Some of the the pre Christian writers never took the bible stories literally but knew they were only allegorical tales that had a message to them. It was the latter Christians that interpreted the bible as to be taken literally word for word.
Will
Yet another example of how silly the Bible is...
by Abaddon 82 Replies latest watchtower bible
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stillajwexelder
Are you telling me an all-wise, all-knowing god isn't capable of better planning than that? Which strikes you as more likely? That god is a malicious sod, or that god isn't very good at planning things, or that the story in the Bible was made up by someone
AGAIN -- please refer to a thread started by me afew days ago -- read the book "Who Wrote the Bible" by Friedman -- tells you who added the creation /Noah story -- also another book more scientific on The Flood - GIVES ARCHEOLOGICAL EVIDENCE AROUND the black sea -- When I remeber the excat title and author I will post it o na sepearte thread
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Reborn2002
I'll be honest... this thread made me laugh.
When a person really takes the time to look at the Bible with unbiased eyes, you see just how illogical and foolish it is.
Let's see, an Almighty God authors the Bible, but does not leave an adequate instruction manual for his creation to interpret it properly, and instead leaves it to the imperfect people he made to fight amongst one another over what is correct? Makes sense. But then again God is love.
The same book should be taken literally in some portions, and figuratively in others? Riiiight. The excuses people make for God and his book never cease to amaze me.
Then again I suppose that matters on which God you believe in. Is it Jehovah? Allah? Buddha? Krishna? Ra? Vishnu?
A moron with a 2nd grade education is more capable of making an instruction manual for a lawnmower that is coherent for others to follow. Yet an omnipotent, omniscient being cannot or willfully does not do so. Go figure.
Let's have a look at Christianity. As obiwan stated, following Christianity's teachings, the whole world is in a pile of shit because a slithering, talking snake told a naked woman in a garden not to eat a piece of fruit from a tree. BILLIONS have died because of this. Now think about the implications of that for a moment. As a parent, if you are cooking in your kitchen, and your child reaches for the hot stove, and you scold them and tell them not to touch it, but they do so anyway and burn their hand, do you subsequently PUNISH and SENTENCE TO IMPERFECTION AND DEATH EVERY GENERATION THEREAFTER? This is the compassion your loving God possesses?
God is allegedly all-powerful yet sits by idly while possessing the ability to intervene in world affairs and instead lets people suffer and die?
If that is the God you worship who allows children to die and innocent people to suffer while sitting by idly.. then I say OBSCENITY DELETED your God.
He is a pretty big hypocrite anyway.
Thou shall not kill + sends an Angel of Death to smite 185,000 in one night + destroys women and children of unbelievers = BLATANT CONTRADICTION
Anyway, it was good for a laugh. I am an atheist, I expect the Bible-thumping fundamentalists to get riled and reply anytime now.
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RunningMan
Here is the real problem with the flood story, as written by a great humorist and philosopher - me:
The initial act that started the chain of events regarding the flood, is described by the following bible verses:
“Now it came about that when men started to grow in numbers on the surface of the ground and daughters were born to them, the sons of the true God began to notice the daughters of men, that they were good looking; and they went taking wives for themselves, namely all whom they chose.” - Genesis 6:1,2 (NWT)
Within the next three verses, things deteriorated so much that the only reasonable act for a loving God would be to murder all life. It seems a little odd to me that the angels who started all of this escaped back to heaven, but the humans, who were only secondary to the story, and the animals, who didn’t know what the hell was going on, were executed.
The key point here, is that the event that kicked off the flood was the desire of angels to mate with humans.
In other words, the angels got horny. Now, this has some interesting implications. From this story, and a few other Bible references, we can build an interesting picture of the nature of heaven.
The sex drive in humans and animals is caused by chemicals that are produced in the body. In fact, a person’s sex drive can be eliminated or changed through surgery and hormone therapy. The point of the matter is that, without these chemicals, there is no sex drive.
At this point, we must pause a moment to consider the nature of angels. According to the Bible, angels are direct creations of God. They do not reproduce. As well, they do not have the inherited original sin of Adam and Eve to taint them. They are perfect. This does not mean that they are incapable of sin. It merely means that they are incapable of accidental sin. If an angel sins, it is because he meant it. It also means that if an angel feels sexual desire, it must have been placed there by his creator.
In order for an angel to become inflamed with lust for a human woman, it would be necessary for the angel to have a sex drive of some sort. If they were completely neuter in every way, they would find human women about as attractive as we find rocks. For this story to function, God must have created angels with sex drives.
Conclusion # 1: Angels are created with a sex drive.
Now that we have established this unusual fact, let’s continue. Notice that the Bible says that the angels found human women attractive, and they took on the bodies of men. Also, notice that it does not say that any of them found human men attractive, and none of them took on the bodies of women. This leads us inescapably to our next conclusion.
Conclusion # 2: All angels are men.
Some of you may be tempted to jump ahead of me, but let’s go slow, and develop this carefully. Our next area of inquiry is regarding the possibility of angelic reproduction.
Jesus gives us some insight into the nature of angelic interrelationships:
“For in the resurrection, neither do men marry, nor are women given in marriage, but are as the angels in heaven.” - Matthew 22:30 (NWT)
In addition to this direct statement, we note that there is no reference anywhere in the Bible to female angels, angelic marriage, or angelic reproduction of any sort. This leads us to our next conclusion:
Conclusion # 3: Angels have no natural outlet for their sexual urges.
Finally, I must add some information regarding the quantities of angels.
The book of Daniel makes reference to “ten thousand times ten thousand” standing before God. A quick multiplication shows that there are one hundred million angels present in this scene, and there may be others as well.
Also, angels have been in existence for a long time. The Bible says that God rested after creating Adam and Eve, so any angels that exist must have been created before them; therefore, angels are ancient.
Conclusion # 4: There are lots and lots of angels and they have a lot of time
on their hands
Now, for the slower ones among us, who have not yet figured out what I am getting at, let’s put all four conclusions together, and finish this off:
Ÿ Angels are created with a sex drive
Ÿ All angels are men
Ÿ Angels have no natural outlet for their sexual urges
Ÿ There are lots and lots of angels, with lots and lots of time
With this logic in mind, we can deduce that heaven must be like a huge prison shower room. I suppose that there are some people who have always had this concept of heaven, or at least hoped for it, but you will have to admit that this is not the mainstream viewpoint. If it were, the Cistine Chapel would be restricted to adults only.
I think it’s safe to say that this exercise illustrates just how ridiculous is the story of the flood. These conclusions, although absurd, are the natural outgrowth of the story, itself. In order for the events of the flood to get off the ground, this must be true.
So, choose for yourself: either heaven is a massive San Francisco bath house, or the story of the flood is just another yarn.
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StinkyPantz
RunningMan-
Excellent post but I disagree with your 2nd conclusion:
Now that we have established this unusual fact, let’s continue. Notice that the Bible says that the angels found human women attractive, and they took on the bodies of men. Also, notice that it does not say that any of them found human men attractive, and none of them took on the bodies of women. This leads us inescapably to our next conclusion.
Conclusion # 2: All angels are men.
Your conclusion leaves out the possibility that the female angels (if any existed) didn't want the human men and that is why none of them were mentioned.
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RunningMan
No female angels are depicted in the Bible or spoken of. In Genesis, God says, "Let us make men in our image". So, most people assume that all angels are men.
Even if there are women angels, it doesn't change the thread of the logic. Only the male angels are inflamed with lust toward human females, so the female angels (if there are any), must be pretty satisfied, leaving only the male angels with unrequited lust. So, it goes in the same direction.
Either that, or female angels are all lesbians.
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Satanus
Running
So, bible angels have testosterone? That is funny. From where did they get it? From the bible god, obviously. God has testosterone? That's even funnier.
SS
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shotgun
Very Good runningman..... I have discussed this with danceswithwolves and he believes in a waterworld....LOL
Your post made excellent sense! RM
Obiwan I think I saw Shamus catching some big air off of the anomoly in the picture you posted.
Abaddon....It never made sense to me that in a mere 120 years after the flood 8 people were able to have spawned entire nations and cities again to the point where Nimrod incited them to revolt and God had to step in again. Even if they got it on like rabbits it does not add up.
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StinkyPantz
RM-
Even if there are women angels, it doesn't change the thread of the logic.
It sure doesn't, I was just pointing out a possible flaw/error in reasoning.
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drwtsn32
Reborn: Good post!