Just stay firm. That's all you can do.
How Do You Do You Deal With..
by Sassy 26 Replies latest members private
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Sassy
As I read all your comments I couldn't help but think when we were being JWs all the talks we had how to 'stay in', Stay Firm, Keep the resolve up, Take advantage of the opportunity to teach, etc.... only now all those things are said by you all to help stay out, to help others have seed planted so they can be free as well. Amazing and so true.
For the record, those trying to talk me into returning is not anyone in my congregation, To be honest, I don't think they even notice I am gone. I never did feel like a part of the congregation. I don't think they really care I am gone, not even in the pretend sense sort of way. No, its my mom and especially one close friend who has been a big part of my life for the past ten years and they don't even live in the area or state I do. The comment that how far would my mom stay with me if it came a matter of loyalty, well my mom already told me she will die for this religion and be willing to lose everything, so definately her loyalty is to this org and not to me.
I remember when I left my ex husband. When he was an a$$hole, it was easy to stay resolved that I made the right decision to leave and the days when he was kind and almost loving, I must admit I found myself wondering if I made the right choice and if I should 'go back'. I learned then that some reactions from others can be dangerous if we are not tough.
I'm trying to be tough.. So far when my mom sends a note like, hope you are reading and going along with the bookstudy book in the Worship book even if you aren't attending meetings.. or hope you are enjoying the 'Draw Close to Jehovah' Book... or, the world is like the Titanic and going down, I don't want you to die, well I have been only replying to her emails regarding the other things she says, such as how the weather is. I am not saying specifically anything in reply to her comments about being a JW or returning. I won't lie to her and yet I don't think she can handle the truth.
Sometimes I have to wonder though if it isn't easier to just DA though.
My ex sister in law who I commented on in this thread who has really been fading for 20 yrs and now after talking to my mom feels bad and suggested I return to meetings, etc.. part of me wanted to lash out to her and say if the 'truth' was so important to you, then why haven't you really been a witness for 20 yrs.. but then I remind myself how stupid that is to be.. and really I am jealous that she has been away from it so much.. and I do love her.. so I wrote back instead to say that I won't be going back and then told her how we have been brainwashed and followed this religion simply because we assumed it was the truth because our parents told us it was. Who thought to question. I told her that the more I look into it, the more I know it isn't right. I touched on the UN involvement, the hypocracy and the child abuse coverups and how upsettting it all was to me and she wrote back now wondering how I am learning these things and admitting that indeed we did never think to question. So now she wants to know more. She's been out the past 20 yrs but really ended up an alcholic and almost killed herself because she was so afraid that although she wasn't an active JW, she thought Armegeddon was still coming and was drinking herself into obliviion after 9/11 to deal with the fear of dying for lack of living the proper JW life.. I know that to learn about this cult and what it really is all about will actually be a relief to her. So I as I am learning more, I am going to try to help her.
My other friend.. well.. she freaks out when I even touch on questioning the 'faith'.. to her it is better if she thinks I just am afraid to be dfd because of having a 'worldly bf' and due to having sex with him and unwilling to give it up, that is why I left. She can't seem to accept the fact that I quit the religion and that my actions in my life as far as my bf have nothing to do with my leaving. I didn't even meet him until AFTER I made the choice not to go back.. so when I say I have doubts about the religion she gets upset and pushes me away.. afraid I think that what I have is contageious..
sorry for rambling.. I just have so much emotion rideing with all of this.. I wish it was easier to leave it all behind..
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starfish422
Isn't sad that "God's chosen people" only judge you by works?
Yes, but how true that it works both ways!! Your true friends are the ones who won't desert you just because you're going through some transition in your life. Actions speak louder than words.
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Viper76Man
No, its my mom and especially one close friend who has been a big part of my life for the past ten years and they don't even live in the area or state I do. The comment that how far would my mom stay with me if it came a matter of loyalty, well my mom already told me she will die for this religion and be willing to lose everything, so definately her loyalty is to this org and not to me.
After I left I have still maintained contact with family and friends in the truth (as I mentioned in another thread). I did do one thing when I left. I immediately confronted my mother and asked her what she would do if the Elders ever insisted she not talk to me. I felt I needed to know right away. She knows I am not a threat as I will never really bring up the religion issue. My thought was at least if she knew it "might" be a possibility from the get go, it would echo in her head. I wanted her to think long and hard and not be caught by suprise if they forced her to make a choice on the spot. It really paid off for me. She came to the conclusion (and she has been in the org for over 25 years) that if the elders ever did decide to do that (which she says they would "never" do) that they would be "wrong". She also said that "they are human and imperfect" and it would just be a mistake on their part.
Now I really don't have to worry about them trying to take my mother away from me someday.
Everyones advice seems spot on in this thread. If you can handle the pressure to some degree then try to apply "gentle" reverse pressure as it may be the only chance you get to express your own thoughts on family and loved ones.
Viper
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jgnat
Wow, the pressure must be tough.
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Sassy
SNS, thanks for starting this thread. As you know, Euph and I are having similar problems. I hope it's reassuring to know you're not alone. I'm benefitting too from the answers on this thread. :)
Your welcome Piph. It does help to know we aren't alone. That was why I posted the topic here because it gives us strength to know others have been here and have surivived it. And we will too!!
As far as the comments about being honest and maybe helping others. I have been trying to do that, albiet tactfully. A few I have scared off as if I must have the plague that is contageious and dangerous.. Even my ex sister in law today, after I explained to her why I had no plans to return and pointed out some of the hypocrasy with the WTS, at first her response was to say, Oh, I didn't know that, and where do you learn these things"...... she hasn't been attending hardly any meetings in 20 yrs, but today she sends me an email saying how sad it is that I don't believe in the JWs any more and how she still does.. I couldn't help myself but write her back and say if you really thik this is the truth, the only way to gain God's approval by this one religion, then your not attending meetings, not going in service, not doing anything about being a JW past being able to say I was raised one, wouldn't gain you (by JW standards) a way through Armegeddon than me, who was not chosing not to return. I will probably upset her, but it kind of upset me to have someone who hasn't been active for that many years telling me what a mistake and how sad it was for me to not believe in this religion any longer.
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Viper76Man
she hasn't been attending hardly any meetings in 20 yrs, but today she sends me an email saying how sad it is that I don't believe in the JWs any more and how she still does..
My brother in law's mom is just like that. She goes to the passover meeting every year and that is it. Further more she celebrates birthdays and holidays. Yet she still claims to be a JW and forced her kids to always attend meetings (others would drive them). Funny to me to hear someone talk about how people need to go to meetings and then never go!
Viper