...about my father.
I'm writing this as the thoughts are coming together in my head, so if it sounds stupid right off the bat, please accept my apologies. I'm kinda thinkin' out loud here.
Some of you have probably read my thread "Looking For My Japanese Mother". Since that posting, I have been in touch with several of my dad's old army buddies that are helping me by giving me weblinks and contacts to find my mother. Through some of these emails, I've had a few questions of why am I not going through my father to get help. I have to explain the religious differences and why my relationship with my father is not typical. Without giving too many details, I have been able to share my JW history and the chasm in our family now that I'm no longer a member. With one of the men, I've had a really interesting theological string of emails. He has expressed to me that he and some of the other guys are a little "miffed" at my dad. They went to a lot of trouble earlier this year to get in touch with him. In their correspondence my father expressed an interest in having some of the historical items from his old radio/dj days. (Which they were in possession of.) They went to even more time and expense to get my father what he wanted. Upon the package arriving at dad's, he emailed them saying he was in receipt of it and would take a look "when he had more time". These two guys have not heard from him since. He never said thank you. He never attempted to reimburse them for their troubles or the cost of supplies it took to give dad what he wanted. I was so embarrassed.
I apologized to this gentleman and explained to him that my dad's behavior is terrible and thankless and didn't suprise me. Although I can't make their hurt feelings go away, I can attempt to reimburse them for their troubles and supplies. If they would just tell me the amount, I will try to pay them. I haven't had a response yet, but it JUST dawned on me: My father is a selfish and thankless man and it has nothing to do with me. My father's behavior has nothing to do with me. He acts like that towards everyone...even worldly people that really don't know him anymore.
I know that this sounds so strange for me to have JUST realize this, but it's just hit me. My dad's a jerk. He's not just a jerk towards me. It's not how he was raised. It's what he's chosen to become. AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. Oh my goodness...this feels so good. It's not my fault.
Andi - still letting it sink it.