For those who don't know, I have a wife and mother in Jehovah's Witnesses. I only
don't DA for their sakes. I stepped aside as an elder last year in the Summer, and I
told my mother about it, stating that I had problems with the organization- not with
the local BOE. She hasn't really asked me anything anymore. I have had my
non-JW sibling try to approach the subject of "thinking for yourself" but they have
made little progress.
A while back, I gave my mother the book MISTAKES WERE MADE: BUT NOT BY ME.
It has nothing to do with religion, but really sets the stage by explaining cognitive
dissonance.
My wife noticed that Mom and I weren't really discussing religion, so the
wife said, "You didn't tell your mother that you stopped going to meetings (early April),
did you?"
"No"
"When are you going to tell her?"
(Long story- short) "I will tell her if she ever asks."
No questions came from Mom until very recently. Mom went to the District Convention.
She must have really forgotten about my problems. Anyway, she says she feels guilty
because she was just tired, fell asleep during the drama, didn't feel better having gone.
A friend asked her if she enjoyed the convention and she admitted she was tired, never
answering further than that.
"You don't need to feel guilty. The Bible says you have to answer to God for what you
do in life. You feel guilty because the Kingdom Ministry and the WT keep telling you
to do more. You don't have to answer to the WT or to the elders for how much you do,
or how you feel about it."
"I just feel bad that I am so bored. They used to be much longer, and I could sit through
them, but now, even one day is difficult."
"Well, there's nothing new for you. You have heard the message. You read all the materials.
You wouldn't miss anything if you weren't there."
"Why is the new release at the end, now?"
"So people will come on Friday, then Saturday, hoping to see a new release, but come back
Sunday when they didn't get it."
[Back-and-forth discussion; Blah, Blah, yadda, yadda]
So I say to her, "Next year, just go to one day- just go on Sunday. What did [your husband]
say when you said you were tired?" (He's an unbeliever, usually discourages the long sessions)
"He said he has trouble sitting through a 2-hour meeting, but didn't say anymore. Well, how
was your convention?"
"I went with [my wife] to New Jersey, but I didn't go in to the sessions."
"Oh, then you do know how it's long and difficult to attend?"
"Yes." Silence follows- I know her JW mindset is processing my words and actions and
she is combatting her training to be a human being and a mother. Finally, she reaches
for some excuse to keep on a positive conversation.
"You are still in good standing, aren't you? You are still in the truth?"
"Yes, I am in good standing. I am still one of Jehovah's Witnesses." (My exact answer.)
"Good." The conversation drifts off to other subjects, as she has managed to confirm that
she doesn't have to decide what to do, but can continue to associate. She never asked
if I am skipping meetings (actually skipping ALL meetings).
So this is a really hopeful conversation. It confirms that I don't want to test the water by
DA'ing, but my mother wants an excuse to not change things. It also shows me that I can't
push too far with Mom but she doesn't shut down like the wife does. There's a chink in her
armor. Comments and thoughts on suggestions on how to proceed will be greatly appreciated.