conversational advice from mr chumley-warner
[int. dining room. England. An old-style 30's dinner party is going on. The men are laughing, and the women are tittering.]
An ordinary dinner party. The sort of occasion we all enjoy. The men are exchanging whitty stories. And look at the women - aren't they pretty? Look at how they laugh - aren't they delightful? But now the conversation turns to more serious matters...
LSM: I wonder if the government should return to the Gold Standard?
C-W: I think it should.
LSM: Good. Then we're all agreed.
But - oh, dear - what's this? One of the women is about to embarrass us all...
Woman: I think the government should stay off the Gold Standard, so that
the Pound can reach a level that would keep our exports competitive.
The lady's foolishly attempted to join the conversation with a wild and dangerous opinion of her own. What half-baked drivel!
[CW and LSM are regarding Woman with utmost distaste. CW's top lip
curls up. Woman starts crying, softly, and dabs at her eyes with her napkin]
See how the men look at her with utter contempt...
LSM: Woman - we're going home.
[LSM grabs Woman by the arm, and roughly drags the poor unfortunate
off.]
WOMEN, KNOW YOUR LIMITS!
[we see a cut-away diagram of a man's head. information is
"raining" into it, filling it all the way up to the top...]
Look at the effect of education on a man and a woman's mind.
Education passes into the mind of a man - see how the information is evenly
and tidily stored?
[we then see a cut-away diagram of a woman's head. the
information "rains" into it as before, but stops about a quarter of the way up...]
Now see the same thing on a woman. At first, we see a similar
result. But now look - still at a reasonably low level of education, her
brain suddenly overloads...
[the "rain" is replaced by a frantic squiggle, and klaxons start
hooting...]
She cannot take in complicated information. She becomes
frantically and absurdly deranged.
[we then see four sad cases dressed in hospital gowns. three of
the aged women are fat, the fourth rakish. all four have wildly
tussled hair and look completely vacant.]
Look at these venomous harridans... they went to university.
Hard to believe they're all under twenty five. Yes, over-education leads
to ugliness, premature aging, and beard growth.
[cut back to a restart of the dinner party]
Now let's see the proper way...
C-W: Good. So, we're all agreed. We should return to the Gold
Standard.
Woman: Oh, I don't know anything about the Gold Standard, I'm afraid -
but I do love little kittens. They're so soft, and furry.
[a fawning LSM takes Woman's hand]
LSM: What a delightful thought - you dear, sweet, fragile little
thing. I adore you.
Women, know your limits. In thought, be plain and simple - and
let your natural sweetness shine through.
