How many of you shunned others when you were a JW?

Lady Lee

I know I did.

We had a young fellow who used to live at my grandmother's place. In may ways he was like family. After he moved out of my grandmother's place I saw him frequently. He remained in our cong so he was usually around. He was an OK fellow (or at least I thought he was) but some time shortly after he moved out of my grandmother's he asked me to marry him. Well I wasn't the least bit interested but not wanting to hurt his feelings I told him he was too much like family for me to consider marrying him.

After a few years he was DFed and yes we shunned him. Shunning him was awkward but for me it was also a relief because of the earlier proposal..

But I also had an uncle who was DFed. (Mouthy knows all this history and I won't get into it too much because of that. My family did shun him. He was reinstated for a while and then DFed again. I think it was after the second DFing that the WTS changed their policy for a short while so that JWs could talk to DFed ones so when he married I know my mother and possible her other JW brothers went to the wedding.

Well then the WTS got stricter again and said no contact. Well for me it really didn't affect too much. I never really got along with him (but I really liked his first wife and I miss her). BTW These uncles were my age or just a couple of years older than me (grandmother and mother having babies at the same time )

What I really felt bad about was the shunning and then the talking and then ripping it all away again. It was crazy-making. It just didn't seem right to take it away a second time. I doubt anyone ever told him what was going on. But it had to be hurtful.

Also at one point my mother did something really wrong and told me about it. So my elder/husband and I talked to her and told her if she didn't go to the elders we would have to. I really thought I was doing the right thing. Now I knew she had done something that was bad. But I also remember feeling that I could be in trouble if she didn't step forward (which she did). It was so hard. Because at the time we did have a relationship. And I was so co-dependant on my mother's approval. I recall telling my husband that I hoped they wouldn't DF her because I didn't want to lose her. (Because no one knew about it the elders privatedly reproved her)

I've done it to others while I was a dub. I knew how it felt on that side.

Now I know how it feels on this side - being shunned.

Neither side is any fun.

As hurtful as it is that my mother shuns me I can understand what is going on for her.

I don't approve but I understand

.

Legolas

I only recall seeing one person that was disfellowshipped when I was 'in'.

She was at work (cashier) and there were customers around so I couldn't have talked to her even if I wanted to, but I smiled and nodded at her.

AlmostAtheist

I did, but I always tried to be "encouraging" to them.

"Hi, I don't think I know you, my name's Dave."

"Oh, hi Dave. Actually, I'm disfellowshipped."

"Oh, I see. Well, I'm glad you're here. Keep up the good work." Smile, and walk away.

Not truly shunning, but how very disheartening. What a sick, sad, stupid, mean-spirited, backwards, mentally-diseased policy.

I tried to make a point of touching any DF'd people I happened to speak to as described above. I remember when I was DF'd while still a believer it meant the WORLD to me when someone touched me. Even just a brush against me on their way by. But some went so far as to put their hand on my shoulder or pat my back. The touch meant everything, so I tried to pay it forward once I was reinstated.

Anger growing... must.. not.. explode..

Dave

thom

When my mother was df'd (when I was 18) I shunned her because of what I felt she did to the family, but she always thought it that it was because she was df'd. She was sleeping around, doing drugs, lying. It was for those reasons I shunned her.
A friend and business associate was df'd about 2 years ago and I never shunned him. Now that he's reinstated and I'm fading, he hasn't changed how he associates with me, although his wife puts alot of pressure on him to "turn me in" to the elders as he knows my current lifestyle (dating a non-jw, sharing a hotel room with her). I hope he continues even if I do get df'd.
I've run into several df'd people over the years, but I always interacted with them the same as I would if they were not df'd (Hi, how are you? Stuff like that).
So no, I guess I really never have shunned anyone for being df'd.
I have shunned jw's since I left. I tend to just ignore them when I see them in a store. They seem just as happy to ignore me.

AK - Jeff

Seems like I never saw most that were df'd much.

I did know one fellow that was an influence early on with my family getting the 'truth'. He was later df'd. But I never failed to speak with him when I saw him. Later he came to the KH with the idea of getting reinstated before he died... but the heartless bastards never reinstated him. I felt bad that at the hall I did not speak.. but then you know the atmosphere there.

I never felt good about the shunning practice... some of the finest conversations I ever had were with some df'd people after I left.

Of course now, like you LL, am on the other side of the coin. Most shun me. A few are kind.

The practice is demonic in my opinion.

Jeff

95stormfront

Guess I wasn't a good little dub because I never knowingly shunned anyone.

Soledad

I shunned an elder's daughter even though she wasn't DF. I thought she should be DF'd.

She drank, smoked, had sex with multiple partners. I felt that she made JW kids look really bad and I hated her for it. Looking back now I think deep down inside I really was jealous.

When she was 16 she got married and 6 months later had a baby.