For previous sections of this series go to: Captive Hearts, Captive Minds/Take Back Your Life
A NOTE regarding the book. The book is being revised and updated and will get a new title; Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships (previously titled Captive Hearts, Captive Minds and this is the title I am working with) by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias"
CHAPTER 4: INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES AFFECTING RECOVERY: PART 2
Leaving the Cult
The authors of Captive Hearts, Captive Minds categorize the 4 most common ways people leave cults as the following:
- to walk away (walkaways),
- to be thrown out (castaways,
- to lose the leader or find the group has collapsed, and
- to be counseled out. (p. 54)
For the purpose of this discussion I will focus mainly on points 1, 2, and a bit of 4. Depending on how a person left the group they may experience very specific reactions in trying to reintegrate back into the real world.
Walkaways
Those who walk away often find it hard to pinpoint what made them leave. I find, though that in regards to the posters here, those who walked away very often cite the lack of love and hypocracy. Very often they have no idea they were in a cultic group. And since they are not aware of having been involved with a cult they usually don’t realize the psychological manipulations they have experienced.
As we know, it isn’t easy to leave the JWs. There is no graceful way out. Leaving means turning your back on friends, sometimes family, the group and its leaders. Often people experience a lot of guilt because they believe that leaving the organization is the equivalent of leaving God.
Castaways
Many of us, myself included, were forced out (Dfed). Regardless of the reason for being Dfed, there is often a great deal of shame and guilt. The authors state that "both walkaways and castaways may feel that they have failed God and lost all spiritual hope. . .. Some may believe that they are condemned not only in this lifebut also in the hereafter. . . " (p. 56)
Steven Hassan is cited in his book Combatting Cult Mind Control, "The people who have been kicked out . . . are always in the worst shape of all former cult members. . . Most of them devoted their entire lives to the group, . . . " After being taought that salvation only can be attained through the group and having sacrificed everything to be in the group, once they are ousted the castawaysmay feel as if they "have been cast out into what they view as utter darkness" (p. 56)
We are all aware of the threats of being Dfed that exists within the WTS. They use these threats to instill fear. The authors suggest that this group may be most in need of counseling and education about cults and thought reform.
Counseled out via planned interventions
Personally I know of no JWs that have experienced an intervention which included exit counseling. Of course that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened. The authors discuss some of the deprogramming seesion of the 70s but as far as I know this isn’t applicable regarding the JWs.
I do think, however, that there have been a few people here who have experienced a slow exit counseling of sorts. The one that comes to mind would be ithinkisee and freedomlover. Granted she was busy doing her own research but he was systematically helping her along. (Well done, BTW).
I suspect that with the increase of Internet usage and the availability of information about the WTS more people are educating themselves out of the org.
Evaluating Your Involvement
The authors provide three sets of questions to help you assess your involvement in the group. They suggest that you review these lists as you go through your recovery. NOTE: I have edited the list to limit the questions to the cult experience but the questions also apply to abusive partners.
Reviewing your recruitment
Understanding the psychological manipulation used in your group
The authors suggest reviewing Lifton’s eight criteria for thought reform that was posted in chapter 3.
Examining your doubts