my take... (page 6)

Brummie

On a side note:...STFU

I got a kick outta that...

*muwah*

Brummie

Namasti

teejay--I found your story very touching. Fasinating for me because it reminds me a lot of my childhood as a Witness. Two question I must ask you.

It sound like you grew up in the Bedfort Sti area in Brooklyn NY. Did you? Many of the Brothers and Sisters you mentioned sound like familier names to me. Would love to know.

2nd thing: One thing I see so differently from you is that I feared death much, much more as a JW. I always asked-- now if we die and we are only in Gods memory that means when he brings someone back it will be someone that looks, talks, acts like me, but how could it really be me if I am only in a memory. That concept was never really comforting to me. ON the other hand, when I left and started studying other concepts and considered the possiblity that we are eternal beings--won't go into what has taken me years to realize and expereince in my ever-evolving belief system-- but I feel much more comfort and fearlessness about death than when I was a Witness.

Would love to hear from you

Namasti

Incense_and_Peppermints

There are WAY to many what ifs in my life to ever think again that growing up in that insane envirement was good.I would have rather anything else.The way I was raised in that organization was completely wrong.It has only caused confusion and hurt along the way.Just my circumstances I guess.

not just yours, Stopthepain - i can't find anything good either...unless you consider the few, rare social gatherings good... and the fact that i always beat everyone else when "the bible" is one of the Jeopardy categories. even those were supervised, and every movement and action constantly scrutinized by some ever watchful brother or sister. as a survivor of abuse and shame, it bothers me when someone tells me my experience "wasn't that bad", or worse, that i exaggerate the truth of what happened to me. i wasn't allowed to go to high school. i asked to be home-schooled, but was told i would "just marry a brother in a few years" and didn't need it. instead i was a convenient baby-sitter, housekeeper and cook. i couldn't even escape this loneliness, shame and anguish through fantasy, because i was told Jehovah could read my mind and knew every thought. even my own mind didn't belong to me. the past is the past, and painting it with pretty colors isn?t going to enable you to get past it - what enables you to get past it is to acknowledge it for exactly what it was, accept it and move on. you can whitewash a rickety old fence all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that underneath all that clean, new whiteness, there's still a rickety old fence. some people had it worse than me; some better... but it's not for me to trivialize another person's experience, and to do so is arrogant, it seems to me. only they know how it affected them, and their pain is profound to them, even if it isn't to you. acknowledging the past for exactly what it was doesn't mean you stay stuck in the past - it just means you accept it for what it was, instead of denying it. after therapy and introspection, i realized my parents, especially my mother, were human, with frailties and weaknesses, which caused them to do what they did to us. but i never altered my knowledge and memory of the abuse inflicted upon me, and i won't because in doing so you are in fact changing the truth, and dishonoring yourself, because it?s something you survived.

the witnesses didn't make me a good public speaker - they made me shy and ashamed because i didn't fit in the larger circle of the world, but only in the tiny one of theirs. it was only when i came of age and broadened my horizons that i was able to begin healing the damage done to me. i met people who allowed me to tell what happened without judging me or making fun of me, and who opened up a whole new world of experiences. i had to learn assertiveness skills, real public speaking (at school (communications and public speaking classes) and at work (Toastmasters)), and build confidence in myself; something i had never had before. Unlike normal people who just have to learn life skills, I had to learn them AND learn how to overcome phobias, panic attacks, and self-doubt. even now, i feel some of the old fears creep in, but i use the skills i learned and push them away from me. I am confident that my life would have been a thousand times better if I had never been a part of the Jehovah?s Witnesses.

i don't think you're a crybaby. not at all. luv, j

TMS

ok, teejay

Examples of genuine human spirit permeate the JW landscape. I
recently discovered on the internet the obituary of Larry Ranch, the
first congregation overseer I remember who was not my pedophile
father. Larry made everyone around him feel like they had special
gifts. He de-emphasized himself unlike any other JW shepherd I
ever interacted with. The self-esteem I carried into life, despite my
dysfunctional family, was in large measure due to him.

But can't examples of human nobility be found in Dachau, the ghetto,
the convent, the '93 Chicago Bulls and all the whistleblowers, para-
medics, father figures, nurturers, philanthropists and single mothers
throughout history?

Did we have to live a lie? Couldn't we at least have had our shot at
the real world?

Just over a year ago, I attended my retirement party. I was comple-
mented on a "wonderful" career after thirty years spent in the same
entry level job I started with, while I eschewed promotion, attended
assemblies, pioneered and stifled any natural ambition that surfaced.

Do you know what hurts me the most, teejay? I passed the same lie
on to my only son and crushed his potential just as mine had been
crushed.

tms

boa

Shit TMS...your post really really tugged on my heart....sighhhh

Aweful horrific 'religion'....

boa...

Incense_and_Peppermints

Couldn't we at least have had our shot at
the real world?
Just over a year ago, I attended my retirement party. I was comple-
mented on a "wonderful" career after thirty years spent in the same
entry level job I started with, while I eschewed promotion, attended
assemblies, pioneered and stifled any natural ambition that surfaced.
Do you know what hurts me the most, teejay? I passed the same lie
on to my only son and crushed his potential just as mine had been

i always feel, when reading posts like this, that anything i say would be horribly inadequate, so i remain silent. but i found myself coming back tonight several times to read this, so i know it touched me, i think because of my own dashed hopes and missed opportunities, and your comments about your son. so i'll just tell you that i feel like weeping, and that your post is one of the most eloquent and touching ones i have ever read.

outbutnotdown

I have only read teejay's original post, the couple following it and I&P's last one. () I will read more tomorrow but I did want to say that I have no regrets in being raised a JW, only because I had no freakin' choice and to want to change the past would be silly and pointless. However I am also fully aware that NOT being a JW is A LOT better.

I am wise enough to realize that I cannot change my past. I take my quirky, sometimes dysfunctional JW influenced spirit and make the best of it. But I have also learned that to completely avoid abusive situations, people and organizations is a BETTER way to go.

Brad (my 2 cents so far..... )

Englishman

I was fortunate enough to have very caring parents, particularly my Dad who was very much a "man's man" and as such received my unstinted admiration. He would make amazing toys for me as a youngster, taught me to play football and even managed to get me a seat next to the pilot on a flight in a DC3 from Glasgow to London. (That's a Dakota to you Brits!).

That all came to an abrupt end when I was around 9 years old. He became so immersed in WT stuff, taking Bible studies most nights and attending meetings the rest of the time that I just stopped seeing him as my Dad, and instead saw him as my PO. I felt the loss deeply and once caused outrage by yelling that "I hated being in the truth".

I resisted WT teachings for most of my life, apart from a vulnerable time "window" in my early teens when the drip drip drip of Brooklynese filled up my mind so much that I became tormented with feelings of guilt and inadequacy. But, this negative stuff emanated mainly from dubdom itself, not from my parents.

I do have some fond memories of my life in the JW's. Occasionally, though, I get into conversations with witnesses I knew from years back, and it becomes all too clear that they haven't moved on at all in anything. They are stuck in a mire of poor emotional intelligence that is the inevitable result of a lifetime of never being able to make a decision fror oneself and having all the answers (and the questions!) supplied for them.

Excellent post by the way TJ.

Englishman.

under74

Very good and thought provoking post teejay.

It's something I've been thinking about a lot. I regret certain things about being brought up a JW but I don't regret being brought up a JW on the whole. Not that I can come up with many positive experiences, it's more like having been though it is part of who I am--just as growing up poor isn't something I'm fond of remembering but it's part of me.

I would say some of things I can come up with about being brought up a JW I'm generally confused about...or trying to find a medium for. An example being my skepticism towards government...or most authority for that matter. I'm glad I'm a skeptic and not willing to trust people just because they're in power. But I'm confused in that I don't know how much comes from being raised JW and how much comes from feeling the world was screwing over my family when we were at our lowest (financially) I also don't feel it's right for me to assume the worst from all politicians because after all they are human....well this is just a little of what I've been trying to work out in my own head.

Golf

TJ, great story! I'll PM youlater. Nothing to fear but fear itself!

my take...

Share this