A Gentle Reminder

by COMF 56 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  OrbitingTheSun

  Complicated yes, but if the parameters are set from the very start, how can one argue?

  I wouldn’t argue about his lifestyle. I just thought it was oversimplified to compare people to food. His relationship with breakfast food is one-way. It is only about what he wants for breakfast. His relationship with women is two-way and much more complicated.

  COMF is trying to be upfront. If he knows that he cannot or will not settle down with one woman, at least he has the decency to let that be known.

  Rather that than the many men who do so without informing their partners.

  Should he instead be untrue to himself?

  Of course not. Not for a woman or any other reason.
• 

  COMF

  It is only about what he wants

  It is only, as I pointed out, an illustration to make a point. Did you read on past that point, Orbit? Did you, for example, read this?

  "And so I can say of a partner who spends time also with other men, that when she is not with me, what she does is none of my business."

  I will tell you folks who are saying women want commitment simply because they're women... you obviously haven't known the same women I have. My experience indicates this interest in polyamory is spread widely across both genders.
• 

  teejay

  >>>> I think that women often believe that once a man is in a relationship with THEM he'll want to make it monogamous. -- Panda
  
  I thought it was in that same thread--I guess it was some other one--but I said the same thing to COMF once about this palomorious (sp) type of relationship.
  
  Both sides may go into it with every intention of keeping things open and free and unattached, but people aren't bagels and bacon, and when feelings get started you can't turn them off like a light switch. And don't think I'm talking only about the woman whose feelings become different than what they were at the outset. It's been known for men to become emotionally attached to the object of their affection, also.
• 

  COMF

  people aren't bagels and bacon

  You guys are really having a tough time understanding the limited application of that illustration, aren't you. I thought you were sharper than this.
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  OrbitingTheSun

  Yes, COMF, I read your whole post. I have nothing negative to say about polyamorous relationships. My concern is not about the possibility of someone getting hurt--for it is just as high in a monogamous relationship. (I suspect most of us have experienced heartache even though we have not experienced polyamory, yes?) My point is just that the more people involved the more careful one must be. But as you said, you are an adult and conscious of the responsibility involved, so happy heart handlin'.
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  Robdar

  As long as everything is upfront and open, there shouldn't be a problem when it comes to polyamorous relationships. Unfortunately though, sometimes people do get attached and get hurt. I have seen it from both sexes.
  

  The problem, in my opinion, is when one of the partners, who has been informed from the very beginning as to what sort of relationship it is, tries to kid her/himself into thinking that the relationship is something more than fun only. If they get hurt, who's fault is it?

  Robyn
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  COMF

  Thanks, Orbit. Actually, I don't handle hearts. Each person handles his/her own heart, whether conscious of the fact or not.

  I can't improve on Kahlil Gibran's take on the matter:

  Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
  And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
  Love one another but make not a bond of love:
  Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
  Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
  Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
  Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
  
  Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
  For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
  And stand together, yet not too near together:
  For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
  
  And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
• 

  SixofNine

  Polly's not amorous to me
• 

  StinkyPantz

  Six-

  I am.
• 

  OrbitingTheSun

  I'm not polyamorous, but polyamorous sounds better than "monogamous." I want an amorous title, too. Can I be "superamorous"?

  P.S. To prove my qualification for this title I would like to say that I love each and every one of you in a super way.