two nights ago it was meeting night for the "believing" members of my familly.
my wife who is usually the most regular at attending meetings decided to stay home because she wasn't feeling well.
my unbaptized son and his active wife weren't going either.
It's true that they also hate to miss out on their 'friends' - they are pretty insecure at that age and want to be there to cement the friendships they have there. They can be left out and feel 'out of it' if they miss meetings - and they desperately want to be there to ensure they are still in with the in crowd - that's the way it was with my kids.
sacdfan
long story - will make it short - i was a jw for 4 years.
hy husband took to it straigt away and has been a jw for 20 years - we were both converted by one of his workmates.
our 4 kids were all baptised jws and thankfully 3 escaped (2 disfellowshipped, one fading) - so my eldest son is still in with his dad.
Thanks for the support and all the suggestons from all of you.
I was thinking of taking a break - going away for a short break to think things through alone - a long weekend by the coast.
I still think we can work things through if he would only make an effort - sometimes he is warm, but then he can go 'funny' suddenly - I think they are working him too hard - meetings, ministry, quick build, maintenance, talks, studies etc.
I'll pray about things and I'll re-read your posts again and again. I'm sure things will become clearer as there is so much wisdom on this board.
Sacdfan
long story - will make it short - i was a jw for 4 years.
hy husband took to it straigt away and has been a jw for 20 years - we were both converted by one of his workmates.
our 4 kids were all baptised jws and thankfully 3 escaped (2 disfellowshipped, one fading) - so my eldest son is still in with his dad.
Thanks just Ron.
I'm not sure what to do, but I am sure that we are growing further apart. He is a committed JW - I am not. He spends all his time and energy on the WT so it's likely things won't get better.
I believe that this life isn't all there is. So it isn't just a matter of leaving him because life is so short and I deserve better. If I left and met someone and had a 'happier' life, there is still the future - I mean after death - the future I believe we have with Jesus. My husband believes we will live forever on earth - I believe a Christian's future is in heaven. But can I sacrifice my hope for the future on a few years of happiness now? I still love my husband - we have been through a lot, I will always care for him and he is the father of my children, so whatever happens we will always be connected.
I also believe that marriage is for keeps - God hates divorces - so it's more than likely I will move out and we will live separately, but I would never look for anyone else to share my life with - it's far too late for that now and I don't want a relationship with another man. We will stay married but separated and I will concentrate on my faith, family, hobbies, work and friends - maybe that's all I can ever expect - it's far more than some people have.
Thanks to all of you for helping me clear my head :)
sacdfan
long story - will make it short - i was a jw for 4 years.
hy husband took to it straigt away and has been a jw for 20 years - we were both converted by one of his workmates.
our 4 kids were all baptised jws and thankfully 3 escaped (2 disfellowshipped, one fading) - so my eldest son is still in with his dad.
Such a lot of food for thought - thank you to all of you.
My heart says one thing, my head another.
I agree he could be using me while he is at college. I just don't know. We've been through so much and sometimes he can be so nice while at other times he is distant - a real Jekyll and Hyde!
Whatever happens, you have made me feel so much better in myself - your words have really been a great comfort - it's nice to hear others tell me I am worth something - I'm not a loser - I actually feel 10 feet tall now - thank you so much
xxx
long story - will make it short - i was a jw for 4 years.
hy husband took to it straigt away and has been a jw for 20 years - we were both converted by one of his workmates.
our 4 kids were all baptised jws and thankfully 3 escaped (2 disfellowshipped, one fading) - so my eldest son is still in with his dad.
Thanks to all of you for your comments - I really appreciate them. I can understand what you are saying, djeggnog, but he doesn't want to study with me. Even when I was attending meetings I had to practically force him to study. Being a JW has not helped my marriage - it has had the opposite effect. He does all the right things in the hall, pioneers when he can, is a complete dogdbody, gets made up to MS pretty soon because from the outside he looks so good. I am being mean, I know, he is a good man deep down, but he seems as hard as nails.
He told me this morning he is going witnessing in the wilds of Scotland (or was it Ireland?) in July or August for 2 weeks. He didn't even ask if I'd like to go. You see, djeggnog, he doesn't seem to care if I am getting weaker - shouldn't he be trying to save me - to encourage me or something? Why didn't he ask me if I want to go? When I said it was a bit unfair going off for 2 weeks without me (a bit like holidaying alone) he said I have the wrong mind set and I need to correct my thinking.
tif21 - I'm not on any advocate form that I know of - I am not on his blood card any more - he named 2 others.
I just feel sick of it all - I may as well talk to the dog - at least she gives me some affection - pops her head on one side as if she is listening to every word.
Thanks for all the ideas and good wishes - I will re-read all of the comments again and pray about it.
sacdfan
long story - will make it short - i was a jw for 4 years.
hy husband took to it straigt away and has been a jw for 20 years - we were both converted by one of his workmates.
our 4 kids were all baptised jws and thankfully 3 escaped (2 disfellowshipped, one fading) - so my eldest son is still in with his dad.
tif21- I am so sorry - my heart aches for you. You took the words out of my mouth - how can people go door to door telling people how to live, how to have happy families, how to be honest, how to follow Jesus closely - it makes me sick - total hypocrisy - don't they ever think that this is laughable? How can a person who treats his/her partner like a piece of rubbish trot out to service handing out family books with a smile - they certainly are brain dead- complete and total robots!
long story - will make it short - i was a jw for 4 years.
hy husband took to it straigt away and has been a jw for 20 years - we were both converted by one of his workmates.
our 4 kids were all baptised jws and thankfully 3 escaped (2 disfellowshipped, one fading) - so my eldest son is still in with his dad.
Anonymous - good point about him wanting to mantain his position - I have no idea what he tells elders about me. I am also certain that the women (I don't call them sisters - they're not my sisters) in the k hall gossip about me because I get some funny looks when they pass me.
Yknot - he had to go to college to retrain as there wasn't a lot of work in the building field when the rot set into property and construction - as long as the evening classes didn't interfere with meetings the elders were ok with it- and little miss college student isn't a JW but he tried to get her to have a study, apparently. They still see each other every Monday and Wednesday evening at college. I'm not reliant on him financially - but I wouldn't leave him in the lurch - I'd always help out with bills etc even if we weren't together - I can't be petty like that. I still think we can salvage things as long as he stops listening to the WT and listens to me.
long story - will make it short - i was a jw for 4 years.
hy husband took to it straigt away and has been a jw for 20 years - we were both converted by one of his workmates.
our 4 kids were all baptised jws and thankfully 3 escaped (2 disfellowshipped, one fading) - so my eldest son is still in with his dad.
tif21,
I am so sorry for your situation - I wish I could give you a hug. I really hurt inside too - in fact, since writing this post, it has made me realise how hurt I still am by his dalliances with miss college knickers - I don't even know what she looks like - but all the feelings are flooding back - and it's mainly the fact he wouldn't have stopped had I not found out - that's what hurts the most - because what would have happened had I not stopped it? Who knows? I don't even know, hand on heart, how far things went. He is supposed to be the 'Christian', the head of the household, caring fo me - what a laugh.
Is there anywhere you can go - friends, family - anywhere at all. what a scumbag to treat you like this - and you can bet the elders are all over him because, like my scumbag, he is ticking all the right boxes - meeting attendance, field service, contributions etc etc - what a croc of *h*t!! I will pray for you and hope you find somewhere safe to live - you deserve so much better.
straightshooter - you are correct - my sons tells me the same thing - it's the WT org first, elders second, bros and Sis third, and me fourth (at a pinch)
long story - will make it short - i was a jw for 4 years.
hy husband took to it straigt away and has been a jw for 20 years - we were both converted by one of his workmates.
our 4 kids were all baptised jws and thankfully 3 escaped (2 disfellowshipped, one fading) - so my eldest son is still in with his dad.
Gosh Yknot - when did you get to be so wise? It's as if you were looking right inside my head.
You are right - I will be in exactly the same position this time next year or the year after - still waiting for him to say "I've arranged a trip away - just you and me, so we can talk away from the family," but it never happens - and I know deep down it never will.
As for the emotional affair, if it wasn't for the fact I was suspicious and read his skype messages, it would still have carried on - in other words he didn't stop because he realised he was being disloyal to me - it stopped because he got found out and I stopped it - and that hurt. Had he stopped it himself it woud have meant so much to me, but he didn't. He had skyped her that he could discuss things with her that he couldn't with me. On one of his messages he signed off 'You are my best friend' and that was like a knife. But I was also dealing with a load of other stuff with my sister and spookily enough it was a similar type of thing, but this involved a pioneer sister and my bil. The emailing and phoning/skyping with my husband and college girls carried on for months and each time he promised that it was finished, and the elders came round, gave him a slap on the wrist, and it carried on a shprt while until I threatened to leave. He told me I was getting things out of proportion and she was just doing the same course as he was! They are still doing the same course now (4-year part-time degree course) so he still sees her twice a week - he says they barely talk - how do I know this? It still eats away at me. My sister has completely forgiven her dope of a husband even though things had gone quite 'far' with him and pioneer lady. I have no idea why she wasn't DFd or at least marked - but no! No justice as usual
Anyway, I do love him, but not enough to want to spend the rest of my life with him. I will always make sure he is ok money-wise - I'd never let him want for anything and I'll always be here to help him - basically he is a good man but is just braanwashed and can't see it. I pray one day he will come out and realise I was right about this organisation. I don't want another relationship with another man - never again - I never looked as another man - I always remembers Job's words about making a covenant with your eyes - fat lot of good it did me. Basically I just want peace of mind - I feel I am going insane!
Thanks for caring. And sorry to ramble on and on....
long story - will make it short - i was a jw for 4 years.
hy husband took to it straigt away and has been a jw for 20 years - we were both converted by one of his workmates.
our 4 kids were all baptised jws and thankfully 3 escaped (2 disfellowshipped, one fading) - so my eldest son is still in with his dad.
Flipper,
I always read your posts - thanks for this I understand what you mean - it does seem he is putting an organisation before me, but that's because they leave him no time to spend any of his precious time with me. When can we squeeze it in? He works as a self-employed builder, I work full time in a really stressful job. The WT has arranged it so that divided homes will always be just that - divided. When do we have any time to do anything together? He won't even miss the ministry session at the weekend to go somewhere. I'd have to kick up a huge fuss, scream and shout, throw things about, give him the silent treatment - and then he might miss one Saturday once in a blue moon. But why should I have to go through all this just to get him to spend 4 hours with me on a Saturday once a quarter?
