non J.W girl involved with J.w BOY...HELP!!!

by miss_ellie 27 Replies latest jw experiences

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  miss_ellie

  hello everyone!!! well me and my b.f met a year ago through mutual friends at a rock concert in london...we clicked instantly and i was very attracted to him as id never met someone so nice who i got on with that well i liked at the same time

  an over the next few months saw each other a few times but only as friends as we lived on opposite ends of the country....we stayed in touch via text. then the texts gradually faded out. then about feb time i was drunk at a student house party so plucked up the courage to text him...i got no reply for about a week then suddenly a phone call sayin that he had decided to become a J.W(his family are J.W'S but he never followed it.

  so we chatted an it was just like old times....we stayed in regular contact via texts..letters..phonecalls and recently we have been meeting up as he nows lives about an hour and half away from me....on our first meeting he confessed his feelings for me as i did for him and things have just been progressing from their....he seemed just like the same guy i loved when i first met but recently his elders have told him that he cant progress while he is seeing me..even as a friend..he says that he loves me and is willing to be with me but i dunno whether it would be best to end it now and save myself from heartbreak further down the line?

  Anyone who used to follow this religion what will happen if we carry on seeing each other and what really are the beliefs on relationships with a non J.W? I REALLY want to know but all the books he has given me are ridiculously biased and wenever i ask him he just goes funny and avoids the subject!!!

  thanks guys ellie x
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  wanderlustguy

  Just don't do it, really don't. There's at least one of these a week...and have yet to see one work out.

  Save yourself the trouble...and pain.

  WLG
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  Leolaia

  i dunno whether it would be best to end it now and save myself from heartbreak further down the line?

  This probably is the best thing to do. Since your bf has family in the "trooth", he likely is going back to the Witnesses because of pressure placed on him by his family. Until he realizes that the teachings are not true, he cannot commit to a non-Witnesses....particularly after he is baptized. Once that happens, a relationship is possible only if you are converted as well...and he could not leave the religion without being disfellowshipped or disassociated which will cause an even worse relationship with his JW family than in the beginning. JW-non JW relationships are always very difficult because of the rules created by the Society. And since you would be viewed as a lost soul who would die at Armageddon, his family will view you as a "bad association" who will be killed by God at the "conclusion of the system of things" (any day now!) unless you mend your ways and become a Witness too.

  It's all probably not worth the trouble.
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  jgnat

  I am a non-JW woman married to a JW man.

  all the books he has given me are ridiculously biased and wenever i ask him he just goes funny and avoids the subject!!!

  Those books he gave you he is required to believe implicitly, as he is told that they are all God-inspired. All JW's go funny and avoid the subject when cornered. If you did stay with him, he will continue to go funny and avoid the subject. This is the cult personality he has decided to take on, and this is what you would have to live with.

  It is indeed very difficult to stay with someone who believes differently than you do. If you want to get married and have children with this man it gets even more complicated. Your other choice is to join and to believe everything the society writes. If you stay with them long enough, pretty soon you will go funny and avoid the subject when cornered.

  It's all about choices. He sounds like a sweet boy. Why don't you let him go gently, suggest he get his whole religious thing sorted first, and if he ever leaves the JW's to look you up.
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  Fe2O3Girl

  Hi Ellie, welcome to the board.

  If your friend intends to commit to becoming a JW, I would strongly advise you not to get involved. There are many stories of people who have been in a similar situation here:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/77159/1.ashx

  Simply put, he is not supposed to get involved in a relationship with anyone who is not a JW. Even if you were to convert, you would not be allowed to live together or sleep together until you married. Your ulitimate loyalty would have to be to the JW organisation, not to each other. You would never have Christmas, birthdays, or Valentine celebrations. Being a JW means every part of your life is dictated, this is not just weekly church attendance.

  You mentioned that you are going to go to a meeting with him. He is probably justifying his friendship with you to himself and to his congregation on the basis that you are interested in becoming a JW.

  You will save both him and yourself a lot of unhappiness if you call a halt to this as soon as possible. There are lots of lovely, normal single people out there. Move on.

  All the best -

  Rachel
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  Fe2O3Girl

  Just thought I would add some translation for Ellie -

  When we say "the society" or "Society" or "WT" we mean the WatchTower Bible and Tract Society, the legal and administration organisation of JWs which publishes all their books and magazines, and organises conventions and activities.
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  carla

  Run! Save yourself some heartache, find somone else. Read some of the stories here and elsewhere about the lives of jw's. Read also threads from ubm's (unbelieving mates) and see the heartache of marriages and entire families due to loved ones involvement with this cult. Do your homework! best of luck, carla
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  M.J.

  Yes, there are lots of regulars here that have JW spouses. This is no way to live!
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  AuntieJane

  "He goes funny and avoids the subject"...Sorry, hon, but this is typical JW behavior, esp of young men.

  He wants his cake and eat it too but the GUILT he has been laden with by the teachings of the JW cult overpower him.

  He will avoid it as long as he can, he probably really wants to stay with you, but he is guided by Jehobah and a screwed up bunch of followers.

  By the way, Welcome! Stay around and you will learn a lot.

  (run while you can, my daughter was in a relationship like this and the stress she put herself through was horrible)

  AuntieJane
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  DevonMcBride

  You have two good choices.

  Choice 1: Run in the opposite direction and don't get involved

  Choice 2: You can attempt to help him out of this controling and life destroying cult by throwing some doubt into his mind which would involved mucho research not only into the Society's teachings but also researching how mind controling groups and cults work. This choice would be time-consuming and results are less than 50%. I know all about this because I was in a similar situation as yourself. The difference is that my friend and I had a platonic relationship. If you choose to take the time and interest to help him, I suggest reading the book Releasing The Bonds by Steve Hassan.

  Welcome to the forum, BTW