There are only two people in the world that I needed to admit my long-held secret of "being disassociated in my heart" from the organized religion known as Jehovah's Witnesses. I didn't want anyone else to bring it to them first by stumbling across my online work or finding out through other means.
I was 16 when I was baptized, and I fully felt it was the "truth" then. It was all I knew from the time I could walk and talk. I'm in a very different place here in my mid-30s. I've done a number of things that go against JWism, and not fully admitting my truth to these two people was the source of great burden to me and to my moving on.
My "truth" came out unplanned in an unusual time and space last week with my elder father while I was visiting half way across the states. Two days later I told my mom at breakfast. To have to look at your parents in their eyes and tell them something like this in person was painful. But for me, it was the one log holding the jam that had to be moved.
It is done. I am relieved and sick to the stomach at the same time. Both my parents know I am involved in things that are not JW friendly (such as holidays), but the conversation went much differently than I expected. I could tell my dad was torn, as this is new territory for him, his own daughter DA'ing herself while firmly expressing that she wouldn't be writing any letters to officiate it. His own family member dedicating her life to, as he put it, "a God that wasn't real to her when she was 16." He came up with that explanation himself, I think it softens the burden that he's feeling. Hopefully, it will make his dealings on judicial committees more empathetic, as he now knows what other fathers may be going through.
I was not rejected, but there is more conversation to come after my dad speaks with the CO later this month. At the very least, I'm connected for "family business" and won't be shunned by my parents.
Still, seeing the struggle my parents were having, citing "personal decision" and "we each will account to Jehovah" makes me know how unnatural it is for them to even entertain the notion of acting like their "harmless though conscientious" daughter should be shunned.
Perhaps this will open territory in their own hearts "where the need is great."
alias
No more fading. I've finally admitted my truth...
by alias 35 Replies latest members private
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alias
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Maddie
I think you were very brave to tell your parents as it is an awful feeling knowing the consequences. I may have to face the same situation one day, and I am dreading it!. As you say, it is totally unnatural to shun family and loved ones in this way. The borg have a great deal of pain, suffering and blood on their hands and one day may have to answer for it.
Maddie
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journey-on
Alias,
Sounds like you put a lot of thought into your actions. This religion sickens me because of what it does to family bonds.
I like your last sentence:
Perhaps this will open territory in their own hearts "where the need is great."
Stay strong.
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Homerovah the Almighty
Nice that you found the truth, hoping that your family might follow your direction of responsibility
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flipper
Alias, I'm glad you got to open up to your parents about this. My parents too have been JW's since 1951, dad an elder since 1955, so when I stopped going 4 years ago at age 44, they too were puzzled. But when I explained I was up to my last nerve worn from dealing with unjust treatment in the organization by elders and other doubts I had, they too were understanding and have always respected my "fading " status. They know the only reason I won't officially dissassociate myself is so I can still "legally " in the eyes of the witnesses have a relationship with them. I hope things work out in your relationship with your parents, good luck to you, peace out, Mr. Flipper
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AWAKE&WATCHING
We are pulling for you sweetie, I hope that you are able to keep your family.
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Sassy
That I am sure is one of the hardest things you have ever done.. and it will lighten your burdens a great deal..
I'm glad you have family business to give them 'permission' to still do things with you..
((((HUG GIRL)))))
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oompa
Alias do tell more but WOW:
Hopefully, it will make his dealings on judicial committees more empathetic, as he now knows what other fathers may be going through.
This blew me away! At a momentus time like this, you are thinking of other poor dubs on the hotseat.
awesome....oompa
ps edit...by the way I was also baptized at 16 and knew no other way
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changeling
May it all go well for you,
changeling
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moshe
What a fishbowl world JW's live in. I hope they learn to accept your decison to leave the KH. Good luck, Alias.