Stupidest thing a JW ever told you

by Nosferatu 193 Replies latest jw friends

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  AlanB

  That satan went back in time to place the fossil record in all the newly forming rocks so that they would mess up the radio carbon dating to make people think that the earth was older than it really was.

  Flaw in the arguement being that if a creative day was 7000 years, satan would have had to repeat this process several thousand times to have made up for the billions of years difference.

  Even as a brainwashed 11 year old with an unhealthy interest in science I found this one difficult to swallow.

  ===

  Then there was the story during the 'spiritualism' paranoia of the 70's.

  A sister in an undisclosed location bought a coat from a second hand shop. For weeks afterwards she would hear satanic voices at night. In the end the elders were called in and identified the coat as the offending source of the demonic possession. They took the item into the garden to burn it. When the coat crawled out of the fire screeming.

  I was only 7 at the time I heard this and had nightmares for months.
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  obiwan

  My father said to me, " You don't need to go to school, you won't need it in the new order". New order my ass!
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  Utopian Reformist

  I was in a barber shop during my pioneering days, and a brother told a story that revealed the reason why so many youths were "falling" out of the "truth". He explained that during the flood, Jehovah had really dealt Satan a cruel blow by killing off his hybrid children known as the Nephilim. Satan has never gotten over it and has been directly attacking the youth in God's organization and concentrating his efforts on them for revenge.
  
  I can't believe I used to repeat that garbage at gatherings. Thank God I never mentioned it to someone sane (worldly) outside of the borg.
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  Frannie Banannie

  One time, Brother Anal Retentive of the Heinous A** Congregation told me to be careful about having association with a young sister who was grieving over the very recent loss of her hubby in an accident, as she was too emotional and yadda, yadda, yadda.....

  Frannie B
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  rocketman

  “Shooting the Pipes” became pioneer-speak for any idiotic opinion expressed by an Elder or his wife.

  I love it Duncan, great story!!.....I'll have to remember that phrase!
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  95stormfront

  " You don't need to go to school, you won't need it in the new order".

  My wife pulled that one on me. At the time I was basically fliping burgers for a living. If I had listened to that crap........
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  rocketman

  Here's mine:

  A few years ago at a Circuit Assembly, an elder was giving a talk on Lamentations from the Bible reading. He read one part about women in Jerusalem being forced toe at their children due to the heavy seige by Babylon. He then made this incredible modern-day application: Women today "eat" their children by putting them into day-care centers instead of staying home to take care of them. Un - friggin real.
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  acsot

  Duncan that was hysterical! What an absolute idiot that sister was!
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  Elsewhere

  And they won’t hesitate to shoot your pipes!

  LMAO!
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  RR

  Presiding Overseer and bethelite towards the end of my tenure at the hall.

  "I notice you don't comment much, you know not commenting in a sure sign of a lack of spirituality."