Sister may have had a slight heart attack, do I text her?

by Xanthippe 63 Replies latest jw friends

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  jp1692

  My intuitive, immediate response is: Of course! Absolutely. But then I read this:

  I don't know, I'm always trying to second guess them instead of trying to be human and 'normal'. Probably because all my attempts to be human and normal have failed over and over again.

  JW's are so good at framing the situation that no matter what we do, it's wrong--at least from their perspective.

  That being said, my thoughts are this: do the right thing, the thing that makes YOU feel good: your normal.

  Perhaps a card or a letter would be more personal than a text. I'm kind of old fashioned that way.
  

  Sorry about your sister. This cult ruins so many things. You care, that's evident. Don't let their bad, dysfunctional behavior define you. You are an amazing, sensitive and caring person.

  Although I understand what other posters have written about the futility and dangers of "chasing a relationship" with people that have treated us badly, I have another perspective on that. Letting your sister know that--in spite of how she has mistreated you--you still care. That's all. It's just letting her know you care. Nothing more, nothing less.
  

  jp
  
• 

  compound complex

  It may seem a bit over the top, but a disassociated friend, friendly and warm, would overlook a JW former friend's attempt to avoid him; and he'd chat away like everything was normal and close with an "I love you."

  He meant it, too.
• 

  steve2

  How is she likely to perceive your text?

  You have a clue from a few years ago when you phoned after texting because she hadn’t texted you back. She said it felt like you were trying to get at her.

  It raises the question about why ex-JWs try to be seen as caring in the face of JWs indifference? Is it to prove to ourselves that we are morally better than them?

  Ultimately you will decide one way or another. She’s your sister.

  Just make sure you’re not keeping a ledger of all the times you reach out and are shunned.
• 

  Pete Zahut

  Sister may have had a slight heart attack, do I text her?

  It's never wrong to err on the side of kindness and besides, I have found with relatives that it blows them away when you give them the impression that you had no idea that they were even shunning you. It sort of spoils it for them when you seem perplexed as to notion that anything unusual in your relationship was happening. They like it when they know their efforts are bothering you so there's nothing worse for them than finding out that the person they were ignoring, didn't even notice.
  

  Being an older person, it may seem more heartfelt to your Sister if your were to send an "old school" greeting card with a short hand written note, rather than sending a text message which may seem a bit modern and cold or might seem to imply the need for an immediate response from her, in kind.

  A card with a nice poem or message and a brief note in your own handwriting that she can read while she is recuperating, will seem more personal. You could include a photo or two of you and your daughter and put your return mailing address on the top left side of the envelope as you usually would but you could also include your phone number in that location rather than in the card, so it won't seem as if you are expecting her to contact you but it's there if she ever want's to.

  (It's amazing what lengths one has to go through just to contact a JW relative)
  
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  jp1692

  Steve: It raises the question about why ex-JWs try to be seen as caring in the face of JWs indifference?

  Well, "trying to be seen as caring" would be wrong.

  But the problem is many of us genuinely DO CARE and LOVE or family members still in the cult. The problem is that when we do what normal people do we are rebuffed and made to feel like we are wrong simply because we don't share their beliefs.

  What we get from our "still-in" loved ones is not "indifference," it's abusive mistreatment, attempts at control and guilt.
  
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  smiddy3

  Use theocratic warfare to your advantage Rom.12:20-21 this scripture with the comments below should move your sisters heart if she still has one.

  Letting your sister know that--in spite of how she has mistreated you--you still care. That's all. It's just letting her know you care. Nothing more, nothing less.

  my thoughts are this: do the right thing, the thing that makes YOU feel good: your normal.

  I think these posters have summed it up nicely
  
  
  
• 

  Crazyguy

  No. These people act like you don’t exist when you leave their cult so why act like they do!
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  Xanthippe

  Thanks for your kind thoughts about me jp, l won't let her attitude define me. Just let her know I care, nothing more, nothing less. Yes that's what I'd like to do.

  Steve2 I'm really not trying to prove I'm morally better than my sister. I have just become so confused over the years as to how to treat people wrapped up in this cult that I am asking the guys on here for help. To explain the situation you have to give a little back story, I'm not keeping a ledger. Memory is tied up with emotion and hurtful things just stay in our memory, it's not intentional. It is normal to care about people you share parents with, people you spent your childhood with. Why don't you as a mental health professional know these things?

  Pete, thanks, I like your idea to show that you didn't realise you're being shunned and just act normally. Yes that must really confuse them. Good idea to send a card. You and jp have both suggested that. I'll think about that.

  Crazyguy, why act like I exist? Because I do!!
• 

  WingCommander

  If she wanted you to know about her health or medical conditions, SHE would contact YOU. She doesn't, so therefore it's none of your business and doesn't warrant any sort of contact whatsoever.

  When people show you how they are, believe them. She's shown herself as a judgmental ASS, so damn sure believe that's what she is.

  And yeah, I've been there with in-laws (non-JW's) who were manipulative narcissists. You get to the point where you say, "I've had enough of this shit! Good luck with all that!", and then promptly exit - FOREVER.

  Contacting this heartless wench will only end in pain for YOU. Somehow, someway, they'll use it to poke at you and make you feel like a subhuman being. Been there, done that.
  
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  snare&racket

  Just do what a normal sister would do.

  Call.

  Don't play their games by their rules, because it’s all make belief.