TELL US YOUR LACK OF LOVE STORIES FOR THE LURKERS.

by shamus 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  shamus

  Jesus said, "You will all know my followers by they're works".

  In a recent thread that I made, Which Lie Hurt You The Most, most posters presented they're arguments, and pretty much all of them said that the "lack of love" was horrendous.

  Why don't you write out your lack of love stories so that the lurkers can visit and see what this destructive high-control-group (aka, cult) does to the emotional health of sheep who are sick and weak.

  Open up your hearts here; tell us what they did to you.

  I'll also post a response, but not right this second... it will take time for me to post it.
• 

  Funchback

  The elders held a Judicial Committee against my sister (known here as Nikita) after she got married in a church.

  They formed the JC despite:

  1) My sister being inactive for a few years prior to marriage.

  2) Not even telling her that they were forming the committee.

  3) Making an announcement of "disassociation" by her actions to the congregation and not informing my brother and me about the announcement in advance.
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  dustyb

  well, i had an elder come up and tell me that in his own opinion, i wasn't as important to my g/f as the congregation was..... my congregation has a few elders that are dicks... i can go on and on......................
• 

  talesin

  When I was a child, the PO used to say (and from the platform) that when you take your children to the bathroom during a meeting for discipline, we better HEAR THEM!!!

  So .... as a 5-year old, squirming in my seat meant being taken to the bathroom and beaten so that the congregation could hear my crying LOUD AND CLEAR.

  Note: He died a slow, horrible death, and I must admit that although I did not relish it, I felt little compassion for him.

  t
• 

  Uzzah

  My step mother was never a Witness and my father was disfellowshipped 28 years ago for smoking. He quit about 20 years ago.

  Since his death some Witnesses have called for us kids at the house. Each time my step mother has answered the phone. While it is nice they are calling to offer my brother and sister support NOT ONCE have any of them offered condolence to her. This is her house, her phone number, one would think common courtesy would mean extending condolence to the widow. Especially since she supported all us kids in our decision to remain witnesses. She drove us regularly to meetings when we were teenagers and never spoke badly about our religion. She was following the pattern my father had started and continued.

  If anyone deserves some kind of acknowledgement from the JW's as a 'friendly non-Witness' it is her. But as a result of this she even better understands my decision to quit this group of socially inept people. She has become so bitter due to the lack of basic human compassion. She is no longer Witness friendly at all.

  My JW sister has been forced to admit that the JW's thusfar have been cold and heartless. One more seed planted.

  Love amongst themselves??? Yeah right. (sarcasm intentional)

  My more fanatical JW is supposed to be coming to town for the funeral, this despite the fact he only is in contact with my Dad about every 2-3 years with a 3 minute phone call. My step mom has said "fine he disfellowshipped his father and chose not to have his father in his life. Why does he now want a relationship now he is dead. I am now shunning him."

  My brother just doesn't understand why my step mom feels this way. "She just doesn't get the disfellowshipping thing, does she?" When he gets shunned he says it is persecution, but when he shuns others it is honorable and should be accepted. Some people will never get it. sigh

  JW's seem to demand understanding and compassion from everyone else. Yet when they are cold hearted people are supposed to just accept it. If ever I had doubts about my decision to leave, this week has clinched it.

  What a Witness they are making for themselves. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  Uzzah
• 

  shamus

  I was seriously depressed, and tired of the lack of love at the congregations. The constant back-biting, gossipping, etc., not necessarialy about me at all, but other people turned me right off. Now I am not speaking of one congregation in particular here; it was every one that I went to.

  When things got hard, I prayed to "Jehovah". They did not improve one bit; rather, it deteriorated further. I was told once that I would never become a ministerial servant because I worked saturdays and I needed to be out in Saturday service to become one.

  It wasn't that I necessarialy wanted to be one, but the news delivered to me quite suddenly one fine Monday morning made me stop dead in my tracks and look at them.

  I moved back to my home town, and was on anti-depressants. I felt better, and realized why I would go home sick to my stomach nearly every night; because it was not how Jesus disciples acted. When they had a dispute about circumcision, they handled it, and everyone agreed. These people disagreed about personal private things, and yacked about it out in service groups; just sick and demented behavior.

  A buddy of mine and I decided to move away. I did not go back there for about 1 month. When I arrived, and old asshole said to me,"well, if it isn't the part-timer". It didn't bother me one bit, I laughed and walked right by him; we were friendly up to that point, but his comment was NOT friendly.

  Who said goodbye to me?>

  One elder. He just said "good luck" and that was it. Pretty strange since I was running all the dammed microphones and working the literature counter... not one more word was said.

  I knew at that moment that this was not isolated, and I had seen people shunned for far less. I decided at that point that I was not going to be a Jehovahs Witness anymore.

  When I read crisis of conscience, I was floored. I leave the reader to find out the poor 70 year old man who had to go back to work because he got "disfellowshipped" and had to leave bethel; his "pension" destroyed.

  They are truly like ravenous wolves, and I thank them for being so; because they are not god's people. They're ignorance lead me to the right path. One that does not involve judging.

  Thank god I'm out. Thank god we're all out.

  And there are millions of stories out there from people who do not post on this board, too. If they were to post, this thread would be 1 million replies long.
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  cyber-sista

  My daughter attended meetings with me while she was growing up, but drifted away in her teen years, but would attend occasionally. My husband was never a witness, but a really nice guy who i dearly love. our daughter also grew up to be a really nice person and a loving daughter. When she started to date a "worldly man" even though she was not a witness herself the elders gave me a serious talking to. One of them told me the story of PHineous and how he drove the tent peg throught the groin of the man and the woman and that is how Jehovah felt about my daughter (that God wanted to drive a tent peg through her groin). It put me into a state of shock that lasted for a very long time--even today it makes my skin crawl to think about him saying that horrible thing to me about my kind and loving daughter. I tried to get things straightened out in regards to the elders attitude toward the situation and talked with a circuit overseer about it. He was very unsympathetic when he told me what he has had to do is emotionally separate from his family so he won't feel so bad when they die at the big A. He also told me that he and the elders were concerned that if I ever had Grandchildren from this marriage I may become attached to them (as if that was a wrong thing for me to do). This is only a small part of this awful story but it continued on in this same mode until I almost lost my mind. I wrote a 12 page letter to the society about many of the things said and could've written more, but they never answered my letter even though I had written PLEASE HELP ME at the top of the page. They WT leaders killed God for me as they painted such a cruel picture of him. They were trying to get me to stop loving my family and made it appear that my love for them was a weakness on my part--that was the worst injustice and lack of love anyone could have shown me.

  the story ends well though with me out of the JWs (in therapy and recovering), my relationship with husband and daughter intact and a wonderful new son-in-law (not a JW). AND I still love them all...
• 

  got my forty homey?

  I was asked to leave Bethel under very suspicious allegations based on the word (lies) of a man who was constantly following behind me looking to always get me in trouble. This person sexually assualted me in the showers in the locker room my last day in Bethel and thought the entire thing was funny. He was able to do this since my last day at bethel I worked late on a project I wanted to complete before leaving. This sick fuck was CONSTANTLY stalking me. It was very wierd!

  After this may Father threw me out of his home because I did not want to pioneer anymore. Since I had no real education and I was only 20 years old I ventured on my own by getting a small apartment and pretty much doing menial work to support myself. Soon after I became a drug addict and was homeless sleeping on the subways of New York.

  The thanks for all of this, a disfellowshipping from the loco kingdom hall and a free meal from a pentocostal church right next door to the hall!

  I have never told anyone this story, not even my parents or my judical comitee, even though I hinted at it they promised that upon my reinstatement an investigation would be started!

  Now you can all see my bitterness toward eveything and everyone. But I might as well share with all of you to know the real deal.
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  Mysterious

  Well it's safe to say I went to parties with several youths from the congregation. After I left many of them simply have not spoken one word to me since and some turn their nose up when they pass me in the hallways.

  A girl I knew for nearly 18 years shot me back a reply about how unwise I was to stop going to meetings because that was where my "true friends" were. I replied my true friends were the ones who had not turned their backs on me over a silly little religious disagreement. In fact I had true friends who were Catholic, Evangelical, Atheist, Agnostic, Buddhist etc who had not turned their backs on me and yet my JW friends all did without another thought. My true friends were the ones who didn't care if I was gay. The JW ones told me to wait for "Jehovah to fix me".

  Instead of unconditional love I'm faced with the fact that there is nothing I can do to mend things between my mother and I except to come back in "the truth". Since I will never do this that is how things stand. She however uses her position as my mother to apply leverage to me at every opportunity. She tells me among other things:

  How unbearable it is to her to go to <x religious event> without me. (then dont go, duh)
  How I'm breaking her heart. (whose fault is it that you have unreasonable expectations)
  How she's so upset that I'm trading my "eternal future" for such a "short period of time". (you mean you're upset that you selfishly wont have me for this perceived eternity)
  How she hopes my cousin thinks twice about "ruining his life". (he hangs out with his friends, drinks socially, and has a worldly girlfriend) [sounds like he's turning out quite well to me]
  What a good talk by <x brother> I missed, how much it would have helped me. (helped me do what exactly? be rebrainwashed? hate myself?)
  How much everyone misses me. (yeah right)
  How she hoped I would pioneer instead of going to college. (and how pray tell should I have supported myself?)
  How it was a mistake to have me. (thanks I always wanted to be unborn)
  How much she says she must not have taught me well enough or I never would have "left" (no I just happened to be smarter than the average dub)
  How she hopes I never fall in love. (great mom that's nice)
  How it's "not to late" to "come back" because I don't have anything "disgusting in god's eyes" on my conscience yet. (I'm not coming back, get over it)

  She then leaves literature out, underlined, in a location where I cannot help but miss it. She refuses to leave my room unless I tell her I love her. She throws a fit if I don't hug her when she comes home.

  The congregation who loves me so much and yet will drive by and spray me with slush while I'm walking to school as they head off to drop off their own kids. Some have the nerve still to wave as they pass.

  The people who were going to "dig up some more work for me" who I never hear back from.

  The people who want to "keep in touch" but I find out have blocked me on IM, never call, never email, never invited me anywhere.

  The guilt, the infliction of pain, the lack of love.
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  Purple

  I was pioneering and my mum told me she had cancer everywhere and only had a certain amount of time to live. No response from anyone in the congregation except from one elder who said to me "Oh well you will still be able to do your part in the ministry tomorrow wont you". I can tell you I went home absolutely devastated.

  The most anyone said was well at least she will be in the new system as she will have paif for her sins when she dies. The worse one told me to cheer up and get on with it.

  A few months later the same thing happened to her and the whole congregation supported her and so on. Made sure she had everything she needed. I looked at her and said exactly the same to her and got repremanded for it. When I pointed out that that was the exact words that she used to me a few months previously and compared with the elder the reaction to the same news by the congregation his reply was its different her family are in the truth. I said so because my family are not in the truth it doesnt matter, where is the love in that comment? You are saying that my mothers life is worthless because she is not in the truth? What about showing love to all god's creations and so on. He just went quiet and shrugged his shoulders.

  Needless to say I didnt do the part in the ministry and never did again. If only they knew what I was thinking I would of been disfellowshipped on the spot.

  In the end it didnt matter what I said or did, jealous sisters ran and tattled everything to the elders. The sad part was that a lot of it was made up and yet the sister was believed. Even when I could prove I was not there at the time and so on, the elder took the side of the sister. THe usualy response was "if you don't like it its too bad, there's nothing you can do cause your husband is not in the truth". In the end I looked at that elder and said well actually there is something I can do and I just walked out and never came back. I have never been contacted by anyone, had no one sheparding etc. Oh but the congregation was so full of love it was rediculous. Another sad part was that this was a common occurance to single sisters in the truth in my cong. Go figure that. If that is an example of how their God loves his creations I would hate to live in a system that depended on that love!