A Story About Faith

by jgnat 32 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Fiancee

    She paced back and forth, fiddling with her hands, fiddling with the ring. "How can you just sit there so calm, so relaxed, so...unmoveable? We will be married in Two Days!" She was is his very own butterfly, a Spicebush Swallowtail, flitting back and forth, her chestnut curls bouncing as she paced, her tiny frame a bundle of pixie cuteness. He smiled.

    "Dad was right. Five years of college. Five years! And what do I have to show for it! No degree, no major. I have never finished anything in my life. Why did I think I was ready for marriage?"

    He reached for her as she flitted by, deftly catching her about her tiny waist, and plopped her in his lap. Gently, gently, he guided his butterflys pixie face towards his own. He smiled in to her dark brown eyes, troubled eyes.

    "I have faith in you, honey. We will be great together."

    "Really? You really believe that?" She relaxed in his arms, allowed herself to be petted. "If you believe in us, I believe in us, too. Mmmm. I love you so much."

    Young Wife

    He sighed and stared at his hands. He was tired at looking at her red-rimmed, accusing eyes. How had the argument started? He had forgotten. He'd tried to make light of it all. That had only made it worse. And the hurtful things said afterwards only added fuel to the fire. He was at a loss at how it had all gone wrong. He was powerless to make it all better. He was a total failure as a husband. And what kind of alien creature was woman, that spouted tears over the silliest stuff? To top it all off, the Big Game was starting in an hour. Precious little chance he will see it now. All of a sudden soft hands covered his hard, rough ones.

    A hesitant voice interrupted his reverie. "Do you think this is they meant by better or worse?" He cautiously looked up, and met her gaze, now kind. "If this is the worst you can do, I think we can make it."

    "You mean that?"

    "Yes, yes I do. I have faith in you, honey."

    "He let out a gust of breath. I am glad. I have faith in you, too." He grabbed her hands back, and gave them a tight squeeze.

    Daughter

    She was so cute in the bumblebee bathing suit. Her arms clutched in front of her little round tummy wrapped in bee stripes, she hopped up and down on the cold tile. "Daddy, I changed my mind. I dont want to swim any more."

    "What, honey, whats the matter?"

    She glanced over at the other children laughing and splashing. "Its boring. I just dont want to do it anymore. Can I go home now?"

    "But honey, you have been doing so good. Is it because this is badge day?"

    "Its too hard, Daddy. I don't like it any more. Cant we just go home?"

    He bent down to eye level to his little bumblebee. "Come here, honey." He took her two little hands in his. "Look me in the eye. Look, honey. Have you had fun with Miss Yurko?"

    "Yees. I guess so."

    "Have any of the kids been mean to you?"

    "Noooo, not really."

    "Miss Yurko says you are doing just fine. You can hold your breath underwater now, can't you?"

    "Yeah. But I don't paddle good. Those other kids are very good paddlers. Miss Yurko says so"

    "And you will too, honey. I just know it."

    "How can you know, Daddy? Maybe I will never be a good paddler."

    "I just got this feeling, honey. You know, I wasn't always so good at paddling, either."

    "Ha, ha, Daddy. Now you are just being funny."

    "Truly, honey. I got this good feeling. I just know you will do good at this paddling thing."

    "Really Daddy? You think so?"

    "I know so, honey. I have faith in you. Now. Dont you want to join your friends? It sure looks like they are having fun to me."

    "Ok. Hey, Johnny! Thats my flutter board! Give it back!"

    Midlife Wife

    She picked up a bundle of papers again, tapped it on the formica table top. Laid the bundle down again. She glanced up at him. "I know I have to do this. You know I have to do this. I have to prove my dad wrong. I have to prove to myself I can do it."

    He grinned and sipped his coffee.

    "I mean it this time! I'm really going to do this. Ive checked and double checked. I only need two more credits, and I have a degree in Home Economics."

    He chuckled.

    "Stop funning me! If you know what is good for you."

    "Oh, no honey. No, no. I have faith in your plan. You will get your degree this time. Its just, well...." he grinned.

    "What!"

    "Well, honey, you could teach the damn thing!" He ducked, holding the coffee mug in front of him, a flimsy shield.

    "Now look what you have done! Coffee stains all over my entrance papers! Whatever will the registrar think?"

    Doctor

    "Well, I am afraid I don't have good news." The doctor's shoulders were slumped distressingly. His basset eyes blinked up at him through improbably bushy brows. "The results here leave no question. The cancer is back."

    "Well, Doc, tell me straight. How you want to fight it this time? More Chemo? I can take it." He shuddered involuntarily. Hoped Doc didn't see.

    "Weve done the standard treatments. About all that is left is the radical stuff. In this case, the most promising treatment is to kill off your existing bone marrow and transplant a donors in its place. But I have to tell you. It is very risky. It will be chemo all over again, more surgery, and blood transfusions."

    "Hell, Doc. We have been through so much already. Do you really think it is worth another shot?"

    Docs eyebrows shot up in bushy arches. "Yes I do. I really do. We have the best specialists right here. We are having very good success rates with this kind of treatment."

    "Well, lets give it a shot then, Doc. I have faith in you."

    The doctor bounced out of his chair, thrust forward his hand. "Thank you for believing in me. We can cover your plan in detail tomorrow. I will not let you down."

    "Thanks, Doc. You always do your best. Not ready to trade you in yet."

    They shook on it.

    Sister

    She perched on the edge of the visitors chair, its orange vinyl top clashing hideously with her dress. Long of hem and short of cleavage, jam packed with pouffy blue flowers, the dress still did not manage to hide her attractive figure. Her eyes, brimming with tears, were washed pale blue.

    "It has been a long time, sister. How have you been keeping yourself?"

    "It is not me you should be worried about. Look at you! I do not want to lose you."

    He reached out a frail hand, and gently laid it on her knee. He patted her gently.

    Jerking a kleenex out of the dispenser, she furiously wiped her eyes. "How can you be so calm about it all? Don't you know you are going to die?"

    "Oh, we don't know that for sure, sister."

    "Poor thing. You have not accepted the truth of the matter as I have. Oh why oh why can't you accept faith in Jehovah?"

    He began to chuckle.

    "What's so funny? This is not a laughing matter!"

    Through the fog of morphine, he remembered times with his dear butterflies, his wife and daughter, who had provided him so many moments of joy. He considered his sister now, his inspiration for a lifetime hobby. Yes, she was as beautiful as ever, a bright Glaucopsyche alexis , elegant face framed with a graceful bun, greying at the temple, long fingers fluttering in anxiety. An energetic, lusty man could work wonders on that girl. Take some of the kinks out.

    "Well, have you put any thought in to your eternal reward? I have! It keeps me up nights!"

    "None of those boys down at that church of yours picked you up yet?"

    She blushed beet red, competing with the blazing vinyl chair. "I don't see what that has to do with the matter at hand. Don't you care if you have faith or not?"

    A lifetime in the company women had taught him to chose his words carefully. "Dear, my dear sister. I do have faith. He smiled and patted her fluttering hands. Dont you worry about me. Ill be fine. He smiled again. Could you go get me a Dr. Pepper? Theres a vending machine down the hall."

    "Fine. I can do that, at least. She dabbed her eyes. She slowly rose from her chair. Shall I tell your wife to come back?"

    "No, leave her. She's hardly had a break. Let her finish her dinner. For that matter, why don't you join her?"

    "Grasping the door handle, she turned suddenly to face her brother. Oh, dear. This may be the last time we have a chance to talk about your eternal reward. Are you sure you do not want to hear about it? It is never too late..."

    He chuckled again. "Dr. Pepper. That would be heaven. Go on now."

    Shut alone in the darkened room, the familiar dull pain flared up, a starburst from his chest radiating outwards. Every thin breath hurt. He felt himself draw ever inward, focus on the pain. Why not let go? The weight, great weight on his chest pulled him in to himself even farther. A peace washed over him. Why struggle? Give in to the weight. His vision darkened, tightened its noose. So this is what it is to die. Outer darkness gave way to inner light.

    Consciousness floated free.

    Hand fell limply to his side.

    His gentle smile remained.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    One of our newbie trolls was the inspiration for this story. The slogans "I have the truth" "I've got faith", become meaningless mantras chanted from a mouth more used to spouting invective than grace, almost as if he is trying to drown out the bells of glory ringing all around.

    The beautiful, musical sound of honest people speaking from their hearts about their honest lives.

  • nightwarrior
    nightwarrior

    Jgnatt

    Sorry i cant reply to your expose on approaching death, be it upon your deathbed as this would be inappropriate to talk or converse with you as you are ,or shown to have passed away,guess your not gonna do any more postings ,????

    being seriouse now,,this is a solitary statement which is personal to dying people,i had to read it as something as a poem as many many thousands of people are affected by this moving aspect which you have shown , i also say that this person was at ease with his own reasonings the difference between not having faith in an organization rather having knowledge which trancends the need to have faith ,which is having a need or hope yet unfullfilled your epitaph gives man the freedom to choose or not to choose ,while approaching death,does one opt for man made faith,

    or adopt a philosophical view that ,you know the truth allready and that this has set you free.

  • Gizmo
    Gizmo

    Thanks jgnat, that was beautiful.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Thank you nightwarrior and gizmo for responding. I was starting to worry that this thread was heading for posting obscurity. It might seem strange to you, but I still wonder if my story will have the desired impact, if it will manage to say what I have such a hard time expressing. Nothing is so true as the stories we tell about our own lives, spoken from our heart. After all, we have had a ringside seat.

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    It's beautiful, jgnat. Thanks for sharing! Since leaving the organization I have found new wonder in appreciating every minute of every day with my loved ones instead of projecting forward to a future that will not be. THIS is the real life!

    Nina

  • meadow77
    meadow77

    O.K., now you've done gone and made me cry. That was really beautiful. You have great talent, and I think we are all better for having read that story. Thank you for sharing it.

  • ESTEE
    ESTEE

    (((((JGNAT)))))

    you have me cryin' here . . .

    What a beautiful story about faith! A lifetime of faith in people around us and in our lives who are beloved.

    What a loving, touching story. . .

    Love ya,

    ESTEE

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    cruzanhart, my sister meadow77, ESTEE, thank you for your support. Sisters can really churn out the sappy stuff, huh? Estee, I think you figured out what I was trying to get at.

    A lifetime of faith in people around us and in our lives who are beloved.
    If we don't get the simple things of God, we are not ready for the meatier things. Many JW's are sadly crippled in their relationships with people. By never figuring out how to fully love and trust our loved ones, how can we say we have a healthy relationship with our God?
  • SheilaM
    SheilaM

    Beautiful jgnat very beautiful

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