As per my last post, I've had doubts since as far back as I can remember. I've never fully understood the whole 'greater fulfillment' notion and other such WT jargon, but like many, I've gulped it down and moved on, fixing blinkers to myself with reassurances that we can't all be misled, surely, and 'where else would I find such loving people?' But after immersing myself into deep research into the history of the WTBTS, checking - with references - the claims made by 'evil', 'disgruntled', 'demonic' people I'm left feeling shaken. There have been times when I've physically trembled while I sat and read and my gut has knotted up. Interestingly, some of the things I've read have brought back repressed-like memories of doubt and confusion that I'd felt in the passed when reading something in a WT or publication. I've had several "I knew that was bogus!" moments over the passed few days. I'm still undecided about where my future lies. Like so many of you I've got close family still very much blinded. Some of them have said to me in the passed that, yes, they have doubts, but they just put them to the side. They make claims like, 'when the GB get things wrong, that's just Jehovah testing us'. Of course, they can't supply a scripture to corroborate. Bizarrely, though, it's not the loss of close friends that troubles me as my closest friends are already half-out. One is already all the way out. So I have half a support network in place already. But I'm scared for my marriage and for my children. Thanks, btw, to those who have PMd me with tips re. fading out.
Physically shaken and feeling sick
by passwordprotected 36 Replies latest members private
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Mickey mouse
Sounds very like my experience and many others here. Have you read Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan yet? You really need to. It will explain about implanted phobias you didn't know you had and why you're feeling the things you're feeling. It's also liberating to know these emotions are shared by people exiting many different types of cults, not just JW's.
Mickey.
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Sirona
I remember those feelings.
8 years ago, when I first discovered that the Governing Body had actually lied in their literature, I was sickened. I didn't know where to turn. It feels like a major betrayal - like a parent turning their back on you.
As JWs we were taught to trust them implicitly and view them as Jehovah's Mouthpiece.
I'm not DF or DA. It is possible to fade.
Sirona
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passwordprotected
The problem with getting such a book is having it in the home will raise eyebrows. Any source online with it as a PDF?
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lisavegas420
It gets easier. I remember breaking out is a sweat and feeling dizzy. Many many times I would have to walk away and cry. damn..it hurts. but it's better.
lisa
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jgnat
Lady Lee put together a great series of reviews of a good recovery book. The links can be found here:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/105788/1.ashx
It seems to me you are grieving the loss of certainty. That is natural and it will pass. Do give yourself time to rebuild what you believe (what you really can count on).
Of course, the other big deal is your family. I suggest you keep your doubts to yourself until you have a plan. Here's one man's plan, that worked with great success. We have other success stories here on the board.
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passwordprotected
jgnat - thanks for the links, very helpful.
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sacolton
PWP: Stay strong! I know how you feel. When my eyes were opened, it was like a wall crumbling down around me. I saw clearly for the first time in nine years what the WTBTS really is ... a publishing company that is disgused as a religion. A false prophet. Once you see that this is not God's organization - you can start the process of mental healing. I think with you fading will help ease your family out of this brain-washing cult.
One day at a time.
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blondie
They make claims like, 'when the GB get things wrong, that's just Jehovah testing us'
(James 1:13) . . .When under trial, let no one say: "I am being tried by God." For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone. (NWT)
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snowbird
At one time I felt the same way, but it'll pass. I actually had to go on bp meds because of the stress.
Blondie, that is an awesome reference. You rock, Sister Girl.
Sylvia