How Do You Do You Deal With..

by Sassy 26 Replies latest members private

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  Sassy

  if you are fading, all the people emploring you to return 'to the fold'. I keep hearing from family and friends how truly "sad" they are and how it is 'breaking their hearts' that I have chosen to stop attending meetings. I get the 'time is so close' and from my mother all my children are going to die with this world that is going down just like the titanic'. Not to mention friends who tell me that this is tearing my mother up with sadness as if to add the guilt and weight of the world on my shoulders. Even my ex sister in law who has attended meetings only one or two a year at best for twenty years emailed me telling me she had spoken with my mother and how important it was for me to get 'back' since there was so little time..

  How do you deal with all the pressure when you know in your heart you can never go back?

  ~~Sassy~~
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  Phantom Stranger

  I moved. Took care of that.
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  Nosferatu

  I keep hearing from family and friends how truly "sad" they are and how it is 'breaking their hearts' that I have chosen to stop attending meetings.

  When I was going through it, I just kept reminding myself that these people aren't really interested in me personally, and are only interested in me if I was at the meetings. As for responses, I just nodded my head and remained silent about the whole issue. Keep all opinions and comments to yourself and you'll do okay. Use this place to vent.
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  starfish422

  I didn't do the slow fade; but I did have various ones write to me or call me (before the days of email) and others that I ran into in at the mall, etc. I remember one in particular, an older sister from our hall whom I ran into in Sears. She was friendly to me (this was between the time that I left and the time I DA'd myself) but she did ask me if I was happy. I told her I really, really was. Her eyes filled with tears and she bade me farewell, and that was it. I just told them the truth. Honestly, I knew I was headed for either DF or DA, and although I enjoyed the runaround I gave the elders on my JC I didn't see the point in doing that to others. I was straightforward and that was it.

  You can look at it this way: at least you've found out who cares enough about you to call or email you. You aren't one who has started to fade away and never heard a word from anyone. (((HUGS)))
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  onacruse

  Sassy, I found that dealing with the pressure was all about me having a firm resolve in my own heart and mind. As long as my family thought there was a chance, however remote, that they could talk me back into the org, then that's what they tried to do.

  I'd reached that point of resolve in 2000 (in the course of being DFd), but for reasons that were more emotional than rational. It wasn't until I joined the discussions here that the issues began to crystallize into a logical and vocalizable form. As a result, I'm no longer just 'floundering' with "I feel this is right, but I'm not really sure why."

  To put it another way: I've drawn the firm line on the road, and I feel darn good about it.

  Craig
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  meliphar

  Hi. Newbie, here.

  If you continue to receive grief about how you will not make it into God's kingdom because you're not "in the truth", just remember that the thief who died next to Christ did not attend meetings, do field ministry or any of the othet things that would "earn" your entry. All he did was accept Christ as Lord and Savior.

  In other words, you get in by faith...not by works.

  My $.02.
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  blondie

  sns, you have to set boundaries. They've had their say, now they should drop it unless you bring it up. I am a fader and I limit my association with any family or friends that make every encounter a sermon. There are many things that can be talked about that are pleasant and of mutual interest. They know that these tactics are not used on people from door to door, why family or friends. It is not any more effective.

  The ones that don't comply with respecting my boundaries, I don't see. The JWs we meet have learned not to bring it up if they want to see us.

  It is abuse if they do it almost every time they see you. It is not love. Jesus didn't say his followers would be known by the guilt trips they sent people on.

  Blondie (respect my boundaries)
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  Garnet

  Welcome Meliphar!

  I agree, dont let the guilt trips get you down. I do not do well with confrontation at all, so when I was confronted, I would go the round about way saying things like "we don't go as often as we used to", people would never pick up on it. But now, I just feel the need to tell them that we don't go anymore, I just recently told a dear friend of mine and was very happy that she still talks to me. Others dropped me like I was a leper.

  Isn't sad that "God's chosen people" only judge you by works? Meliphar, you hit the nail right on the head!

  Garnet
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  Gadget

  My parents and other used to go on about this with me a lot, until when they asked why I wasn't going and I told them exactly why.... They never brought it up again after that. I wouldn't recomend you done the same though, this caused a lot of problems for me.
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  caligirl

  I've been gone too long to have anyone do that to me anymore, but I used to just smile and either change the subject or give a vague maybe someday type of answer, or thanks for your concern and move on. Eventually they will stop, or you might get to a point that you are comfortable telling them never. I finally came right out and told my mother last month that I think it is all a load of crap(she stopped asking me about going back years ago), but I also know that she won't "turn me in" for that statement because it would mean pressure from others to cut her children out of her life. She justifies her relationship with me because we don't discuss the religion that much. I don't recommend that route unless you are sure that your mother's love for you is greater than her devotion to the borg.