I have not shared my "story" with you yet.....I will give you the just of it right now, and go into further detail later.
I was baptized three months ago. I started having doubts right away. I am currently inactive and have no plans to return. I am trying to do a slow fade because of business contacts. DF or DA would disrupt that business relationship. I will go into my doubts about the WT in a later Posting.
Right now I need your help. I am currently studying with an elder about my doubts. We have been conversing through e-mail. This first letter is one I sent him recently. I am sorry this post is so long....
Dear __________,
I have not had much time to meditate on the message you sent me. I thought I would share a few responses that I do have right now, though.
It seems that you feel I am trying to stop serving Jehovah, or that I want to leave Jehovah, and no longer have him in my life. I apologize if my actions speak this way, but that is not true. I see many benefits with having a personal relationship with god. However, we may differ on the context of that relationship, or what is required to have that relationship.
My doubts that I am currently having are not in my relationship with Jehovah, or his Loving son Christ Jesus. I am not trying to be part of the world or desire the "flesh of the world". It seems that I have been taking information that has been handed to me for granted. I have not been researching these topics and teachings all along the way. I should have. That was my responsibility. I am the one who needs to decide if what I am told is truth or not. You said in your second letter to me, "it is a good, logical step when making decisions to consider all the factors." That is what I am doing. I appreciate the insight you have provided me. I do consider you a man with an abundance of biblical knowledge. I do not disrespect that fact. But I remember what you said last week about the historians. I asked how 600 historians could be wrong. You said that if they all used the same source, and that source was wrong, they would all be wrong. I can learn the same things you have been taught, using the same books, written by the same people, and I will know what you know. I would be very honored to have the knowledge that you have. But, I need my own knowledge. That is what this is all about. I can't believe everything that is said to me anymore without first extensively researching it. I do trust you; I know that you would never intentionally mislead me, or any one else. You have a great desire to share the truth with everyone, as I do, but I need to "make the truth my own." You said that the apostate sites (that you assume I have been visiting) are full of "empty accusations". If this is so, then what is the concern? As I have previously stated, I can no longer accept anything, FROM ANYONE, with out first researching it myself. You gave me that advice before. That is all I am trying to do now. If I were to come across an "empty accusation" from an apostate, I would have to research it to see if there is any truth. If not, then there is no concern. You asked me to come to you with any questions about things I do not understand, and I will do that.
Brian, you cited 1 Corinthians 10:13 in your letter. The B part of that verse caught my attention, "but along with the temptation he will also make the way out in order for you to be able to endure it."
I am not leaving Jehovah, and I have faith that he will not leave me.
You talked about being no part of the world. Are you considering me part of the world because I have not been attending meetings? I do not feel that I am being "worldly". I have studied more in the last month than I have in the whole last year. I have read, and understood more from the bible, things I can apply to MY life, than I have in a long time. Maybe it is because I am reading from a critical point of view, I don't know. All I know right now is that I am not throwing God out of my life, and I have an incredible thirst for knowledge.
Please know, I am not trying to do anything that would be considered as hostile towards the congregation, or any of its members. I do not desire to be disfellowshiped for any of my actions. I am just trying to resolve some concerns and questions that I have. Yet, I understand that as an elder, you have to do what you have to do. I already feel that I have been "shunned" by some for having concerns. I do not need to mention any names, but it is quite evident.
I appreciate your insight on these issues. You have been a wonderful help to me and a wonderful friend. So many friendships are conditional these days. I just want to let you know that I value yours. I can provide more scriptural responses later. I just thought I would send this for now.
Thank you for your help, and for being concerned about me.
This is the response I received this morning.......
-The email just tried to clarify a few things in our discussion..... but it would probably be nicer to talk about them in person. It seems that in email the correct feelings & intent does not always get expressed. I am hesitant to write by email... for concern of just offending you more & more. I really am not trying to do that.
Here is one item that I made mention of:
Regarding 1 Tim 2:5,6, the mediator. Before I can reply I need to know a few things. Do you believe that some people will live forever on the earth? Do you believe that others go to heaven to rule as kings & priests with Christ?
As an additional point.... this whole thing has kind of shocked me. Are you willing to get together any days besides Monday for 1 hour? I will meet with your friend as well if you want.
-Just for my peace of mind, please remember:
I always encouraged you to be like the Beroeans in Acts Ch. 17. They checked what Paul said with the scriptures - then followed through. The Beroeans were "more noble-minded" than those in Thesolonica that just accepted every teacher that came through town. I really believed that you were checking the scriptures like the Beroeans. I would never have encouraged you to dedicate your life to Jehovah if I thought you were just following me.
I never told you to accept it because I said so.
I encouraged you to read the Bible.
I encouraged you to compare Bible translations.
I showed you EVERYTHING from the Bible.
As I said... I am very distressed over this situation. I am very sorry if you made decisions because of following man. I truly thought that I was building you up on the foundation of Christ. (1 Cor. Ch 3)
I did not learn what I shared with you on my own, or 'from the books I
have'. Christs congregation taught me the truth. Again.. for my peace of mind. If the above statement is not true, please let
me know. I am in anguish about this situation.
For my understanding please let me know how you feel about the following doctrinal teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses:
1) No Trinity
2) No immortal soul
3) No eternal torment
4) No predestination
5) God's name is Jehovah
6) Christ is the head of a unified Christian Congregation
7) God's Kingdom is a heavenly government
8) Christ is overseeing the global preaching work for a witness to all
nations before the end comes
Now.... I am not asking this to offend you. If you still hold to these Bible truths, GREAT! If you do.... then please have appreciation for the global organization that Jehovah is using to teach mankind these truths.. freeing them from Babylonish captivity. There does not exist another global educational program like ours that brings these teachings to mankind. Do you still agree with this?
If you disagree with any of these teachings, then we could review them if you want to.
Sincerely,
_________
It is obvious that he did not read my letter nery closely, but any input you would have would be wonderful.
Please note, I have no desire to be a JW anymore.
Open_Mind