Hey everybody!
I wrote shortly before about this, and some of you gave me advices, which I really appreciated. But I really need your help again. I'm going to tell you what exactly happened and what I'm thinking to do.
I'm in love with a married guy, Patricio, I met when I was working. For one year he just flirted me like a child. It was funny and exciting and I flirted him too. But not so funny, because I suffered a lot. In a indirect way he tryed to see if I wanted to go out with him. Because he made it sound like a joke, I just followed the play and didn't allow nothing between us. (Well like a jw and with few experiences in love topic, I didn't notice at the beginning what he was trying to do...) I quit to my job (because of other reasons) on may of this year. When he knew I was leaving, I saw him sad and tryed to go up to me, I felt like he wanted to say something. But when I noticed that he began to flirt me again, trying to go up to me, I became sad because I had to leave.
I met this guy two years ago. But one year ago, I noticed that he liked me, and so I started to like him too. One year ago before nothing happened, at lunch and with other collegues, they just made some fun about married stuff. So I said in an ironic way "oh, you cheer me up to marry someone" and Patricio said that in his case the marriage is working good. But after that, and after he started to flirt me, about 8 months later, he was talking to another collegue and suddenly his wife called him. The collegue asked him, why is he so cold to his wife, no words like "darling, love..." and he asked him about how many years is he married, he answered: about 12 (hi's 32 years old, and had a girl in his 12 years old and a boy about 5, he told me he married when he was in the University). So the collegue said to him: "that's why you are like that..." Patricio answered: "Yeah...".
We didn't talk a lot, we just play. One day with other collegues we went out for some drinks. Patricio go up to me many times that day, talking to me, email me and asking me if I would go out with them.
Please imagine this... that was on november last year. I left the org on october, not because of Patricio. Anyway my collegues knew me like a jw. On that time I was in a big crisis, in all sense of my life. And that affect me in a healthy problem too. I had acne before but on that time I decided to treat it in a natural way, leaving a lot of medicin that didn't help me too much. So I began a strict diet. But one day I was deppresed just because Patricio was away from the office for two weeks. So I ate something that was forbidden... after that my face was full of pimples, was horrible. You can't imagine. I made the diet correctly after that, but anyway the damage was there and was hard to cure it. I didn't want that nobody see me, but I had to go to work... I was sorprized that Patricio look at me although my horrible face...
Well, we went out for some drinks, and I went although my acne problems. In fact, I wanted to go, because Patricio would go too... There were like 6 collegues, all men. I felt that Patricio looked at me, but I didn't. I tryed to make up to the group, although I didn't feel part of it, because they used to go out, and didn't invite women all the time, so I didn't know them in that facet. Patricio wasn't really nice to me, I don't know if he expect me to go up to him more or flirt him... I don't know. That made some distance for both of us for some weeks. But the thing started again after a company dinner. I invited my brother and he told me, Patricio was looking at me all the time, although he was with his wife... He's a fun of Pink Floyd and that group came to my country on February, so he bought two tickets (for him and his wife), but he also animated me to go with him. I didn't, of course. Thouse days I went for holidays, and that made me feel new and better. The acne dissapear (it returned when I came back to the office) and I had the nearest sexual experience I ever had. I'm still virgin, but you can imagine what happened... :) That guy helped me a short period to forget Patricio.
After I left the company I worked for, my acne problem dissapear again. Now I'm doing what I really like and I really enjoy it. But I used to think about this guy. I'm fighting with that feelings all the time. I heard all your advices and helped me a lot, because is like a confirmation that what I'm doing is the rigth thing, not only because his family, also for me. But I felt that my body want something different. I don't want to be part to cheat his wife, but sometimes I had thouse dreams that maybe if I could find out if he will leave his wife... I'm dreamer, don't you think? In fact a collegue knew my story, I told her after I left the company. She suggested me to talk with him. I didn't. A month ago I ask her to tell him that I suffered a lot because of him and she had to tell me how he react. At the moment I don't have news. Thouse feelings are keeling me. In the other hand I think that maybe I'm trying to recover experiences I didn't have in my adolescence because I was jw.
Thanks a lot for thouse who had the patient to hear my long story. Please reply me.
Best wishes
Ardilla
