My heart is ripped out !!

Puternut

I am absolutly miserable !

I am a newbie here, some of you have seen my posts. And for those of you, who are old timers, this is no news to you. But I have been doing some serious research on the Society. Things like the UN scandal, which is new to me. I was totally unaware of this, while I was in the organization. The investments by the Society in War Fare technology. And who knows what else I will find.

I feel so betrayed! Here I have been an elder and presiding overseer for over 18 years. I have given public talks, circuit assembly discourses, district parts, openly condeming the UN, the view on war and neutrality. I have disfellowshipped so many, I lost count after a while, all in line with the Societies guidelines and Bible principles. I have written letters to government officials in many lands, to ask to please respect the stand on neutrality, in behalf of the brothers who were assassinated, beaten and persecuted.

And here behind my back, the Society has in secret done things that are abominable. The things I was asked to read and research, was in total contrast with what they were actually doing themselves. If 'one' member of the organization did this, we would have a committee on our hands. And here the faithful slave is doing things that are of committee nature themselves.

I have given my LIFE to this organization, and gave up so much in order to be a good witness. I had to change my whole life in order to do the things the society outlined for christians. I had to have a humble attitude when things were changed in 'views', or when the 'light got brighter'. It was all very confusing, but I had to go along with the organization's new policies, if I were to remain not only a good witness, but also an elder.

I feel I have waisted 24 years of my life, in which I could have done so many other things. I feel back stabbed and betrayed. All this dedicated time for NOTHING. Why has everything been so secret?

I feel like the organization has ripped my heart out.

The only good thing that I am left with, is that I have an better understanding of the scriptures, but not according to the organization's view.
I also became a better speaker in front of thousands. But so what? What has all that gotten me, but a shotgun in the face.

kat2u

having been out for awhile.I have never checked into any of the beliefs besides what I was taught.I have only now begun looking into things,Its supriseing the way things hev been hidden.I wish i could help my daughter and mother without becomming labeled as apostate.

Joyzabel

Just swallowed the red pill?

Allow yourself plenty of time (over 2 years) to adjust to the rollercoaster ride you are now on.

After I had read CoC, my head was spinning for days. I came to this board for support. It is here. And there is a life after finding out the truth obout the troof.

Rant, rage, vent, but make a plan on how you can maintain family relationships, if that is your desire.

Many are here to help you through this time. You are not alone and many have traveled the road you are heading down. Please take the time to read some of the old posts from people who were true believers and had given their lives for the WTBTs.

In the meantime, welcome.

Joy

Lady Lee

Puternut

Perfectly normal that you feel so betrayed. It is a hard thing to learn that while you were under instructions to follow certain rules the org was doing the exact opposite secretly.

I was in for 22 years and was an elders wife for a few of those years.

It hurts a lot to find out about the lies and coverups and betrayal.

But if you learn from it and find a way to help yourself and then to help others you will find that it wasn't for nothing.

Be cautious for a while and take it slow. A first reaction is often to want to warn others and actions are often taken that are later regretted. Sit with your feelings of loss and grief for a bit. After a while you will see the best path to take to personal freedom and how best to help others

Lee

Joyzabel

If you haven't already read these books, I recommend them:

Crisis of Concscience Raymond Franz

In Search of Christian Freedom Raymond Franz

The Road Less Traveled M. Scott Peck, M.D.

The People of the Lie M. Scott Peck, M.D. (any of his books are good)

The 2 that Carl Olof Jonnson has written. Very good at documenting history.

Apcolypse Delayed James Penton

True Beliver Eric Hoffer

Combatting Mind Control Steve Hassen

hmmmm.....will add more as I remember them.

seven006

Puternut,

You have already gone through the awakening stage. You have just entered the anger stage. Sit with it a while, put it into perspective and then step into the "me" stage. You have given up 24 years of your life to a cult. That is hard to accept and deal with. But anyone can do it. Now it's time to do and learn things for yourself. There is a great big wonderful world out there that the JW cult has kept you from seeing and enjoying. Go take a look, It will help you put your past and the time the watchtower stole from your life into perspective.

Take care,

Dave

Joyzabel

OK, one more thought (Dave brought it to mind, thanks)

Allow yourself time to grieve.

Yes grieve.

The stages of grief are:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

When you get stuck in one stage (for years) or you keep going back into a stage instead of moving forward, seek professional help.

It takes a long time to go through the grief process. Especially when you encounter things that were so routine/familar that now you have to change. Embrace each stage and realize that you are healing yourself.

Hang in there, it will get better.

MegaDude

I have the impression that when the person is ready, they're open to hearing the truth about the Watchtower. Change of any kind is very stressful, and the emotional stress of even stepping up to the mental plate to question whether the Watchtower really is God's one and only organization is a monumental leap in any member of the JWs. Even when you begin to realize that it might be a lie, there may be resistance to delving further because the cost of leaving has been made very very high by the Watchtower's shunning policy. Proceeding down the path to severing your ties can be a breathtakingly painful experience in waking up to reality.

I'm very sorry you are at the beginning of realizing all this and what has been lost. It can hit you like a ton of bricks at first and leave you stunned. Sometimes for a very long time. I was consumed with outrage myself at first, later to be followed by grief as those closest to me were manipulated away. All I can tell you is you will find your story is repeated thousands and thousands of times in not only Jehovah's Witnesses, but the Mormons, Scientology, the Moonies, and many other cults and major religious denominations.

It takes a while to get past the shock, but there are better times ahead. I'm not trying to be glib, but many people on this board have gone through what you're experiencing right now and have put together a good life. I'm not trying to downplay the tragedy of what your eyes have been opened to, but just wanted to let you know there is a life to be had after the Watchtower.

jst2laws

Well Puternut,

I know the feeling. Most here have been there.

I feel I have waisted 24 years of my life, in which I could have done so many other things. I feel back stabbed and betrayed. All this dedicated time for NOTHING. Why has everything been so secret?

How about 38 years, bookstudy conductor since 1964, 17 years as PO, ten years in full-time work (six at Bethel) circuit and district responcibilities and talk assignments (first district convention talk in 1971) and found out it was a fraud at age 53. Just got DF'd for apostacy 11 months ago. Did I invest in a fantasy? Your not alone. Disbelief followed by grief and anger are normal.

But it will get better, eventually. And you will be a HAPPY, NORMAL person for the first time in decades when you get past this.

As for "All this dedicated time for NOTHING" you will find it was not a total waste. In fact you will some day marvel at some of what you have gained from the experience.

Take care, and be patient, and stick around. You will find support here, and before you know it you will become a source of support too.

Jst2laws

imallgrowedup

(((((Puternut)))))

I am so sorry that you are going through this. How horrible to have to deal with all the betrayal - to have the very foundation on which you've based your life be ripped out from underneath you. My heart goes out to you.

The only advise I can give to you is to not beat yourself up over what this selfish and insensitive cult has done to you, and to allow yourself the range of emotions you are going to go through. I've heard it described that dealing with the end of a relationship - whether it is with another person whom you've loved deeply, or with a religious organization whom you trusted your life with - is no different than dealing with the death of someone you've loved. If you think about it - right now you are faced with the death of your relationship with the WT. As such, you are going to go through all the emotions that someone who would be dealing with a physical death would. And it is perfectly understandable and normal for you to feel the way you do right now. You need to go through the grieving process in order to get through to the other side. Allow yourself to feel the anger, the sadness, the denial and finally the acceptance - and know that it is okay to share it here on the board. I promise you will find more support and understanding here than you ever had while in the borg, and when you get through to the other side, you will be glad to be rid of the oppressive and repressive organization called The Watchtower.

growedup

My heart is ripped out !!

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