Welcome Linda!
It's a hard move coming out of JW's, but it's well worth it. There is a whole wide world of opportunities out there, billions of good, honest people to interact with. You'll never regret the decision to leave.
Dave
Just to say hi
by fullofdoubtnow 24 Replies latest jw friends
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TheListener
Welcome Linda. I'm glad you took the step of loggin on and posting.
I really empathize with your situation. I remember feeling so similar. The more I read, listened and learned, the more my heart and head hurt. Not knowing whether I should stay or go was the toughest.
Good luck in your journey.
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Cellist
Welcome to the board, Linda. It's good to have you here.
Cellist
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Abaddon
Hi Linda...
Welcome.
I walked away in '93. At the time I felt I was completely un-suited for a life as a Witness. I'd been raised a JW, my grandmothers were JW's, my dad and two brothers elders. But I wasn't happy. It didn't feel right. I had doubts, but they were no where near as focused and certain as they are now.
This was pre-internet. I read entire shelves at the library on religion and psychology and anything that seemed appropriate. I went to college, then to University, and ended up studying science and literature.
In '97 I guess I finally typed "Jehovah's Witnesses" into a web browser. I've participated in various online communities since.
At various points I have found another reason why it ISN'T the truth.
Some scientific.
Some historical.
Some related to organisational integrity and ethics.
Some Biblical.
Some logical.
You can find most of them here in some form or another.
First, always remember that truth need not hide.
There is not one valid reason on Earth why something which proclaims it is the Truth (and ignores all the others that say or imply the same) should try to stop its members from reading opposing views. If it is the truth, all this will do is reinforce that it is the truth.
Put it this way (not my example but a good one). Say you want to buy a car, and you go to the showroom and this guy tells you this model is the only one for you. You ask the Sales person if you can speak to anyone who had one, but then sold it. And the saleperson says "Don't even talk to anyone like that. They are all liars. They are all wrong. This IS the only car."
You gonna buy from him?
At the end of the day, although I have opinions (and as you'll gather, lots of them) about the existence of god, the accuracy of the Bible, whether Jesus existed and whether he was some form of divine being, whether we were created or not... they are not important for what you are going through now.
All that matters now is that you have been lied to, and you need to make yourself certain that this is so, rather than accept it on hearsay, or conversely accept claims it is the truth and anyone who say different are lying.
Once you've established for yourself the truth is the wrong... then, slowly, figure out what it means to you.
Don't get sucked in by the next brand of religion that seems to answer all your questions and makes you feel good.
Don't dispair that you are in a meaningless, godless Universe.
There are people who believe every single point of the spectrum between glassey-eyed cultists and self-proclaimed Messiahs and stone-cold atheists represented here. And you know what?
Most of them are happy as the next person in the street.
Despite having been in a cult. Despite having YEARS of our lives sucked away, with education or careers sacrificed. Despite the after-effects of leaving on freinds and family.
At the end of the day no one can really prove they have "the truth". Unless god is a complete bastard (which seems unlikely), if it's not possible to figure out WHAT the right way is, then he's not going to be pissed-off with us if we use common sense and just try to be good to each other.
Even if there ISN'T a god, it's a pretty good way to live your life, as who wants to be shitty to each other? What comes around goes around even in a godless Universe!
Beware those who parade their opinions on the little details god wants... there are thousand of beliefs, most of which blithely ignore the fact all the others are also saying they are right, with not one shred of proof acceptable in a court of law over WHICH claim is true.
Concentrate on being happy, and living well.
These two things are a great victory, as they show all the dire prophecies JW's make about the lives of "fallen away/inactive/dassed/dffed" exJW's, are just lies.
Yeah, we have unhappy nutters in the exJW 'community' too, but then so does every bus I've ever been on... and they always sit next to me.
;-)
All the best
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AuldSoul
Welcome! Abaddon makes a lot of good points. Ultimately, where your life goes from here is finally in your hands. But that is a scary proposition to think about because for 23 years you have had a structure and order that took care of most decision making for you.
Many of us have been there. Many of us are there right now. And many of us are on their way there. Ask for any support you feel you need.
AuldSoul
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MerryMagdalene
Just wanted to say hi right back to you, Linda. Glad you are here! I look forward to seeing your comments whenever you are able to come online (thanks dedpoet!)Lots of support and good information here and at freeminds. Welcome
~Merry
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fullofdoubtnow
Hello again,
After doing a few hours work and a lot of thinking, I have just popped back to Trevs for a short while (alone with a man, I can just imagine what the elders would say lol). Anyway, I have been reading through your lovely replies and once again want to thank you all.
AuldSoul, you said
Ultimately, where your life goes from here is finally in your hands. But that is a scary proposition to think about because for 23 years you have had a structure and order that took care of most decision making for you.
You are so right there. For all those years I have felt "safe" in the truth, with a guaranteed future as long as I remained obedient. Now my head is so full of doubts about what I have been doing all these years and I am scared. I am no longer certain about the future any more, I no longer know what I'll be doing in 5 years, 1 year or even tomorrow. I have lived such an insular life all this time, never married or even had a meaningful relationship, no friends outside the congregation (except Trev), and the idea of starting again scares me, although it kind of excites me a little as well.
Abaddon, you make so many good points, especially this one
All that matters now is that you have been lied to, and you need to make yourself certain that this is so, rather than accept it on hearsay
A few years ago, I would never have considered that the things I have been taught as a witness were lies, but I am beginning to think that way. It all seemed so wonderful for so long, so believable, such a refreshing change from my early years in mainstream religion. I completely immersed myself in it, believed it completely. Now I am not sure what to believe any longer.
Tall Penguin wrote
. What you're feeling is understandable. The uncertainty of life after jw's is sometimes overwhelming
Well, I haven't yet fully experienced life after the witnesses, but Trev has and I know how hard he found it at times. To go from having a certain future to an uncertain one, I really can't imagine how I would deal with that, it seems such a daunting prospect right now, yet many on here have dealt with it successfully, I hope if and when the time comes I can draw strength from that.
The Listener wrote
Not knowing whether I should stay or go was the toughest
I know I am facing a tough decision, naybe the biggest one I will ever have to make. Trev has warned me of what is ahead if I stay away from meetings for much longer. I have already had several phone calls and visits already encouraging me to return to the kh, and its only a few weeks since I last attended! I must admit I am tempted to return, but on the other hand I haven't really missed going. I have had some strong counsel due to me refusing to shun Trev of late, and I certainly haven't missed that, nor would I particularly want to endure it again, so I will stay away for now, and I will take Lady Lee's advice
Meanwhile keep reading
I will read posts on here and stuff from freeminds, some of which Trev has kindly printed for me. I really don't know what I'd do without his friendship and support. I have had a few doubts about what I was doing for a while, and have sometimes missed meetings, something I would never have done a few years ago, but I am so full of doubts now I sometimes feel I could explode. The truth, if thats what it really is, can never be the same again for me now. I honestly don't know where to go from here, but I am so glad to be on this forum. Thank you for having me
all my love, Linda
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twinkletoes
Welcome Linda,
What you are going through now is difficult but will get easier with time, and with the help of so many on this board. The shunning was always a problem for me, I just couldn't do it, it didn't seem christian at all. Now when we go shopping through our town (Hereford) we are sometimes shunned, but I just think, pity them really cos they are still held in the mind-control cult. We had written to the London Bethell and our own congregation asking questions about the UN involvement etc. but they ignored us.
We were both in the Org. for 32 years and sometimes feel bitter over all of the wasted years, times when we could have spent more time with our families. My husband's parents (non-witnesses) are dead now, so he can't try to make amends, but my parents are still alive (both in their late 80's & non-witnesses) so at least I have the chance to make up for some of the times I missed with them.
Look forward to hearing from you again.
love from Pauline
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Goldminer
Hi and Welcome!
If you have many doubts all I can suggest(if you like reading) is read Crisis of Conscience and In Search of Christian Freedom.I guarantee you will not have any doubts after reading those two books.Your eyes and mind will be opened to many things you didn't know about the WTS or you will read things and say to yourself "Yeah,I thought that too!".The best thing you can do is to educate yourself about your religion and feel good about leaving a man-made organization.
Goldminer