So Friday before I left work I called my dad (who is not a JW) and told him that I was working on my exit strategy for getting out of the Watchtower.
For those not familiar, my mom is a Witness and became on when she was desparate to cling to something in the mid 70's (after 1975). From about 3rd grad onward she (I should say the Society) had completely undermined any of my dad's influence on me and I had pretty much written him off as far as influencing my life decisions. Obviously this became more and more of an issue through high school and stuff - but that is a story for another day.
I went to Bethel about a month after I turned 19 for a few years, and then left, got married to a Pioneer sister and moved away from my hometown. Shortly after that my parents divorced and it was a messy one where all their assets they had built together over the years pretty much went to lawyers. My dad had an "apostate" lawyer and my mom had a "Society" lawyer because there were custody issues a younger sibling who was still well under 18 years of age.
I see my dad every year or two, and have (because of my WT ignorance) basically just been formally polite with him - and he has done the same. My kids have only seen him once, and religion, holidays, politics, etc, has always been strictly off-limits.
So anyways, I told him of my plans for the near future. When I actually started to say the words out loud for the first time ("I'm leaving the WT") my voice began to quiver. When I told him he said, "Son, are you messing with me?" I said no, that I could honestly say I have never been so sure about anything in my life. I was 1000% sure of my decision and that it hasn't been a hasty one, but something I have been studying for awhile. I told him it wasn't a matter of "if" that was my decision, but it was matter of me getting out and still being able to see my kids, and to possibly get my wife out too. This will take some time.
My dad started sobbing. For anyone that knows my dad this is a highly rare occurrence. I only remember seeing him cry one other time - and this was after an argument with my mom about the JWs when I was about 6 or 7. He grabbed a King James bible and pointed to a scripture that says, "The man is the head of the household." He then turned to me, with teary eyes and said, "Son, what does this say here? It says the man is the head of the household doesn't it? Am I reading it wrong?" I remember I just sat there silent as he cried. My father never cries. He is is/was a "jock"-type, a man's man. Even in bereavement times he was always stoic.
Anyways, back to yesterday. After I told him all this, he said, "I have waited 20+ years for one of my kids to say that to me. You don't know what this means to me son."
At this point I went into a full sob as well. I apologized for being such an arrogant asshole my whole life and for basically writing him off all these years.
My dad said, "So that means I must have done something right? Right? I must have."
That was weird to hear from my dad. As if he was seeking approval from me. What it must feel like for him to be validated after all these years.
He just kept saying, I can't believe it. I assured him I wasn't planning on changing my position on the JWs - ever. That even though I am physically going through the motions of meetings, field service, etc. that in my mind I am completely free. Nothing scares me about any of their teachings and the elders hold no sway or influence over my decisions anymore. The only big variable is getting my wife and kids out, and even then, I have some alternate plans (thanks to this site, mainly). I am already past the phase of amazement and sorrow that this is not the truth.
Basically it ended with my dad telling me how much he loved me and I how much I loved him and how anything he has is available to me. He said he will come tomorrow if I needed him and would do whatever. (We live a couple thousand miles apart)
I was glad to be able to tell him. In some ways it is forcing me to get my ass in gear on some other things that need to be done. It also made me feel like a horrible little person knowing that my dad had to endure so much emotional abuse at the hands of his own children.
I told my dad I was getting some help from friends online that have gone through and are going through the same thing I am - trying to navigate a way out.
There's alot that has to happen over the next few months, but I just wanted to share this with the board because it was sorta a milestone for me.
-ithinkisee