For previous sections of this series go to: Captive Hearts, Captive Minds/Take Back Your Life
A NOTE regarding the book. The book is being revised and updated and will get a new title; Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships (previously titled Captive Hearts, Captive Minds and this is the title I am working with) by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias"
CHAPTER 4: INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES AFFECTING RECOVERY: PART 1
As much as we can relate to the difficulties each of us had as a JW, we can never fully exactly what it was like for someone else. There is a common bond, just as there is a common bond between siblings raised in the same family. Each person has their own unique perspective on what happened to them.
Years ago I had a client who was describing an incident of abuse to me. I sat there taking in all the details. In the back of my mind I was sitting there saying "OMG, this is exactly what I experienced." Detail by detail she told me what she had gone through and I recognized it as my own story. But I bit my tongue and listened, beginning to anticipate what she would say next. And then she said a detail that did not fit my experience. Her ending was very different. This was a huge lesson for me. Regardless of how similar our experiences are, we each have a slightly different reaction to it and different ways of experiencing it, emotionally, physically, cognitively and in some cases sexually.
Just like our experiences while we were JWs are unique so is our recovery. Depending on our life experiences, our personal strengths and weaknesses, and the supports we have our experience of recovery from being in a cult will differ. There will be similarities but there will also be differences. The asset on JWD is that we can embrace those differences.
Some people walk away from the JWs and never look back. They move on with their lives and the WT experience is nothing more than a blip on the radar of their life. Others have a much harder learning to cope with post-cult life. The authors state:
People who leave cults may experience an array of troubling psychological difficulties ranging from inability to sleep, restlessness, and lack of direction to panic attacks, memory loss, and depression. To varying degrees they may feel guilty, ashamed, enraged, lost, confused, betrayed, paranoid, and in sort of a fog. (p. 48)
I’m sure many of you can relate to some or perhaps even all of the above. I know I do.
Assessing the Damage
To assess the post-cult damage we need to take a look at the strengths and weaknesses as well as the experiences while in and the situation after leaving. Everything becomes a link to who we are and who we become.
Before involvement
Age
The age at which a person enters a cult will have a distinct reaction based on that age. The authors make a division between children born in or raised in versus those who enter in high school or college. The authors state:
When someone raised in a cult leaves it,that person may truly feel like a stranger in a strange land, and may have difficulty adapting to the dominant non-cult society. Cult life may have delayed emotional and educational development; it may have hampered medical needs. In addition, the child may have suffered physical, emotional, and sexual abuse-a common and serious problem for children in cults. (p. 50)
Those who became involved in the cult during adolescence may also face various challenges.
In general, this age group has much to accomplish in life. There are developmental tasks to be completed, such as individuation and separation from the family. There are educational and career choices to be made. And there are issues about dating, sex, and marriage to exploere. Cult members do not get the opportunity to pass through these normal developmental stages and experiences, and sometimes complain of being 30- or 40-year-old teenagers. (p. 50)
Whatever issues caused a person to join a cult will still be there when they leave.
Prior history of emotional problems
Some groups have a tendency to recruit members from social groups known to have problems (drug addiction, recovery groups etc.) Meditation groups might seek out people with emotional issues. Regardless of the type of problem a person is having the cultic group might seem to provide a solution.
Over and above whatever problems a person has before they joined the cult, the reality is that those same people are more likely to continue to have emotional problems while they are in the group.
Personality factors
Based on whatever personality traits (intelligence, sensitivity, emotional resilience, and various other traits) and whatever aquired traits (strength and weakness from past life experiences) each person will react to the various stressors in a different way. Some come out strengthend and other come out needing counseling and support.
During involvement
Length of time spent in the group
Most people would acknowledge that there is a difference between being born into the WTS and entering as an adult. And then there are those, like me, middle people who went in as preteens or adolescence. The indoctrination of children is quite different than the indoctrination of adults where you have to destroy their previous beliefs and substitute the new beliefs.
Children can be "in" and never have any responsibility. Some never get baptized. And then there are some who quickly move up the ranks to positions of authority fairly quickly. And as we know women have their place "in subjection". Some posters here who used to be elders express a lot of guilt over some of the policies they had to enforce. It lays heavy on their minds.
Intensity and severity of the thought-reform programsI remember in the years before 1975 the urgency to get people baptized in less than 6 months using the "Truth™" book. People were pushed through the book and pushed to make a commitment. The "hard core" JW’s experience is very different than those who are considered weak. The "intensity and severity" of those in positions of authority will be very different than that who show up once a year but still claim to be JWs. (p. 52)
Recently, we have seen a hardening of the rules and searching out of those who are considered on the fringes and demanding a commitment or risk being DAed.
Physical harm and the threat of violence
While many groups use the threat of violence to arouse feelings of fear the WTS uses fear of ultimate death at Armaggeon and the loss of association with "God’s organization™" to control people. The authors state:
Fear is a very powerful weapon, and living in fear for any length of time may have a significant impact on a person’s state of mind and well-being. (p.52)
Poor or inadequate medical treatment
In the years before 1975 many JWs failed to take care of some medical issues, believing the end was so close and God would "cure" them on the other side". People who suffered psycholgical problems were discouraged from going to mental health workers. Emotional problems were a sign of weakness. Prayer, service and meetings were enough to help a person deal with problems. Vaccinations, the blood issue, transplant policies has caused many people to suffer needlessly and have caused many to lose thir lives for WT policies.
Loss of outside support
Due to the indoctrination most recruits are encouraged to cut themselves off from family and friends who present a threat to a person’s continued association with JWs. Family and friends who oppose the WTS/JWs are branded as opposers and contact with them is severely limited.
The increase in dependency on the group and other group members for all social interactions increases the person’t sense of "isolation and susceptibility to the cult’s worldview."
After involvement
"Various factors can hasten healing and lessen postcult difficulties at this stage." (p. 53). When I left the JWs I spent the next 10 years as a walk-away believer. It wasn’t until I got on the Internet that I started dealing with the reality of having lived in a cult for 22 years. I spoke to nobody about this. For the longest time I felt a need to protect the WTS name and at the same time felt a sence of shame about the experience. The authors state:
Former cult members often spend years after leaving a cult in relative isolation, not talking about or dealing with their cult experience. Shame and silence may increase the harm done by the group and can prevent healing. (p. 53)
Getting accurate information about the group, the control techniques and the process of indoctrination can all help to make post-cult adjustment easier. The authors present several ideas to make the transition easier.
- Engage in a professionally led exit counseling session.
- Educate yourself about cults and thought-reform techniques.
- Go to a rehabilitaion facility, especially one that specializes in postcult recovery issues.
- Involve family members and old and new friends, if that feels comfortable, in reviewing and evaluating your cult experience.
- See a psychotherapist or other type of counselor, such as a pastoral counselor, preferably someone who is familiar with or is willing to educate herslf or himself about cults and common postcult problems.
- Attend a support group for former cult members. (p. 54)
End of Part 1