasant years I spent as an active jw.
• 

  Sam the Man

  You find yourself in a bad situation - I hope it passes. Try to make up a medical excuse, but do it properly - go to the docs, fake the situation etc. Maybe a back problem where you cannot sit for more than 10 minutes or else you get shooting pains throughout your back.