ErynW Health Update

erynw

My sincerest thanks to all of you. I have read and re-read all of your posts and I am deeply touched at the amount of love shown to me (and others) on this board.

I was recently diagnosed with lung cancer which is being classified as metastasized breast cancer as that is where my initial cancer occured. The technical term I was given is Non-small Cell Lung Cancer (NSCLC) with a sub-type of large-cell undifferentiated carcinoma. Here's a good brief info page. My prognosis is not good as I also have "spots" appearing on my liver and kidneys. I am waiting on news about the biopsys.

I have decided against surgery, chemo and radiation. I am tired of fighting this. This is my 5th, and most serious, diagnosis of cancer in 10 years. My cancer originally started in my breast, then re-appeared in the same breast, then moved to my colon, then to my bone (spine) and lymph system and now it's in my lungs and who knows where else. I've had 8 operations, chemo 6 times, radiation 5 times, and a stem cell transplant. I want to live my last days outside of a hospital environment and die peacefully and with dignity on my own terms and in my own home.

I have planned to go to the apostafest in Richmond, to Disneyworld in December, and to California in late December, if I am well enough. I want to meet all of the wonderful people I have been communicating with on this board and have a wonderful time in Richmond. I hope to be able to forget about what's running through my head 24 hours a day, and enjoy a nice quiet evening with friends. Well, after reading about the Toronto apostafest it may not be so quiet.

I am not afraid of death. I have reached a state of peace and quiet about my decision that I haven't felt in a long time. If it is the eternal big sleep, then that will be a welcome relief from the rat race I've been living. If it's something more, I'm ready to embark on that journey and hold on for dear life while screaming "WoooooooHooooooooo" at the top of my lungs.

I will miss my parents and I worry about the effect this will have on them. They are my adopted parents and rescued me from a life of hell when I was 14. They taught me what the meaning of a loving family really is. I will miss the few really true friends I have been able to gather around me in this lifetime. I will miss all of you. I have truly had a blast here and I love playing the role of board smartass.

Again, thank you all so much for your kind words. I'll still post my smartass comments and continue to create whacky WT and Awake covers as I'm able. I just realized that almost every paragraph I wrote starts with the word "I". LMAO

I'll leave you for now with my favorite poem from Emily Dickinson.

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

sweetface2233

Eryn, I am so sorry that you are dealing w/ this. I've had so much fun w/ you over the past few weeks. I look forward to seeing you post and wonder what is going to come rolling off of your fingers and onto your keyboard next. I am looking forward to meeting you on Saturday. If there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to ask. You have my email address if you need me.

Love,

Crissy

P.S. Look, I did the SAME thing. Basically every sentence starts w/ the pronoun "I".

purplesofa

all i have is tears right now

purps

AWAKE&WATCHING

Eryn - I am so glad you find comfort on this board. I do hope to meet you in Richmond on Saturday. Your offer to help me get there was very much appreciated considering that you don't even know me. You are a warm, lovely caring person that contributes a lot to our community here and I hope to get a chance to hug you in person.

I do not doubt that your life has not been lived in vain. You may be a smart ass ( I love smart asses) but your heart shines through in your posts and I feel it is an honor to know you even in a small way, I will never forget our connection. I am amazed at your courage in facing this situation, just remember you don't always need to be brave. Please let us know how you are doing and how you are feeling. We are here for you and want to support you in any way we can.

Gopher

Eryn,

I'm so sorry to hear about your prognosis. In your short tenure here you've made a real impact on this board, and even more so with this post that so clearly demonstrates your courage and confidence.

Some things in life are out of our control, and you've really come to grips with that. What's important is that life is well-lived, while we have it. It seems you're doing just that.

I eagerly await whatever further contributions you're able to make here, and wish you strength to carry on as well as you have been.

ex-nj-jw

Eryn,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. My friend was dx with breast cancer 2 years ago, she had chemo and rad with lumpectomy. She just found out that she has liver, kidney and brain mets she also has refused further treatment, she just wants to live the rest of her days without feeling sick or being in the hospital. I'm feeling rather sick with grief right now for her, but after reading you post it made me realize that it's not about me or how I feel, it's about her choice to live and or die as she wishes.

Thank you for posting this. Althought I'm still very sad and teary right now I have a different view of her decision.

Now about Saturday, I really hope you can make it. I can't wait to meet everyone and I hope we have as much fun as those smoochin, butt grabbing, cleavage searching, wacky weed smok'n, drunken heathens from the Canada (I still love you guys, just upset I couldn't be there with ya)

nj

eclipse

Eryn, I love you very much,

Your courage and strength shine through with every word.

I want you to enjoy every moment you have! If there is any way I can come down to richmond to meet you, I will.

You are inspiration to me.

You have made me laugh and made me cry, all with you, as a far away friend.

You are one of the bravest people I know.

Sunspot

(((((erynw)))))

Given your past battles with this insidious disease, I can well understand why you feel the way you do now. I can only wish you love, peace and happiness as your journey begins to wind down.

hugs,

Annie

Sad emo

(((erynw)))

What a difficult decision to have to take, but the fact that you have, after great consideration shows your great maturity. I pray that your journey may be as pain-free as possible and for your parents that they might understand and know the peace that you have, it will be hard on them as you say. I also pray that there will be lots of sunny times for you all amongst the gathering storms.

Love and peace to you all

iamfreenow

(((((erynw)))))

I am so sorry to hear this. I have no words, only tears.

love

Marion

ErynW Health Update

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