Elders want to visit!

by Cirkeline 22 Replies latest members private

• 

  Cirkeline

  So, I had to go to memorial this year just to show up and keep family-bonds safe. I am in only because of my girls who are still very dedicated JW. My purpose is to get them out. I show up very seldom, and do not do field-service.

  On my way out from kh, one elder turned up on me and said he would call me to make an appointment for a visit with him and another elder, just to cheer me up!! I did'nt expect that, got a little perplex and answered something like, "yes of cours, call me", just to be polite.

  And he did just that tonight. I was visiting an friend so did'nt pick up the phone and he left a message, asking if it would be ok for them to visit me tomorrow, and asked me to call back.

  I really do not want/need their "up-cheering" visit. They will probably try to get me back into field-service, maybe get me a "mentor" to get me back on track, or what ever they have in mind.

  How can I handle this situation? What to say? How can I reject their kind offer in a way that will not put my undercover member-ship in jeopardy? Any one with experience on this matter?
• 

  00DAD

  Ignore them, they'll eventually get frustrated and sidetracked with other issues.

  If they stop by unannounced, you can always say your too busy (always a true statement) to meet with them at that moment. Then politely decline any and all attempts to be pinned down to a meeting.

  A polite, but firm, "Thank you, no." is good.

  As your thread title shows, a "visit" is what the elders want; it is clearly NOT what you want. They are used to getting their ways (as all bullies are) and most JWs are used to giving it to them. It's time for a new world view. It's time for what YOU want. Life is full of disappointment, let them deal with it.

  You owe them nothing.
• 

  cantleave

  Tell them that you are fine and don't need cheering up!
• 

  00DAD

  Or ... tell them you'd love to have them come over and cheer them up. Ask them what's got them so down? How can you help?
• 

  LostGeneration

  Tomorrow?!?!??!

  Well that is pretty fast. You can simply ignore that one as a "didn't get your message" situation. As mentioned, if they stop by unannounced, simply say you weren't expecting them and please call before coming.

  In the future, do like Nancy Reagan says:

  
• 

  NewChapter

  I got a call like that a couple of weeks ago. They left a message saying they'd like to stop by, but didn't say why. I didn't respond, and they seem to have let it drop. If they can't make the appt., they can't come over. Since they want to see you in your home, it's not judicial. You can't be sure it won't become judicial if they come over, especially if they as you the loyalty questions.

  So that's how I handled it. Memorial makes them want to shepherd, but I don't think they want to put a great deal of energy into it.

  NC
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  Cirkeline, in a previous post you said you had sent your daughter emails with information on where to search out the JW religion. That was dangerous! Emails are forever. Such a thing should only be done verbally and never with two persons together. Are you confident that one of your daughters has not instigated this call by the elders? While your daughter(s) could be hoping the elders will assist you and encourage you, we all have heard the experiences about what can happen when TWO ELDERS call.

  IF they happened to get a copy of your email that suggested looking at any negative info on the WT (ESP anything apostate), you could be in for an inquisition from the elders. By attending the Memorial, you set yourself up as someone who is still associated with JWs, so they can feel confident in taking any judicial action, IF that's what they are after.

  Yes, this is assuming a lot. 1) One of your daughters leaked some damaging info. 2) That these elders have an "evil" motive vs. just coming to "cheer you". Surely you have read similar events on this board where others were caught off guard and it lead to their DFing.

  Please be cautious!

  Doc
• 

  wha happened?

  YEA they are in spiritual mode with the Memorial. Ignore them and they will eventually go back to the aloof ways
• 

  cyberjesus

  there is a word very effective its called "NO" you could add two more "thank you" if you feel like it.

  Try it, it works
• 

  Morbidzbaby

  I simply refused to meet with them. They began coming around to try to catch me at home, and I either refused to answer the door, or I appeared very busy and refused to be pinned down on a day and time. I just said my schedule was unpredictable and I didn't know when I'd be home from one day to the next. They asked about weekends, I said I worked and basically just didn't have the time.

  Eventually, after coming around quite a few times and mostly being ignored, they quit coming around. You owe these people nothing. All they're trying to do is get you to recommit to a CULT. If you don't give them the opportunity, there's nothing they can do about it.