I've had MANY "exemplary" elders act like assholes
Who says they're "acting?" Way too many of 'em perceive that to be their job. I say this from experience, having been one for more than 20 years (elder, not asshole...I hope).
Dubs who shun those not DFed/DAed who fade
by gumby 46 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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willyloman
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New Castles
Gumby,
Its do as I do. The elders are nice enough with you personally, but make it a point to not invite you to social gatherings, outings etc. Your no longer welcome at the weddings or graduations....and if they are brothers present they point out the danger of associating with those spiritually weak. Once the brothers notice you fading, and dont see you at the social gatherings, then you are not a good association.
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Sunspot
I think a lot of this behavior is due to being paranoid about breaking the unwritten rules.
When two of my boys had graduated and moved back to our old area, they were shunned by just about everyone (JWs) simply because nobody actually KNEW what their "status" was and were afraid to ASK them!
Afraid of talking to DFed or DAed people (which they weren't---they were never baptized). There is also a stronger urgency than before---to not have any dealings with those wo are not baptized and in good standing!
hugs,
Annie
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the mole
i had no choice but to fade...my family all being members is really hard just to stand up and give'm the finger. slowly many of them are questioning the org and their stand. some stuff on tv and news paper stuff is creating alot of doubt. Even my own grandmother is wondering where who new kingdom is? she keeps saying that she was told she would never die and has been waiting. i have been shunned since its clear to my family i will not return. i posted several times my dad and mom now refuse to attend. They in turn are being shunned also by my family and sister...if you have noticed my apostate preaching is being done to shore up the org from the major losses they are feeling these last few years..
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cyber-sista
As an active fader this past year I have recieved mixed reactions.When I encounter some they look at me with pathetic puppy dog eyes and say "we miss you at meetings." Some are friendly, but guarded. Nobody calls to see how I am, mostly I am invisible. To the Org fading means fading away into invisibility. Some act very uncomfortable and try to not make eye contact or act as if they don't see me when we run into each other. I smiled and waved at one sister one day who was walking in front me (sun in her eyes)--she smiled and waved back, but then when she saw it was me she got a pained expression on her face and quickly turned away. The last time I talked to one old time JW friend not living in the area she very pointedly asked me if I was attending meetings and then freaked out on me. "meetings and field service are not optional in serving Jehovah" she said--she felt their were no excuses whatsoever that should keep you away from the meetings (even though I tried to tell her I was hurting because of what had happened to me and others in the congo) She hung up shortly thereafter and rather in a huff with no sympathy whatsoever. My closest friend and confidant wrote me a goodbye letter telling me if I did leave for a while to not throw away the key to the truth, so I would be able to come back someday. She totally stopped communicating with me after that--after almost daily communication for several years. My own JW sister avoids contact with me--except for an occasional email extolling the virtues of JWism, but no phonecalls. AND I have done nothing wrong--I have commited no WT sin. I think the Org is getting more paranoid about those weak ones going apostate now that there is a stronger push to cut them off. It is hard to believe that my life is of so little concern to these people--I shared years with some of them and now it's over just like that just because I am not going to meetings. I admit it hurts, but I shall carry on. I have old friends who are not JWs and I am meeting some great new friends too. It is all rather surreal at times and it bothers me that people who belong to this Org can emotionally detatch themselves like this--I was a good friend to many, but I found out the mediator to JW friendships is the Organization--They are the parent that says "you can't play with so-in-so anymore because we no longer think they are good association for you."
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Purza
When I beginning the fade I would go to about one meeting a month. Sometimes I was mobbed by my "friends" and other times I just snuck out the door as fast as I could. My closests "friends" would come by my house and ask how I was doing. I would tell them I am depressed, etc. Then I just stopped going altogether. I know rumors circulated about me because I had JWs living near me that could see the comings and goings at my place of residence which included my new boyfriend. They judged me (and talked about me) without even confronting me (aren't you supposed to do that to help save your brother?). There are some out there that shun me and others that don't -- I guess it just depends on their level of "spirituality" (sarcasm intended).
Purza
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gumby
I think Sunspot made a good point....along with all you others.
She mentioned many witnesses aren't to chummy with dubs who have become like strangers and the witnesses not knowing if their "status" for the reason. This is true in this particular situation but not all. Some have said they only go to meetings periodically and so the treatment would be different as ones would know they at least are not DFed/DAed.
Much of the reason dubs shun those who fade is because of what has been published in the articles time after time about those who do not appreciate spiritual things, are selfish or materialistic, are lazy, are worldly minded and hedonistic, or simply do not love Jehovah enough.
When witnesses read this over and over, then they see a publisher fade off, they tie these elements just mentioned into that persons character ,and make judgment calls on them as 'bad association'.
I think another reason is the faders attitude they have they many times cannot hide. While they were fading yet still attending meetings, their "aura", their attitude, their persona, or whatever, changed ....and the publishers noticed. Red flags went up when the fader didn't come back, and now the fader is 'labled' by those who were aquainted with them.
Gumby
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gumby
Gumby
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SheilaM
Thunder and I don't hear the "gossip" so we have no idea what people know, think etc. I really don't give a rats crap what they think. I know they run from Thunder in Home Depot and I glare at them in Starbucks, but so far no info on what they have done if anything.
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Xena
I think the way my sisters reason it is that since I don't go to meetings I MUST have done something worth d/fing by now.....I mean how can you not commit some kind of "sin" if you disconnect yourself from the WT teat? So they have decided that the few hours a year they might spend with me would contaminate them and have d/fed me in their "hearts" until the brothers can find an actual reason do to it from the platform.